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It didn’t stop me from remembering how his lips had felt between my thighs or how his rough voice whispered into my ear, detailing the ways he planned to make me scream. Sometimes in the night, I could still feel his body on top of mine, pressing me into the pillows. We would never go too far, knowing a woman had to be pure to claim a husband–especially one of rank. We were so young and naive to believe it would last forever—to believe I wouldn’t eventually be forced to marry a man of higher political standing.
“You’re not fooling anyone, you know,” Saeya said. Tearing my eyes away from Caldor, I blinked at my friend. She smiled at me with knowing eyes. “I wish the two of you would settle this mess for good. It’s incredibly tiring watching my brother mope around the castle.”
I sighed. “It’s my fault, and I’ll bear it. I thought by now he’d at least be able to look at me. Maybe we could even be friends one day like we used to be.”
Saeya snorted. “You and Caldor were never friends, Mara. The day you arrived at court, my brother burst into our father’s study and announced he’d just met the love of his life.Friendswas never an option.”
My heart sank as I watched him down there, calling out orders to the men he was training. He wielded his sword as if it was an extension of his own arms. Like the gods themselves had placed it in his hand. I was the reason he threw his life into his work. My betrayal. My choices were the reason he was hurting.
“And what about you? Did you speak to your father like you promised?” My change of subject was transparent, but I wasn't talking about things I no longer had power over.
Saeya gave me a guilty smile that didn’t reach her eyes. When I opened my mouth to let her have a piece of my mind, she groaned, cutting me off before I could say a word. “I know, I know! It’s just never been the right moment. The King has him busy every day with something Father refuses to talk about, even with Caldor. He’s barely ever home, and I—”
“Am running out of time,” I finished for her. “Don’t wait until the King tells him who to marry you off to. You’re almost thirty, Sae. Silas is a good man from a good family.”
“But he's not titled,” Saeya countered.
“Since when have you ever cared about titles?” Saeya was one of the least judgemental women I’d met in my life. Most women clamored to marry into titled families of wealth and privilege, but my best friend had fallen for the King’s personal blacksmith, a man named Silas, who was kind, generous, wealthy, and handsome. “They're the ones who agreed you could marry for love. Do you really think they’d go back on their word now that you’ve found it?”
“You don't know my father very well then,” she said dryly. “If the King tells him to jump off the tallest tower of this castle, he wouldn’t waste a second. Maybe if I could convince my brother to finally settle down, I could…” She trailed off, glancing at me apologetically. “I didn’t mean… I’m sorry...”
My heart clenched and my mouth dried up at the thought of Caldor taking a wife. The notion had tormented me for years after I married Waylan, even though I had no right to ask him not to marry. I’d fallen for my husband after some time had passed, and I couldn’t expect Caldor not to do the same.
“Don’t worry about me,” I said with a fake smile, gently patting my friend on the arm. “If that’s what it takes, then so be it. It’s not like my opinion matters to him anymore anyway. I’m just surprised it’s taken as long as it has.”
“Not me,” she said, glancing down at Caldor with sad eyes. “He never really got over you. Not completely.”
“And that’s where you’re wrong, Sae. And once Remus and I are married—”
“Are you gossiping about me, Mara?” Remus asked from over my shoulder. My shoulders stiffened as his footsteps neared. Saeya’s eyes widened as she caught sight of the shifter. I would’ve closed her mouth for her if it wasn’t slightly entertaining.
He was dressed in all black, much like the guard down below, with his long dark hair swept off his shoulders. His feline-like eyes were sharp and bright today, but with my potion swimming through his body, they weren’t as bright as they could be. Still, he was almost alarmingly charming when he smiled, and his smile was wide for Saeya as he took her hand, bowing as he placed a kiss on her fingers.
“Remus Felix Ambrose. I know it’s a mouthful, but beautiful ladies may call me Remus, and you are?” I rolled my eyes at the way she was falling for every word. She knew better.
“Saeya,” she purred. Saeya was a hopeless flirt, but I knew her heart belonged to Silas and always would. Besides, despite his flirtation, Remus was spoken for, even if he would never be mine in any real sense.
“Saeya …” he mused, drawing out every syllable. “Beautiful, just like the goddess for which your name is derived.” This time I couldn’t contain my snort of amusement, and Remus simply cast me a wink as he dropped her hand.
Saeya shoved me in the arm playfully. “You didn’t tell me your betrothed was so charming.”
“That’s because he isn’t,” I said, sneering at the snifter who beamed at her. “Trust me, once you get to know him, you’ll be eating those words. He’ll never let me live them down.”
“I hear we have an eventful evening ahead of us, don’t we Mara?” Remus said, diverting his attention to me. Saeya giggled, and I smiled dangerously at the thought of what he would be doing tonight. Saeya probably had other ideas.
Caldor called out to his sister from below, so she kissed both of my cheeks before blushing at Remus and heading off. Meanwhile Caldor glared up at me, as per usual.
Remus followed close behind as I turned and headed back to my rooms. The walk didn’t take long, but the silence held me captive. He wasn’t speaking or even asking questions; he was actually just along for the ride and I realized I didn’t hate it. I was used to the quiet, but I hadn't had much of it lately. I knew it would end soon as we were in private, without prying eyes and ears.
“So, what’s your crazy plan now?” Remus asked as we made our way toward my table of vials. He scanned the vials warily.
I grinned at him, and his eyes flashed with something unidentifiable. Excitement maybe? “Tonight, you’ll either kill me and prove to the King that you are, indeed, utterly useless, or you’ll save my life, and we can really start your training.”
“I’m not killing you, Mara,” Remus snapped, his green eyes hardening and his strong jaw going rigid.
I suddenly found myself a lot more intrigued by this shifter. Why did he care so much? If he killed me, it would be the perfect opportunity for him to make his escape.
I began preparing the vials, ignoring his burning stare on the side of my face. He should have known better than to argue with me. Besides, it wasn’t like I hadn’t warned him about this eventuality.
