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That horrid skank!
“That’s a lie. I would never say that. I would’ve come running back home had I known you were hurt.” My voice shook. “Please tell me you believe me.”
“Why would she lie, though? She saw how fucked up I was when you left.” He was trying to piece the puzzle together. “I was so messed up, not only physically but mentally, too. That’s why I felt like I owed her when she wanted to marry me because she helped me when I was at my lowest—she helped me get back up again.”
Pure bull. Couldn’t he see she had been willing to do anything to get him?
“She helped you recover with the healing powers of her vagina? Well, that’s neat. I’m sure there’s amazing medicinal benefits to that which made you forget about me.” Sarcasm at its best. I was angry at her, and then at him for believing her shit.
“She’s not all that bad.”
Oh, so he was defending her? That made my evil twin come out and play. In my angered state, I pulled away from him as I started spewing the crap that Edith had pulled since third grade. From my father’s blackmail picture and the ongoing threats she kept on until high school, I put it all out in the open. I had lost so much… all because one woman had wanted him for herself.
Glancing over at Grey, I had to know one thing that nagged at my heart the most.
“Do you still love her?” I asked, holding my breath.
He looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “It’s not like that, not in the way you think.”
“Well, then can you explain to me why you’d go to the trouble of proposing to her and telling her you loved her?”
He jumped out of the bed, wanting to be close to me, however I stretched my arm out, telling him not to come closer because I needed some space to think.
“Where did you hear that?”
We were airing everything out, so I might as well come out with the truth. “I was there in the back of the church… in the courtyard, listening to you guys talk.”
“You where there? And you didn’t think that maybe you should’ve come out of your hiding spot?”
“Why should I when I had just heard her declare that you took a great amount of trouble in making a perfect proposal? Did you know how it felt to hear that?”
“I’m sorry. I was in such a bad place that I wanted to do anything to erase you. I care about Edith, and I’m not going to lie that I tried to fall for her the way I did with you—”
“Shhh—that’s enough.” I wanted to faint and barf at the same time.
Holding a hand over my heart, I slowly walked towards the chair to get my robe before walking out the door. I was aware of him calling my name out, yet I was in my own world of hurt, needing some alone time. I found myself sitting on my heels as I stared into the crystal waters of the creek, wondering how life had immediately turned sour again. This up and down rollercoaster when it came to Greyson was going to kill me soon.
“I’m not in love with Edith… I never was. I only loved one woman, and she walked out on me too many times to count.” He took a moment before adding more to my tears. “She scares me, but I have never felt more alive than when she enters my world.
“When she left, I thought I wasn’t going to ever be okay. So I did what other guys my age did; partied and hooked up with random girls and did as much drugs as my body allowed. This went on every day for almost a straight month, thinking that I was invincible and could do whatever I fucking wanted until the accident happened. I was drifting in the canyons, high off coke, weed and alcohol before I crashed into a tree. Had it not been for the tree—the car would’ve rolled off the mountain and I would be dead. My car was totaled, so I got the exact same one. That way not a lot of people would know about what happened. Edith was there the second she found out, never leaving my side.
“I can’t say what her motives were as to why she didn’t make that call when I asked her to. In a way, it was probably her being protective of me, and at the same time, to also get what she wanted for herself. She saw how much I suffered, she cried and begged me to straighten up until, one day, I actually listened to her and started to change my daily routine. Cutting off the parties was the first thing I did, then the women and I only occasionally used drugs. Without all of my usual habits, the only thing left was Edith.
“When she offered for me to use her, at first I wasn’t comfortable with the idea ‘cause that shit ain’t me—not like that, it’s different from one night stands. We were basically together almost on a daily basis and she did what I wanted, never causing a scene, no arguments in the least. It was all easy and pleasant. So I thought then that this was the exact opposite of what I had with Olivia—much healthier in the mind—and it wasn’t as bad as I thought in the beginning.
“After that, I started opening up to her about how I felt about her and how much I worship her from head to foot. I would have these nightly confessions, and she’d listen to me blabber without interrupting me, making me feel secure while, somehow, I started to feel her love. I saw the difference between the two, and I started to see her differently then. I thought that, if I could love a woman who didn’t even love me back, why the heck couldn’t I fall for someone who was already in love with me? I mean, things were so easy and chill with Edith, why not take our relationship to another level?
“At first, it was just sex with her, but when I decided to change it, I would get dreams of the woman who fucked me inside out. The dreams were just images for a while, then it started becoming so vivid and incredibly real that, sometimes, I would wake up wondering where I was. It got so bad that I had to push her out of my mind before sex because I couldn’t get any enjoyment out of it with her constantly in my head.
“Then Edith found out about her cancer and I took the plunge, desperate to help her out, and at the same time, wanting to push this woman that was haunting me out of my life forever. But it never played that way because, the second I knew she got back, I started hanging out in the pool house again, checking her window with the telescope we had used to watch stars at night.
“Seeing her from afar confirmed how much I had failed in trying to get over her. Then, seeing her up close the next day made me almost lose control because her boyfriend was all over her, kissing her as if she didn’t belong to me. Each silent glance they shared, each kiss, each touch, I counted it all, promising that I’d punish her in the same amount. I wasn’t expecting her to come out of her room and head straight towards where I was hiding in the pool house. However, when fate handed me an opportunity like that, I knew I just had to grab it and own her once again. Yet, I was stupid to think that because, as I realized too late, I was the one who got owned.
“My ego was so damaged that it was hard to say the things I wanted to say, and to be honest, it was harder to understand my conflicted feelings in the beginning. But I realized that, no matter how much I hated her or how much I adored and worshipped her body, mind and heart as I had done before, the outcome hadn’t changed… and it never would. And when I accepted that, I knew I had to make a decision if I wanted to pursue the woman I need to be with….”
I had been staring straight into the water and it took me awhile to notice he wasn’t talking anymore. When he spoke again, I felt him right behind me, almost touching my body, and his warmth radiated off him, hugging my senses.
“The other night I came home late—it wasn’t because I was doing anyone or wanting to meet any girl for that matter. I knew that’s what you thought, but it wasn’t like that at all. I was with Edith the whole time.” He wrapped his arms around my hips, locking me in so I wouldn’t move and run away, and that was just what I was about to do before he had done that. “Stop doing that and listen to me—please. I haven’t been with anyone after that Christmas morning. I only wanted you and no one else after that. I went to see her because I needed to discuss something important. She needed time to come to terms with the fact that I was divorcing her, but I promised to still take care of her bills and her living expenses.”
