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“I’m lost.” Avery laughed nervously. I leaned forward on the bench, rubbing my throbbing head while pulling my hands along my face.
“She’s pregnant,” I admitted, “and now Lizzie hates me. She left, Avery. She just walked away.” I looked at Avery, horrified at my admission and tense about her reaction…but she crossed and uncrossed her legs, nodding gently with her top lip pressed between her teeth.
“Did Lizzie ever tell you what happened to her in college?” Avery calmly whispered, mindlessly rubbing her stomach. I shook my head, urging her to continue. “It’s not my place to say, but I think you need to know. It might help explain where she’s coming from. We were sophomores, or maybe it was freshman year. I don’t remember. Anyway, she went to the doctor and had an abnormal test and, long story short, they had to remove too much, and she probably can’t have kids.”
“Lizzie?” Sean questioned, sitting on the other side of Avery. She nodded, as if discussing Lizzie’s health care was casual conversation. But I guess it was; they’d known each other then, and they’d already dealt with that blow as a family.
“I’m going to run into the market,” Silas informed me, his eyes flicking to my bench companions, “and give you guys a few minutes.” I smiled a pathetic thank you and returned to burning a hole in the pavement with my pretend laser beam eyes. Avery reached for my arm again, lowering her hands to my twisting fingers. I felt better with her holding my hands, like a kid with their mom, but I still wasn’t sure how to read their reaction.
“You don’t hate me?”
Sean snorted. “Hate you for what?”
Avery cleared her throat. “Sean, do you remember Lizzie telling us about Noah’s ex-girlfriend? The one with the video.” Of course Lizzie would share that detail. I smiled thinking of her. I needed her back. I tuned out while Avery relayed my news because hearing it for a fifth time in twenty-four hours sickened me.
“We don’t hate you,” Sean replied. “You didn’t know she was pregnant. And where has she been this whole time? She’s farther along than Ave and she didn’t know until now? Smells fishy.”
“I know,” I agreed, “but I blocked her on my phone. I’ve been practically living at Lizzie’s.”
“Wouldn’t she have hunted you down through Silas or another friend? Or shown up at your work earlier?” Avery probed.
“Well, babe,” Sean thought out loud, “you didn’t know you were pregnant for a while, either. Maybe this happens more than we realize.”
“I still don’t understand why she wouldn’t have found you the moment she knew. Or if she’s such a hussy, then why wouldn’t she be taking regular pregnancy tests? We did it once without protection—”
“And now look at us,” Sean snickered playfully, leaning over to kiss Avery’s stomach. He stood, hands in his pockets, and watched Avery and me. “You don’t go through hell without bringing the one you love back up with you, Noah. What are you going to do?”
“I don’t have a choice. Lizzie left. She wouldn’t hear me out; she wouldn’t listen. I get that she’s afraid. I’m terrified!”
“She’s not choosing fear over you, Noah. She’s protecting herself. Lizzie isn’t afraid of much,” Avery divulged, “except betrayal and not being able to make someone she loves happy.”
“I was happy, Avery.” I clenched my teeth. “I’d found my missing piece in her.”
“But someone else is carrying your child,” she persisted, “and, while you’re in love, your relationship is still so new.”
“And because we didn’t wait years to be together, we shouldn’t have a future? I’m lost here,” I snarled, losing myself into the asshole I felt I’d become. “Look, I’m sorry. You don’t deserve to be spoken to like that.”
“She doesn’t,” Sean agreed, “but you’re missing the big picture here, Noah. Lizzie can’t give you what she thinks you want now. It doesn’t sound like you gave her an answer to something she didn’t ask, when you were supposed to tell her she would be okay, that she’d still make you happy. Think about it. Your ex-girlfriend is pregnant with your kid. Lizzie knows you’re a good guy. She knows you’ll be a father to that child.”
“Total DILF,” Avery added. “We talked about that hypothetically once.” Sean glared at her, which softened everything once Avery erupted into a fit of giggles.
Shaking his head and rolling his green eyes, Sean continued, “She’s probably thinking she doesn’t stand a chance now. You’ve got a family.”
“Lizzie is my family.”
Avery’s laughter calmed, and she reached for my arm again. “You can’t expect her to be happy on the outside while you bring another woman’s child into the world. How do you find out that it’s even yours, Noah? Do they screen for that this early?”
“I didn’t have a chance to even tell Lizzie that. She’s ignoring my calls now, too. I’m sorry, you guys,” I mumbled. “I never imagined something like this could happen, that I could destroy what I had with Lizzie. Please, if I can ask that you do something for me, don’t tell her we had this conversation. She told me to figure my shit out, she left, and I just…I need to figure it out.”
Avery reached out for Sean, and we both helped her stand. “Noah, you don’t get a reset button. We know what it’s like to almost lose each other. You and Lizzie shouldn’t go through that.”
“It’s your life.” Sean squeezed my shoulder. “Whatever you decide to do is always going to be the best for everyone. We’re here for both of you, should you need us.”
Was that life now? I had to decide, if the baby was mine, what role I would play in all of it. Get Lizzie back and live with her and Callie’s baby? Lose Lizzie? Lose these friends? Whatever I decide to do is going to be the best for everyone. Was that not being with Lizzie, keeping her out of this drama and the plague of Callie? I didn’t want to torture her with a motherhood she couldn’t own; that was cruel. Dammit. I loved her so much that each step away from Sean and Avery hurt, keeping my thoughts on Lizzie and what damage I’d caused without knowing.
I heard what Sean told me, but I couldn’t connect the piece in my mind to make sense of it all. Lizzie was stubborn and confident; I couldn’t imagine she’d run from fear. She approached me; she tore me out of a stupor and showed me love. She left. Part of me wondered if I needed to respect that and let her go wherever she needed to go…
