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“But…do you want a baby?” Yes, but not with Callie. Not with anyone else, and not now. Lizzie, some day. Maybe. If she wanted to. I didn’t reply. I only wanted Lizzie. “You’re a good man, Noah,” she lifted a trembling palm to my cheek, “and you’ll do what’s right. I need to go…”
“I don’t need to leave, Lizzie. They called me back. I’m not going away,” I cried, following her onto the front steps. Lizzie spun around. This time, her eyes were gray, and the tears broke the dam of her resistance. They poured over her reddened cheeks while she stared at me impassively.
“Good,” she nodded, “then you’ll have time to figure out your shit, Noah.” Lizzie lifted her right hand from her crossed arms to wipe a tear, her body shivering as she looked away from me. She took one step backward, my heart ripping from my sleeve and following her onto the second stair. “Maybe,” she continued, “this was all too good to be true, too fast and too soon for you.”
“Don’t go,” I begged, following her while my head throbbed. “Please say you’ll wait for me, Lizzie. Give me a chance to figure this out. You promised you’d wait when I was called out. We’re going to pack…” My plea fell into her shadow. I collapsed onto the front step, crumbling against my knees while I watched Lizzie leave. Her dress taunted me in her wake, flowing like the wind that carried away the best thing I’d ever had.
Muffin was slow to follow us outside, but I was thankful his wet snout poked my arm for attention because I was about to pass out. I couldn’t believe she left. I can’t believe Callie’s pregnant. Did this mean I was back to the start? Back to where my story with Lizzie began, lost in a damn mess with Callie? I couldn’t be a parent, I was hardly a partner with my work schedule, and now everything changed. Lizzie’s only response to me not being called up was that now I had time to figure out my shit, but I wanted to figure out life with Lizzie.
I think I threw up five times after I’d broken some shit and cried for the entire afternoon. I called Lizzie over and over, my calls going straight to voicemail by the tenth attempt. I knew I had to call Callie, and the sooner I figured it all out, the sooner I could prove to Lizzie that I was worth keeping. It wasn’t too soon, it wasn’t too good to be true; we were perfect, meant to be. I needed to fix this.
***
I marched to Silas’s parlor just as he was locking the door, lifting his head to smile at me in greeting.
“Hey, man.” He approached, his grin vanishing when he saw I looked like shit. “What the hell happened and what drink is going to fix this shit pile?”
“I think,” I bit my lip, not ready at all to say the words out loud, “Lizzie and I are over.”
Silas whistled, shoving his wallet and phone into his back pocket before smacking my shoulder. “What did you do?” He crossed his arms, taking a step forward. I followed, hoping we were going to get wasted and I could be numb just a little longer, since Lizzie’s restart hadn’t returned us anywhere near the past. I told Silas everything while we walked around the Capitol Square, barely noticing the food carts and hordes of tourists consuming the sidewalks.
“How could she just walk away like that?” I uttered, not even sure I wanted the answer from Silas.
“She didn’t just walk away,” he groaned. “You broke her heart, Noah. What the hell else was she supposed to do? She’s not the one who’s responsible for figuring out a spot in your life, not when you’ve got another woman expecting your child.”
“I hate this festival,” he mumbled while we waited for a walking signal to cross the street. “What are you going to do about this disaster?”
“It isn’t the baby’s fault,” I grunted. “It’s ours. Honestly, Silas, I remember the last time I slept with Callie, and I used protection.”
“Maybe it’s not yours. Or,” Silas nudged my shoulder, and I looked up to follow his gaze, “maybe you should start praying Callie is as hot pregnant as that woman.” I felt my skin drain of blood. The signal changed, and Silas walked ahead, but I was frozen. My heart anchored my feet to the edge of the sidewalk, and I couldn’t cross the damn street. Avery and her adorable belly. She noticed me and…smiled. Now I really can’t move.
“Hi, Noah,” Avery greeted me once she reached the curb, where I was still stuck. “Are you okay?” She pulled her auburn hair around her right shoulder, smiling at me like I didn’t just break her best friend’s heart. I want to go back to yesterday, waking up with Lizzie. I want a restart.
I blinked, watching Avery from the corner of my eye. “Have you talked to Lizzie today?”
“No.” She scratched her stomach, glancing behind me with a widening grin. “Sean’s bringing me custard.” He jogged onto the sidewalk, his hands overwhelmed with an enormous bowl of custard, chocolate and caramel sauce, and cookie crumbles.
“Hey!” Sean pulled me in for a hug once Avery took her sundae, her blue eyes wide like a child’s. “Is Lizard with you?”
“I need to tell you guys something—” Silas interrupted me by shoving his hand between Sean and me, reaching for a handshake.
“Finally,” he cheered, “I get to meet the people in Rossi’s other world. I’m Silas. You’re absolutely beautiful, by the way.” I felt Avery’s cheeks redden from behind Sean, her sweet chuckle echoing around us while Sean introduced himself to Silas, his expression hardening. They started talking about Silas’s parlor, and I wasn’t even sure how the topic started, but I caught Avery’s eyes on mine, and I quivered with guilt. I was sandwiched between every part of my life, and the one piece that held me together was somewhere else.
She handed Sean her sundae and stepped around him while he and Silas laughed about something. I didn’t hear, and I didn’t want to. If it wasn’t Lizzie, or about how I could fix things with her, I wasn’t listening. Avery linked her hands around my right bicep, and we took a few steps away from Silas and Sean.
“What’s going on?” she inquired, leaning her head on my arm.
“Please don’t hate me,” I whispered, turning to face her. Her fingers fell from my arm, and Avery’s blue eyes watched me with concern. I motioned for her to sit on a bench surrounded by potted geraniums, and she complied, looking back once at Sean and Silas.
“He seems nice,” she uttered, twisting her fingers in her lap. “Why would I hate you? Did something happen with you and Lizzie?”
“Sort of,” I expressed, sighing. “I don’t share things about my life with people, Avery, and I feel bad doing so, but I want to tell you.”
“Okay,” she breathed, folding her hands over her small bump, “tell me.”
Shit. Repeating it to Silas was one thing; he knew Callie, and he knew all sides of me. Avery saw me through her experience; she saw me through Lizzie. She thought I was a saint, just as her boyfriend was, and I was about to crush that too.
“I was dating someone before I met you guys, before Lizzie. She cheated on me, and I ended things immediately, and I haven’t seen or talked to her since…except she came into the fire station last night. She wasn’t alone.”
