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“Lots of practice!” my mother smiled at me.
I shook my head and closed my eyes. “I don’t think I can do this on my own,” I said softly to my mom. “It’s too hard.”
“Did you talk to Matthew?”
I told her about our conversation and how I would have to go it alone if I kept the baby.
“I made an appointment with a doctor for tomorrow morning,” I said. “I’ll see what he says. Maybe, I don’t know. I mean, how do I do this on my own?”
“It’s hard,” my mother admitted. “Especially in the beginning when they’re so small. I was alone back then, as you know, my mother and I weren’t talking. One of my friends, Yasmin, you know her? She came to stay with me for a bit, that helped a lot. It was before she got married and had her own kids.”
“But I didn’t have a career,” my mother went on. “I gave up working, I was basically at home with you for that first year. Until my money ran out and I had to swallow my pride and talk to my mother. Then things improved. Childcare is expensive. Does Egal have a crèche or something?”
I didn’t know.
But I didn’t think I could keep on working there one way or another. I would have to find another job.
“I don’t know what to do,” I whispered to my mom.
“We’ll figure it out,” she said.
She got up carefully to put down the baby and I convinced the older kids to get ready for bed. Then I cleaned up the apartment. My mother helped me. We waited for Doris to come back. It was after ten when she finally came through the door, and I was delighted to see her. I’d started having nightmare visions where she simply didn’t return, and I was stuck with her children for the rest of my life. They were nice enough, but I could see how I’d barely have time to wipe my nose with all the cleaning, cooking, and tidying I’d have to do. I wasn’t ready for any of that.
By the time I made it back to our place, I wanted only to get into my bed.
I didn’t want to see Matthew ever again.
So, imagine my surprise when I got up the next morning, stumbled to the kitchen to find some coffee and saw Mathew sitting at the kitchen counter, chatting amicably with my mother.
“What the…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. I was wearing a big T-shirt that barely covered my bits and my hair was a complete disaster. Matthew, on the other hand, had a freshly ironed shirt and smart jeans on.
“I came last night but you weren’t here,” he said, jumping up as soon as he saw me. “So, I came back this morning, before you went to work.”
“I’m not going to work,” I said.
“Why?”
I shrugged. I didn’t feel like talking to Matthew. My mother went into her room and closed the door so we could talk. I heard her put on some music to give us privacy.
“Why are you here?” I asked. “How did you even get my address?”
“I’ve been thinking. A lot, since I saw you yesterday,” he said. “I know I didn’t react well. The news about the baby was… not what I was expecting.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Really? Because this was just what I was expecting to happen.”
I poured myself coffee.
“I want you to know that you’re not alone in this decision.”
“Oh?”
“If you want to keep it, I’ll help you. If you don’t, I guess that’s fine too. But… I wish you would decide to keep it.
“You do? But yesterday… “
He interrupted me. “Yesterday, I was in shock. I didn’t have time to think.”
