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She no longer cared how pleading she sounded. What she wanted now was simply for her husband to hold her. And she understood that, even in the year she’d thought their marriage over, she’d always thought Tristram her husband.
And Tristram held her, just as she’d asked him, and she revelled in the deep, delicious warmth of his embrace.
“Kiss me, please,” she urged him, in the same entreating voice.
He lowered his lips to hers, but still he hesitated, and Judith found herself capturing his lips with hers in a hungry kiss. For so long she’d dreamt of his kisses.
Soon kissing turned to tender, lingering caresses, and Judith luxuriated in them because it was, in truth, the first time since their reconciliation that Tristram was kissing her. And it was the very first time their coupling was tender and sweet rather than ardent and frenzied.
Later, Judith lay sated upon her belly, watching her husband through the same avid, lovesick eyes with which she’d always looked upon him. Yet she saw that while he’d undressed her during their lovemaking, the undertunic he’d worn all day had stayed in place.
“Will you not undress for bed?” she asked lazily, thinking that, perchance, she might persuade him to love her again after they were both naked.
He shook his head, and stared away from her.
“Nay. I am weary,” he told her tersely.
She sighed, understanding he was still cross with her for wanting to end their marriage. And she felt cross with herself, although she knew that at the time she’d felt she’d had no other choice. Yet they were still bound in spite of her actions, and she still loved him. And he… Tristram may not ever grow to love her, but he had protected her and kept her on as his wife, instead of taking his revenge. So he was not as unfeeling towards her as she’d thought him. Judith resolved she would settle for this for all times – because she understood she could no longer bring herself to ever part from him, no matter how little regard he now had for her.
She looked at him with full love in her eyes, deciding once and for all not to care she was not loved in return. She brushed a kiss upon his lips, and held both his hands towards her, marvelling how graceful and long-fingered they were. He frowned at her in puzzlement, but didn’t push her away, as she began to look upon his hands closely. One hand was still reddened from the spanking he’d given her, yet now she understood why he’d done it and how he’d strived to spare her from what must have been much worse.
She kissed both his hands, then noted something she’d never perceived before about Tristram.
“The little finger of your right hand… It’s slightly longer than the little finger of your left. See?” she said, feeling silly, yet very happy at what she’d uttered.
He shook his head in sheer puzzlement.
“What?”
“You’re flawed – truly flawed! I never thought it when I first met you! But you are. Flawed just like the rest of us! Not flawless! Not a dream come true! I see it now. And I am happy,” Judith said with a bright smile.
Tristram lookedat his wife in some alarm, because he hadn’t meant to spank her very hard, but it seemed the spanking was making her act strangely. Before, she’d been defiant of him, yet now she was sweet, just as the Judith he’d first fallen in love with. He suppressed a smile, suddenly understanding he still loved the old, sweet Judith just as much as he now loved the new, defiant one. It was a thing he could not help, no matter how hard he’d been trying to tell himself he no longer cared for her. However, he was still blazingly angry for how she’d behaved. And even if he felt sorry for having had to humble his wife in front of her people, and for bestowing upon her a harsher spanking than he’d ever wished, he still could not bring himself to forget she’d coldly spurned him.
“Just go to sleep now, wife,” he ordered, making his voice stern.
Yet he could not sleep, knowing he had a grim day of punishment of his own ahead tomorrow, and not failing to recall how it had been between him and Judith and how he’d never understood why she’d come to part from him.
Chapter 15
Two years ago, 1172
Tristram had had enough of Redmore, and he’d already begun to long for his own home, warmer and with more comfort than this northern castle. He’d strived to see Redmore through Judith’s eyes, but he had failed. And it did not help that Judith behaved differently towards him than he’d envisaged. The first day after his arrival, she’d professed she had pressing business and she had avoided him. Tristram had told himself she was upset by the discourteous way he’d behaved towards her on the stairs, and he had berated himself for his barely governed lust. He’d refrained from touching her ever since, trying to engage her in talk and laughter, and telling himself that once she saw he did not mean to treat her like an unfeeling lout, she was bound to forgive him for the crude, artless caresses he’d bestowed upon her on the day of his arrival. Yet, in spite of all his efforts to behave courteously, Judith was cold to him, and had taken to coming to bed long after he did. Tristram began to understand she was truly angered by what he’d done. So he’d tried to have an earnest talk with her.
“Judith, the day of my arrival. On the stairs. I behaved wretchedly. I see only too well I’ve angered you, and for that I wish to–”
Judith had cut him off with a bright smile.
“Nay, you have nothing to reproach yourself for, my lord. You’ve always been considerate and kind to me. It’s just that Redmore takes so much of my time now! I am weary.”
Tristram had nodded, but he’d seen the look in her eyes. It was sad and forlorn. But perchance Judith was right, and she worried much over Redmore. He’d seen how hard she toiled every day to oversee her home and learn things she hadn’t known before, and he’d attempted to aid her in some of her duties. Yet he’d found most of the people in the castle spoke the English of the North and he had trouble keeping up with them. Nevertheless he was now striving to learn this new and different English, and he felt confident he’d soon overcome this obstacle. He’d tried to get Judith to teach him, thinking this would help regain the bond they’d shared before they’d parted, but Judith had claimed to be too tired or too busy to teach him her way of speaking.
He sighed, beginning to think there was an easy way out of their conundrum. He loved his own home and he was needed there. And he could not see why Judith could not join him there. She was his wife, and from now on they belonged together. He didn’t wish to ever part from her for as long as he had. Certainly, he would go away whenever he was summoned by his liege, but once both he and Judith resided at Devensey, which was far closer to London and the Court, their life would become easier. And Judith would find it less arduous to oversee his demesne, rather than be burdened with the care of stark Redmore. Sir Roderick and his capable wife would get more aid in overseeing things at Redmore, as he and Judith could appoint several of their vassals to come to help manage it. As for Lady Fenice, she could certainly join them in their new home, and he believed the warmer, gentler climate of his home and the increased comfort would improve the good lady’s health. He liked the lady Fenice because she reminded him of the wise, tender mother he’d lost, and he would never dream of having Judith part from her.
“I have been thinking,” he said cautiously one day, when he’d finally been able to persuade Judith to take a walk with him upon the hills. “If Redmore is such a burden to you, perchance you might consider joining me at Devensey.”
He brightened when he thought of his home, and began to understand this might be the change Judith needed in order to become his wife in truth. She would learn to know him better by getting to know his childhood home, and thus begin to see he truly cared for her. Perchance she’d learn to love him.
Judith frowned at him.
