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“I’m beginning to and I know what you’re like when things are going just the way they should and I can see that they’re not,” Declan scolded. “Coffee?”
Atlas nodded, pushing out a hard breath. “That would probably help.”
“Help?” Declan tipped his head toward the kitchen as he turned and Atlas followed.
“You ever need something…normal and safe when things get out of control or stop making sense?” Atlas asked and Declan’s head swung around.
He nodded, using his shoulder to push the kitchen door. “Are you in danger?”
“No.” Atlas shook his head and laughed but it was heavy as he looked toward Lavender’s house. “Someone else was in danger but it’s over.”
“Oh. Good?” Declan attempted.
There was a shimmer in Atlas’s eyes as he watched Declan.
“Nobody’s in danger. I’m relieved, but Lavender…” His head fell and Atlas’s hand shook as he rubbed his temple.
“Hey!” Declan grabbed Atlas’s hand and held it tight. “Do not blame yourself for anything he might have done!” He urged. Atlas’s eyes were huge as they snapped to his, but Declan ignored his somersaulting stomach and continued. He couldn’t stand to see Atlas looking doubtful and disappointed. “You can’t be responsible for his actions. He does whatever the hell he wants and he’ll only listen to you when it suits him.”
“I know, but—” Atlas started but Declan cut him off.
“IlikeLavender,” he said firmly, widening his eyes so Atlas understood how significant that was. “He isn’t heartless and selfish like my father was, but he exists in that same realm of fucklessness that only a handful of people will ever experience. There are no consequences, especially for Lavender, and everything belongs to them. And I can promise you that there was no stopping Lavender if he’d decided he was doing what was best.”
“What if deep down, I didn’t want to stop him? What if I only tried because I was afraid of what I’m turning into?” Atlas argued.
“You have my permission to be human and have a moment or two of weakness,” Declan said softly. “And it doesn’t mean you’re weak or you’ve failed. One man can’t actually carry the weight of the world on his own or stop Lavender from doing whatever the hell he wants.”
“Thank you,” Atlas said sincerely. His hand tightened around Declan’s before he was pulled into an embrace. “I feel like I’m slipping and warping and I’ve only been around these guys for a few months.”
They were rocking and it was like they were dancing again as Atlas’s hands kneaded and wandered. Declan held on and closed his eyes, resting his cheek on Atlas’s shoulder. “You’re not and you won’t,” Declan whispered, not wanting to break the spell.
But the magic turned into a hard sigh and Declan felt bereft as Atlas let him go. “I think it might be better if I took off.”
“You just got here,” Declan complained, a touch disoriented as he swept a hand through his hair. “Did I say something—?”
“No!” Atlas cut him off. “You were exactly what I needed and I feel better but I have a lot to think about and it’s hard to do that around you,” he admitted with a wince.
“I don’t know how to take that,” Declan said, searching Atlas’s face for any clues as to whether that was a good or a bad thing.
“You are the best kind of distraction,” Atlas told him as he raised Declan’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “And everything seems simple when it’s just the two of us. But it all starts to get dicey and complicated when I rememberwherewe are and everything else that’s at stake.”
“I see…” Although Declan wasn’t certain he did. “You should still have some coffee,” he announced and rushed past Atlas to get him one of Paul’s travel cups. “Maybe it’ll help you make sense of things.”
Atlas laughed softly as he followed and his hands spread around Declan’s shoulders as he reached for the cabinet over the coffee maker. There was a warm huff against his ear before Atlas kissed Declan’s hair. “You’re an angel and I promise I won’t run out on you again. I’ll get my shit together.”
“You don’t have to. Not for me,” Declan said clumsily. He was glad his back was turned because he was glaring and swearing at himself for being so desperate and obvious about it.No wonder he’s running away.But it was wreaking havoc on Declan’s composure, having Atlas so close. He was shaking as he filled the mug and added two spoons of sugar, then closed the lid. Declan said a prayer as he turned and was lightheaded as Atlas took a sip and licked his lips.
“It’s perfect. Thank you,” he said, his neck stretching so he could press a kiss to Declan’s cheek. “And you’re perfect,” Atlas whispered, setting Declan’s whole body on fire.
Help!
Declan grabbed the counter behind him for support. It was that or grab Atlas’s shoulders and beg him to stay. Which would have led to a string of indecent requests.
“I’ll see you on Sunday,” Atlas said, giving Declan’s arm a gentle squeeze before he left.
“OK.”
That was four whole days away but Declan had a feeling that wouldn’t be enough time for Atlas to find an answer to his dilemma. He said that Declan was the best kind of distraction, but that didn’t seem like a good thing if Atlas was having this much trouble.
