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“Is she nice?”
I coughed away the stab in my chest. “She was very nice.”
“Where does she live?” El asked.
I took a fortifying breath. This was the first time she had asked these kinds of questions and while I wanted to be honest, I was unsure ofhowhonest.
“She’s not alive anymore, El,” I said gently, steeling my emotions.
A knot formed between her little eyebrows and she frowned into her cereal for a moment. “Is she dead?”
The kick under my ribs got harder. “She is.”
“Yesterday?”
I let out a sharp puff of air. “No, sweetie. A long time ago. Before you were born.”
“That’s sad.”
“It was the saddest,” I murmured truthfully.
It was by far the hardest experience I’d ever had to endure. Nothing could have prepared me for losing the person I’d envisioned spending my entire life with.
Lil set down her mug on the counter and wrapped her arms around my torso, hugging me hard. She’d witnessed me grieve on more occasions than I cared to admit, and the one thing she never did was judge me for missing the hell out of Lotte. A deep down part of me was still heartbroken over losing her, but if I hadn’t lost her, I wouldn’t have met Lil or made Elodie. Either way, the double-edged sword stung.
I kissed the top of Lil’s head again and paused, getting lost in the subtle sway of our bodies. She would forever be my home. My new path. And I couldn’t wait for her ass to be nestled behind mine as we rode northbound later this morning.
* * *
“Hold the fuck on properly, Sunshine,” I growled through my teeth while my fingers flexed on the handlebar grips.
The last thing I wanted was to lose my world all over again in another motorcycle accident. And today of all days.
“I am,” she replied through the Bluetooth connecting our helmets. Her voice held the vibrations from the open road beneath us.
“Clamping your thighs tighter on mine isn’t classed as holding on. Hands on my waist. C’mon.”
Once on a straight, I reached behind me and fumbled until I had one of her hands planted on my hip. “Keep it there, Lil. Please.”
“I just love how free it feels. God I’ve missed our biking trips.”
“I’ve missed them too.” My snicker was lost to the vibrations. “And you know what else?”
“What’s that?”
“There’s a packet of M&Ms in my pocket.”
Lil’s gasp came through the Bluetooth. “For me?”
I chuckled heartily. “Yeah, Sunshine, for you. But only if you hold on with both goddamn hands.”
A wicked grin spread across my mouth when they immediately fastened on my waist.
She laughed. “You know I’ll do anything for M&Ms.”
While complex under the surface, Lil wore her heart on her sleeve and was easily pleased. One thing I learned early on when we were still locked in a love-hate friendship was that there was no use in apologising with flowers; the way to the feisty redhead’s heart had been through large bags of colour-coated chocolate.
An hour into the ride, I slowed and pulled into a vineyard nestled amongst the rolling hills.
