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“I’m really flattered and I know that Declan is too. Nobody’s ever cared that much or thought he was good enough, he told me.”
Paul groaned sympathetically. “Don’t tell the others, that’ll break their hearts and make them even worse.”
“I think Declan loves all of his new big brothers. I’m glad he has them after everything he’s been through.”
“Me too. Last weekend wasn’t your fault. Why do you think you’re in over your head?” Paul asked, dragging Atlas back to his problem.
“It took you years before you had to recuse yourself and tap out. But I’m already drowning,” he confided.
“What?” Paul snorted like he didn’t believe Atlas. “First of all,anyonewould feel like they’re drowning if they were in your shoes. Most people would have run screaming or given into the madness, but you’ve stayed cool and you haven’t let Lavender walk all over you. Second, I didn’t tap out becauseIhad enough. I came to Lake Cliff for Reginald and vowed to be there and to protect him no matter what. The under-the-table partnership with the FBI was just my way of turning lemons into lemonade and keeping us all out of prison. But, Lake Cliff was taking a toll on the man I loved so my priorities have changed. I’m stepping away from the FBI and acting as Reginald’s safety net and I’m imposing barriers so he has more balance and doesn’t burn out again.”
“Wow. I can certainly understand that,” Atlas murmured distantly, recalling his desire (need) to stay by Declan’s side and protect him. “I have worried a lot about what’s best for Declan and if being married to an FBI agent would take a toll on him.”
“The fact that you’re thinking about marriage and that you care about how your career affects him should tell you everything you need to solve this problem. I picked you because I believed in you and because I knew you were the best. You’re not the last or the only good FBI agent. We’re not exactly a dime-a-dozen, but there are more out there and we can be replaced. But I can’t replace Reginald. And I can’t replace good friends like you and Declan. I’m always going to tell you to follow your heart, Atlas.”
“Dad knew you were going to say that.”
Paul laughed heartily. “Byron Beesleyalwaysknows what he’s talking about. It’s OK if you’re feeling overwhelmed with Lake Cliff. I still ask myself what the fuck I’m doing with these people on a daily basis, but it’s my heart that won’t let me give up on them. That comes with its own limitations and frustrations and I knew you’d be able to cope. And I think that you and Declan make a really good team. That’s just as important as having combat experience or legal expertise when it comes to surviving the unique challenges that come with keeping the peace between Lake Cliff and the FBI.”
“Now you sound like Sage.”
“That’s never a bad thing. Sage is the heart of this weird little family. I hate to say that he’s the den mother because that might suggest that Lavender’s some kind of father figure. He sure as fuck isn’t my father and I do my best not to take orders from him. But if there is a nucleus that we all have bonded to, it’s Sage.”
“I still don’t understand how they work, but I get why everyone loves Sage,” Atlas said, earning a chuckle from Paul. “Lavender will blow up a bad guy or leave some body parts scattered around Lake Cliff to keep us safe, and Hawk will stitch us back together, but Sage gave us a home and made us a family. He’s always looking out for us and is happiest when we’re all together. And Sage will always have room for more and loves seeing us grow.”
“He’s a saint and I’m glad Declan has him. It’s been great getting to know everyone and they’re all good, kind people—even Lavender, almost—but I’m really glad Declan found his way here. You know how Mom is, she wanted me to bring him home so she could take care of him. She was heartbroken when I told her about how he grew up. But I told her he had found a safe place to land and was in good hands.”
“God, your mom is gonna love Declan!” Paul predicted.
“Was she in on this too?” Atlas accused.
“Well…” Paul hissed apologetically. “She hasn’t had any contact with Sage or Blake, but I may have relayed her approval and you know it’s my job to keep Diane up to date on any major developments.”
“1. How could you? 2. I already tell her everything.”
“You didn’t tell her about last weekend and how he turned himself into a worm.”
“Everything but that!” Atlas whimpered. “She’s going to have so many questions.”
“Yeah, she does. We talked yesterday and I made her promise to be cool until you told her. I wouldn’t wait too long, though.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Do you know how hard she laughed?” Paul asked loudly, bursting into laughter himself. “She called him a poor little worm and I told her that he wasn’tthatlittle,” he wheezed.
“Come on, Paul.” Atlas scrubbed his brow. He was mortified at the thought of all the questions and all the jokes. His mother had been a partner at an accounting firm and had recently retired. Atlas often suggested she try her hand at standup since she thought she was so funny.
“Everything’s going to be fine,” Paul insisted. “I knew you’d fit in and you’ve been doing a great job. Give yourself permission to take a break, though. You’ll never look back and wish you had worked more.”
“No… I need to talk to Declan. I’ll do it this weekend,” he vowed.
“I think this weekend was a bonding experience for the two of you and that things are going to be different. Reginald’s usually more open and expressive after an intense trip, and I’ve heard that LSD has been shown to help with depression in some instances.”
“I think you might be right. As long as he’s not scarred from the whole episode.”
Paul laughed. “I talked to Declan for about an hour this morning and he says he remembers very little and feels surprisingly well-rested. Still mortified, but he’s taking it well.”
“He’s so much more resilient than he gives himself credit for.”
