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Polly licked her lips, then looked at Elizabeth. Elizabeth looked away, and Polly seemed to understand she was going to have to be the one to give the report. “Miserable?” she finally said. “He basically never leaves the office. He stays super late and gets there super early. When he interacts with people, he’s short with them and mean. He has fired three people in the last week for the smallest things. The magazine is doing great–Tristan had this idea about turning it into sort of an ebook that published in online bookstores. They couldn’t get backed by a publisher so Dominic figured out how to do it on their own. The digital sales have been dwarfing print sales, so they’ve been shifting everything to the digital side and it just keeps growing. And–”
Elizabeth cleared her throat.
Polly looked down. “And I’m not talking about Dominic anymore. But you’d think he would be happy with how the company is growing. Instead, he just seems more and more mad every day.”
“Almost like he regrets losing you,” Elizabeth said.
For some reason, that made my heart start pounding and my breath catch.No, Darcy. You don’t care if he misses you or regrets what happened, right? You’re settled on the fact that he’s an asshole you are better off without.But I didn’t feel set on any of that. I just felt lost and like I missed having someone in my life who understood me. Someone who could hold me when I was sad.
“Good,” I said.
Charleston leaned forward, narrowing his eyes. “What’s going through your head, Darcy? I can see you thinking.”
“If you can read minds, read this.” I stared at him and tried to think the words “fuck you” as loudly as I could.
Charleston grinned. “Thinking mean thoughts isn’t going to scare me off. I know you get nasty when you’re sad.”
I couldn’t help chuckling. He really did know me well. They all did. So why did I still feel like I was missing some level of understanding without Dominic? “I think Dominic would have to give the apology of all apologies if he wanted to make things right between us.”
“Wait, so there’s a chance?” Elizabeth said. “I wasn’t asking because I figured there was no chance. Butdude, if you would take him back, our lives would be so much easier.”
I rolled my eyes. “So you want me to forgive him for your sake?”
“Yes!” she said. Elizabeth smiled and tilted her head. “Seriously, though. I want you to be happy. You’ve been just as miserable as Dominic since you two split. Rule of thumb? If two people break up and they are both miserable, chances are the break up was a mistake.”
“If he’s so miserable, why hasn’t he even tried to contact me?” I asked.
“Because he’s stubborn and he’s a man?” Charleston suggested. “Or maybe he thinks he’s doing you a favor by staying away.”
I chewed my lip. I could picture Dominic twisting things into some stupid, chivalrous version of reality. I also could sort of understand him assuming I would never forgive him. Up until a few minutes ago I didn’t think I would, either.
“I could talk to him,” Polly said.
“Please, don’t.” I rubbed my hands over my face. “I’m just tired and frustrated right now. I’ll get over it. Bringing Dominic into the mix is the last thing I need.”
Conversation drifted to another topic, but I didn’t miss the way Elizabeth kept shooting me curious glances. I had a bad feeling she wasn’t fully on board with the whole “listen to Darcy” train.
Worse, I wasn’t completely sure Iwantedto be listened to.
36
DOMINIC
Marcus, Tristan, my dad, and the CEO of one of the biggest publishing houses in the country sat around a conference table with me. We were downstairs in the newly renovated lower floor ofThe Squawkerbuilding. Growing the business meant growing the team, which meant we’d long since outgrown the office space upstairs. With Marcus’ help, we’d made a deal to buy out the apartments below and the lobby on the ground floor. It was all ours, and we’d saved what we could, but gutted most of it to form the executive offices. Our new lead editor got my old office upstairs and the new HR division I’d set up took over Tristan and Marcus’ old offices.
The company was growing at rapid speed, and now it was set to grow even further.
I waited at the end of the table with my fingers templed, half-listening. My dad played no involvement in getting us to this point, other than writing the check for the initial acquisition of the company. I had to grudgingly admit that, but he’d been hands-off save for his one intervention that cost me Darcy four months ago. It felt like it had been longer. The wound from that day seemed to grow every night. I’d lay in bed restlessly replaying everything that had happened. The memories were worn and smooth at the edges by now. I’d visited them so often they were locked in my mind as clearly as they day they happened.
Dan Orlen, the CEO ofToll Housepublishing was talking and I’d zoned out. I made an effort to listen again. “...prepared to offer what you’re earning now plus twenty percent. And we believe we can increase your sales by at least ten percent per quarter for the foreseeable future. With our audience, you could…”
I drifted back out of the moment. At some point, Marcus stepped in and shook the proper hands while my dad beamed like this was all his doing. I should’ve given a shit. This was my dream, wasn’t it? I’d done it without his help, but there he was like a puffed up rooster pretending it was all thanks to his hard work.
But I didn’t care. I just felt numb. When I wasn’t numb, I was mad.
Those were the only two emotions I seemed to experience anymore. The sad truth was that I’d seen what color my life took on when Darcy was around. She made everything more vivid. More real. She made the things I’d never cared about seem like they were the important things all along–like protecting people who needed protecting or stopping to smell the roses. She’d also made the things I thought mattered feel like dust slipping through my fingers, and that had scared me.
I saw that now.
