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Darcy had scared the shit out of me. She’d skipped into my life and upended everything I thought I knew. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to pour yourself into work and nothing else. Maybe it would be nice to care about someone–to have a woman to come home to. Maybe there were better uses for talents than accumulating money and success, like protecting someone you care about.
I ran a hand down my face. The meeting was wrapping up and I went through the motions of thanking Dan, shaking his hand, and even suffering my dad’s proud smile. I went upstairs when it was over. I didn’t make a habit of going up there much since our offices downstairs were finished a few weeks ago. For some reason, I felt drawn to that space, though. Maybe it was just the pathetic knowledge that Darcy had been there once–like I could cling to some ghost of her memory if I just wandered the floor.
As usual, I drew a combination of stares of terror and averted gazes when I left the elevator. I folded my arms and just stood there, surveying the room and watching the space where Darcy’s workstation had been. There was a man there now with dreadlocks and headphones in. He was bobbing his head and hadn’t noticed me yet.
I sighed and headed for the break room. I didn’t really know what I was doing, but I felt like I’d been slowly drifting out of orbit for the last few months. At first, I told myself I could just pump my legs and find my way back to the surface any time I wanted. I could still see my old life right there, after all. Now there was no use pretending. I was practically in the depths of deep space, drifting further and further every day. I didn’t even know how to get back anymore.
A cold, logical voice in my mind whispered Darcy’s name. Because I knew the truth, didn’t I? Darcy was my line back to sanity. She was the answer. She was fucking everything. But I’d also had plenty of time to look back on how I’d behaved. I was like poison for her.
I couldn’t trust myself not to do it again. I’d lured her in, let her hand me a piece of her heart, and then I’d stomped on it right in front of her. And why? Because I was scared. It was pathetic, and she deserved better. I deserved this empty life I’d carved out for myself, and I fully planned to wallow in it.
And then Polly walked into the break room.She closed it behind her and chewed her lip. “Mr. Lockwood, there’s something you should know.”
37
DOMINIC
Ifelt like a complete idiot. But I guessed I deserved to feel like an idiot, didn’t I?
I was waiting in the lobby ofThe Union Coastbuilding with a bouquet of flowers in my hand. I’d looked up a list of what all the different colors of flowers represented. I obviously considered red, since it would most clearly send a message that I still cared about her. White was the color for apologies, apparently. That was also an obvious contender. But I figured the apology part was sort of implied in the fact that I was giving flowers, wasn’t it?
So in the end, I settled on a bouquet of flowers in every color. Because, hell, I’d fucked up in just about every way, hadn’t I? Maybe if I mixed them all together I’d nail the right mixture of “sorry”.
In the end, I was only hoping to mend the rift between us. If I was lucky, maybe we could be friends going forward. I’d probably be tempted to break the neck of the first guy she dated and told me about, but I’d do my best to keep my act together. Friendship was all I could convince myself I deserved from her. After Polly told me how Darcy was going on and on about wishing we had never split up over drinks, I decided I still couldn’t let myself think this was going to be like a reset button. I wasn’t going to go back to her and expect to pick up where we left off. I’d proven I couldn’t handle being in a relationship with her, but maybe I could handle being her friend.
In a lot of ways, I felt like an addict going back for one hit and telling lies to myself that I wouldn’t get hooked this time. But fuck it. The lies got me off my ass and in this building, and that was a start.
The receptionist smiled when she saw the flowers. “Wow, who is the lucky girl?”
“Darcy McClain,” I said. “I think she’s on the fourth floor. Can I bring these up to her?”
“Sorry, guests aren’t allowed up without an appointment. I could page her and have her come down to get them, if that’s okay.”
“Uh, yeah. Sure. I’ll wait outside. Just send her out when she comes.”
The girl smiled and I headed outside to wait on the sidewalk under the overhang. I was pacing and kept checking my watch. How long would it take her? Ten minutes passed and then twenty. She still hadn’t come down.
With the way Polly made it sound, Darcy was desperate to talk to me again. I figured maybe there had been a mistake, so I headed back inside. “Excuse me,” I said.
The girl looked up and winced when she saw me. “I paged her three times, Sir. She finally sent a message down just a minute ago saying she doesn’t want to see you.” She gave an apologetic shrug.
I glanced toward the staircase. “Sorry,” I said, then jogged toward the stairs and took them two at a time. I ignored the receptionist calling after me. She was probably going to call security, but I just needed to see it for myself. Why would she act desperate to talk to me again and then turn me away when I show up?
I expected a scene similar to the one atThe Squawkerwhere I’d be able to spot her as soon as I entered the floor. Instead, I was greeted with frosted glass partitions in a maze-like pattern. Every employee was sectioned off in a little glass box and I had no way to know where Darcy was. I started moving through the room, opening doors and finding surprised face after surprised face, but no Darcy.
“Darcy!” I shouted. “Where are you?”
My heart was pounding. I could hear someone heavy jogging in my direction–probably security. “Darcy!”
“Sir,” a man came up from behind me and took me by the arm. He was out of shape and several inches shorter than me, but wore a black shirt with “Security” printed over the chest and a little badge emblem. “I need you to leave. This building is private.”
“Darcy!” I shouted, tugging from his grip.
The man radioed for backup and I pressed on, moving through the halls shouting her name as curious faces popped up from half-opened doors.
Finally, I saw Darcy come down the hallway toward me. I’d sort of expected a tearful hug when she saw me, but she was scowling and coming my way fast.
That didn’t look good.
