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“You’re everything, Mari.”
Chapter 18
November 2, 2020
Jai
It was dark.
I lost sight of Bex, and it was justdarkness.The growing pressure in my chest didn’t hurt as much. I couldn’t hear her cry, but it was painful, so I considered it a sort of reprieve. As the darkness and silence stretched on, I realized that even if it was her sorrow I heard for eternity, I would choose that torture because I’d still have a piece of her. I missed her so much. I didn’t want her here, but I desperately wanted to be with her.
Is this hell? Is this what I deserve?
The blanketed silence turned to a hum, and the numbness I felt turned to dull aches. There was pressure, but it wasn’t painful. It was warm and delicate. A careful placement. A sensation passed through me, and I realized I took a breath. Then another one.
Coconut.
Vanilla.
Home.
A faint set of beeps came to me. A whirring noise came next, and the feel of soft sheets. My throat ached when I took a deeper breath. My eyes blinked open, and the space was blurry at first. The gentle pressure I felt was explained by the two forms resting against me. Mari was propped on my foot, and I followed her outstretched hand. Mari’s fingers were intertwined with Bex’s.
Bex was facing away from me. She was curled on the bed like a small fox. Her head rested in my lap. The morning sun came through the small window, and streaks of light hit her. Her ring glinted under the rays. The ache in my chest I’d grown used to over the month started again, and the joy and peace I felt with her washed over me.
Hot tears fell as I watched her sleep. This time, watching her doing the most normal things held so much meaning. There would come a day where we wouldn’t have each other, and these moments would be lost.
I looked at the board on the wall. It was November 2nd. I carefully moved the foot under Mari. She opened her eyes and gasped.
“Bex,” she whispered, gently tapping her shoulder. “Bex, he’s awake.”
“What?” she asked in the quietest tone. She sat up and turned. “Oh, fuck,” she cried against my stomach as she continued. I lifted a very heavy arm and patted her head.
“Bex,” I called to her as best as I could manage. “Happy birthday.” My voice was rough, and my throat was scratchy. She moved closer up the bed.
Her hands held my face and every piece of my soul hummed at the feeling of her against my skin. “I’m so happy you’re here. This is all I wanted,” she whispered as she rested her forehead against mine. “I love you, and I was stupid for not saying it sooner.” She kissed me, and it was better than the medicine flowing through my IV.
“You’re not,” I muttered between her kisses. “I already knew.”
“I missed you so much,” she admitted as she wiped my face. “I was so scared I’d lost you.”
“Not even a divine act, I promised it.” I cleared my throat and a sharp pain started in my chest. “You’re mine. I told you I’d come back to you, and I meant it.” I ran my free hand down her back. She curled into my shoulder, and the movement made the pain on the other side spike. I didn’t care. I wanted her more. I needed her right there.
“Well,” Mari interjected with a clap and a large smile. “One of you needs to start explaining.” She started laughing at the absurdity of it all. “What thefuckhappened?”
“I guess now would be the best time,” I said, looking down at Bex. “I’d love to be the savior of her story, but Bex didn’t need me in the end.”
October 10, 2021: Senior Year
Bexley
I mixed the brownie batter while music came from my speaker. I heard the door close, and keys dropped in the dish after. I knew who it’d be and expected what was to come.
“Little Swallow,” Jai called from the kitchen opening.
“Yes?” I answered without turning around. I kept my voice light and innocent.
“Today is the tenth,” he started.
