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“I know you. I know your heart. I know how much you loved your girls. You would’ve done whatever you had to for them.”
“That’s nice of you to say.”
“They’re not just words. That’s how I see you. It’s how we all see you.”
“And I appreciate that. I really do. It’s just that I wonder sometimes how it’s possible to still be this much of a mess almost three years later. I thought it would get better. I really did.”
“Ithasgotten better. In the time I’ve known you, I’ve seen you come back to life. It hasn’t happened overnight, but you’ve done the hard work, and you’re still doing it while reaching a hand out to others who’ve suffered terrible losses with your posts. You have no idea how much your words resonate with so many people.”
“That’s become a much bigger deal than I ever thought it would when I started posting.”
“It’s a lifeline to me and so many others. The first thing I do every morning, before I even take care of my kids, is check your Insta.”
That surprises me. “Really?”
“Really. You can’t possibly know how many times your words have given me the strength to face the day.”
“Wow. Thank you. That means a lot coming from you. If you ask me, you’re slaying this widow game and giving the rest of us someone to look up to as we fumble through it.”
“Don’t give me that kind of credit,” she says. “I don’t deserve it.”
“Yes, you do. Maybe you don’t see how you’re always there for everyone in our group, no matter what might be happening in your own life. If someone is having a rough day, Iris is the first one to step up for them. You give us all summer pool passes and a safe place to hang out when we can’t stand our own company any longer. You’re like the home base of the Wild Widows, whether you see that or not.” I’m horrified when her eyes flood with tears. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She dabs at her eyes. “That was just such a lovely thing to say about me.”
“It’s all true, Iris. You’re the heart and soul of this whole thing, and we all know it. That’s why I couldn’t bear to have what happened last night mess up our friendship.”
“It won’t. I promise. No matter what, I won’t let it.”
“I won’t either, but I want you to know… It meant a lot to me to be with you that way, that you wanted to be with me that way. All of it.”
A smile lights up her pretty brown eyes. “Same.”
“We should go back with the others before our simultaneous absence causes a scandal.”
“Before we do that, let me just say this.” I lean in and kiss her. And because that one feels so good, I do it again.
She looks slightly dazed when I finally pull back from her.
I understand that, because I feel more than a little dazed by how easily we transitioned from friends to lovers.
“You want to go out first?” I ask her. “I need a minute.”
She glances at my lap, which doesn’t help the situation. “Um, sure.”
Nudging her, I say, “Get going.”
“I’m going.”
As I watch her go, I feel a sense of elation that’s so at odds with my usual state of mind that it leaves me staggered. I’m so taken aback to feel something reminiscent of my life “before” that it’s like someone has punched me. I sit there for a long time after Iris walks away, long after I need to, reeling from the return of something I would’ve thought lost forever.
4
IRIS
It’s Sunday lunchtime before I get a minute alone with Roni. “You want to take a walk?” I ask her, giving her a look that I hope conveys my need to talk to her.
“Derek, do you mind listening for Dylan for a few minutes?”
