AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She took a step closer, bringing her within arm’s length. “Because I’m not as well educated? Not as wealthy? What, Alec? I just want to understand.”
“I can’t explain. I don’t know how to explain. I just realized last night that it wasn’t working. That I couldn’t lead you on.”
“That I’m just not right,” Cara added softly. “Just like Elizabeth was close, but no cigar. I get it. I understand now. At least you didn’t string me on for years. I thank you for that.” She swallowed and turned away, her gaze skimming the woods. She’d never seen them in spring, bright green with fresh leaves. She’d never see them in fall, as colors began to change. She’d never see any of this again.
“I need to leave,” he said. “I don’t want to make Mrs. Booth wait.”
She reached up and swiftly wiped the moisture from beneath her lashes. “Of course not.”
Chapter Fifteen
“What do youmean she’s gone?” Alec demanded, having returned from Bakewell with Mrs. Booth only to find out that Cara had taken a cab and left Langley Park.
Mrs. Johnson shrugged helplessly. “She was very upset, sir. She insisted she had to leave immediately, and was determined to be gone before you got back.”
“But to just leave like that?”
Mrs. Johnson’s cheeks puffed out, and she threw her shoulders back. “I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t realize she wasn’t allowed to leave. Next time perhaps you’ll take advantage of the dungeon.” And then she turned and marched off, indignation in every stomp of her feet.
Alec’s anger deserted him nearly as quickly. He glanced at Mrs. Booth who was still standing in the old Tudor hall with her suitcase, her coat draped over her arm. “Not a very nice homecoming for you, Mrs. Booth.”
“Haven’t heard you raise your voice in years, sir,” she answered, her tone one of concern rather than a reprimand. “What happened while I was gone? Wasn’t Miss Roberts supposed to leave today?”
“Yes, but—” He broke off, then shook his head. “It’s complicated.”
“I see.”
He looked at his housekeeper, who was more like a grandmother to him. “I liked her. We discovered we both had feelings for the other, but it wasn’t practical, it wouldn’t work,and I couldn’t let her go home thinking there was a future when there wasn’t.”
There was a pang in Mrs. Booth’s eyes. “You are nothing if not efficient, sir.”
“You make it sound like a bad thing. After Lady Elizabeth—”
“But Miss Roberts isn’t Lady Elizabeth, just as you’re not Miss Roberts’s former beau. This could have been the beginning of something, not the ending, but only you know what is right, and if you’re at peace, that’s what matters.” She reached for her suitcase. “The best thing to do is look forward, and let it go. She’s gone and you’re free and you’ll be able to start the new year without any complications.” She gave him an encouraging smile and then walked briskly out, heading to her rooms.
Alec watched Mrs. Booth go, and he knew her words were meant to soothe him, but they had the opposite effect.
He had cut the relationship off, ending it, but he wasn’t at peace. He felt sick to his stomach that she’d left without them talking further. Their conversation had been hard.He’dbeen hard. But he hadn’t thought that would be the last time they spoke.
If he’d known that, he would have chosen his words a little more carefully. He would have said that he cared for her, and that he wanted the best for her. He would have hugged her, and offered to drive her to the airport—although he suspected she wouldn’t want that, and she’d insist on calling Paul. He’d insist then that Trimble drive her. She probably would have accepted that. She liked Trimble. But then, everyone did.
*
It was amiserable trip home, delayed flights, and then overcrowded once on the plane. Every baby seemed to cryinconsolably, and Cara was right there with them, crying into her travel pillow.
She wasn’t just sad. She was livid. She was so angry with Alec. He was an idiot. A coward. She knew he loved her, but he was running away because he was afraid he’d be hurt. But she wasn’t going to hurt him. She wasn’t going to leave him. She wanted a life with him, a big, wonderful life with kids and dogs and holidays.
It was his fault that she was miserable.
It was his fault that she hurt.
It didn’t have to be this way. He could have made a different choice. Unfortunately for them both, he didn’t.
*
She’d been goneonly twenty-four hours but Alec felt sick, truly sick, as if he had a flu because everything in him ached. He hurt from head to toe and yet there was no fever, no sore throat, no sniffles or congestion. The pain was in his chest. The pain throbbed from his heart, into his gut, making him so queasy he couldn’t eat. Or sleep.
All he could do at Langley was walk. So he and the dogs walked and walked. By the middle of the afternoon on Wednesday, Lady didn’t even want to go outside with him again. She just lifted her head and whined a little before putting it back down and closing her eyes.
