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Chapter One Edel
“Edel! Hey, lady. It’s me!”
Dammit.Nothing, and I mean nothing goes unnoticed in freaking Findlay. Can’t even walk down a crowded street without someone knowing you.
“I know you can hear me!”
Ugh, she’s got me there. I absolutely can hear you and that’s why I’m picking up the pace.
That’s the thing I miss the most about the city. Right in the middle of the hustle and bustle of it all, you have the option of being completely anonymous. No one is noting what you do for work or the last time you went on a date. But in Findlay. With just shy of twenty-thousand people in this town, every private detail is up for public consumption.
The footsteps behind me quicken and I kick myself for not keeping up with my hot-girl walks after work. There’s no way I’m going to outpace that pilates junkie. I take a deep breath and then stop, turning to face my sister.
“Oh hey.” I try for casual. “Sorry, I’ve got a podcast going. Couldn’t hear you. My AirPods.” I gesture to my empty ears.
“No, you don’t.” Everly tilts her head and her silky blonde hair cascades over her shoulder. “I almost thought you were trying to avoid me. That’s fine, don’t worry about it. Anyway, Mom said you were back in town, but I hadn’t seen you, so I didn’t know if it was true. But all of a sudden, here you are.” Her mouth curls into a wide smile showcasing blinding white teeth.
“Yeah, I’m here for good. I’ve officially got a Findlay address… again. I haven’t gotten around to telling many people yet. Haven’t even unpacked yet. I guess it’s hard for me to believe it myself.” I shove my hands into my pockets and clear my throat. “Yeah, so, where’s my nephew?”
“Oh, Spence took him to his golf lesson.” She waves off my question with a flick of her delicate wrist as if every nine-year-old has a private golf instructor. “He’ll be excited to see his favorite Auntie tomorrow night though. You are coming to Mom’s for Christmas Eve, aren’t you? I mean, not that we have much of a choice.”
“Ha, yeah, I know. The whole town will be there. Who am I to no-show Mom on her big dinner or performance or photo shoot or whatever she’s calling it these days? I’ll see you then.” I put a hand on the back of my neck and roll my head around rubbing out my taut muscles. “I should probably get going, have a thing to get to.”
Everly’s thin lips purse into a tight line and her high cheekbones are somehow more pronounced under the white glow of the streetlight. “Look, I know you’re super private, but Mom needs a head count to pass along to the event planner. She asked me to find out if you’re bringing anyone. And since you’ve been hard to get a hold of, she’s hounding me for the information.”
Here. We. Go.
It isn't that I don't like my sister, I do. In fact, for most of my life, she was one of my best friends. But she’s succumbed to my mother’s pressure and now, it’s hard to see where Everly ends and Mom begins.
I muster every ounce of strength I have to keep my eyes from rolling back into my head. “You can tell Mom that a spot at the kid's tablewill be just fine for me. I won’t bring a rando date and reassure her that I won’t bring any of myfood creationsto her party. I know the drill.”
My sister shifts her weight uncomfortably between her feet the way she always has at the first sign of conflict. “Oh, I’m sure she wouldn’t care either way. It’s just that her photographers will be there and you know her brand depends on being featured in the magazines during the holidays, so she has to have every detail in place…”
I hold up a hand in an attempt to put Everly out of her misery. “I got it. You don’t have to remind me about Mom’s thriving author career, she won’t let me or anyone else forget it. I really do need to go, but I’ll see you tomorrow for the big day.”
“Okay. Did you get the box? Mom sent one for each of us, there are some childhood photos in there that are true gems.”
I got the box. How could I have missed it? It’s still there, sealed, just as she left it. I have no interest in rehashing my childhood.“Hey, I’m sorry I’ve got to run.” I let out a deep exhale and turn on a dime, my feet smacking into the pavement before Everly can get in another word.
The pressure to appear perfect for the Tiding siblings is no joke. And I suppose if I were like my siblings and living aperfectlife, that wouldn't be a problem. But no such luck. No, my lot in life is to be the only Tiding sibling who is undeniably average. No perfect marriage like my carb-free sister. I’m not the beloved fire captain of Findlay like my brother Everett. And I am most definitely not internet famous like the influencer of the year like the apparently-irresistible Emmett Tiding.
I’m just… me. I’m curvy. I’m crabby and now I’m finding out what happens when even going home doesn’t feel like the right thing. I check my phone for the time and pick up the pace. If I don't do anything else right I'm going to make sure I get to the toy store before they close.
Today is the last day to drop off toys for the toy drive at the fire station and I for one have not forgotten where I came from. I remember all the holidays made up of toys donated to our family. That was back before Mom got remarried. I promised the universe that if I found a way out of poverty, I’d return the favor. Now shopping for the local toy drive is the only holiday tradition I don’t mind.
I make two more lefts on the street illuminated only by the light of the moon. I don’t mind the walk or the cold. But the heel of my boot threatens to give up on me with every icy step. And when I see the glowing lights of the toy store in the distance, I exhale.At least there will be toys.
∞∞∞
I push my way into the shop and fight through the sea of people frantically scattering about. As I wind my way through the aisles I’m confronted by animatronic Santa and a smug tin soldier. Elvis’Blue Christmaspiping through the speakers at top volume is enough to make me want to turn around and walk right back out of the doors. I shake my head,Blue Christmas, of course, it has to be that song.The overwhelming scent of gingerbread practically bowls me over.
The store is buzzing with energy and not the good kind. It’s cut-throat in here. It's practically alive like some sort of Christmas swamp monster coming to steal the last bit of will I have to do something positive in this world.
Parents snap at each other wielding overfull carts and cups that contain, if I had to guess, basic pumpkin spice lattes because… tis the damn season. But that’s their business and I leave them to it. My business is getting home to my cat Grinchy as soon as possible. The little place I’m renting is the refuge I need right now. I turn down the aisle toward the dolls, but I can’t get to the shelves because a troop of hot firefighters is milling about.
And this night is looking up all of a sudden.
I stand here waiting, feeling invisible or at the very least like an outsider. But there was a time when this could have been my life. I could be another Findlay mom rushing around in cowboy boots, too-tight pants, and big hair.
