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I was back to the fire station within an hour, a slow walk because after the rush of my morning, the ink on my abs ached and moving with haste was irritating. I stopped for a coffee to take the chief to show my appreciation for him hanging out with Muffin, but I knew those old men loved one another. The chief stood just inside the garage, speaking with a handful of new recruits who looked so excited about fighting fire that I was actually worried for a minute.
“Hey,” I greeted him once the newbies dispersed. “Latte.”
“Thanks, Rossi.” He smiled appreciatively, taking the cup. “You don’t need to thank me for watching Muffin, though.” I felt him nudge my arm as we walked. “How’s your sleeve?”
I knew he wasn’t talking about my sleeve of ink. “Missing my heart, sir.”
“Noah.” He paused when we approached the doorway through the garage, placing a pudgy palm around my bicep. “If there’s ever a case too close to home, you don’t need to go to it.”
“I think that’s exactly why I need to go to it, sir.”
“Kid, you can’t save her in each case we get. The boyfriend’s alive,” he changed the topic, probably feeling my muscles tighten in anticipation of knocking him out from his previous comment, “and I want you to take the next three days off.”
“Is that an order, sir?” I gritted my teeth, lifting my eyes to watch my boss nod his silent reply.
Three days off from work, in my empty apartment with my mind run amuck. At least I had Muffin, and I could always find solace with Nadia and Silas. That’s just what I needed after a day like this, too many drinks and more ink.
I walked home, carrying my furball most of the way because his legs gave out within three blocks. He hardly acknowledged my conversation with him but for a few snorts and grumbles between snores. I may as well have been talking to my mom’s third husband.
When I turned the corner, I didn’t want to go home. It wasn’t even Callie at that moment; it was life. Callie was supposed to be different; she was supposed to be the one who healed my heart, the one who could help me move forward after losing Jade. Instead, she was a liar and a thief without remorse or emotion who I should have avoided the moment Silas shook his head at me with eyes wide in the bar. I blame Nadia too. She was there. I shouldn’t be getting this angry.
I sat on the front step for an hour, holding Muffin in my arms while I watched people walk along the sidewalk without a care in the world. Someone was eating ice cream, another texting. They probably had no clue how quick life could change. I was thinking of Jade, and I shouldn’t have been, because it wasn’t her I thought of, but the moment I lost her.
I stewed for a little longer before going inside and putting on a different pair of pants and shoes, letting Muffin get comfy on a pile of laundry with enough food and water to last a couple hours. I needed to be somewhere else, somewhere I had purpose. The chief’s words swirled around, and I’d nearly gnawed my thumb to a stump letting them break me. You can’t save her in every case we get. And just like that, I was on my way back to the hospital.
