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“I’m okay now,” I said. “Thank you for checking. I didn’t come because I was mugged on my way home from work today.” Damian’s brows drew together as I said the words. I could tell it pained him. “He made off with my purse, but that was it. I don’t think I’ll be coming into class tonight though. I’m just here at my apartment with my boyfriend, taking care of things.”
“That’s horrible. I’m so sorry! I’ll tell Mr. Mitchell. Take care, okay?”
“Thanks, Veronica.” I swiped the phone off and looked up at Damian. His face was drawn, and he stared down at the carpet.
My stomach clenched. I immediately knew what was wrong. I’d used the wordboyfriend.
“Why do you have this face?” I asked, gesturing toward him. He dragged his gaze up to meet mine, the answer written there, though he said nothing. “It’s because I called you my boyfriend, isn’t it?”
“Jessa…we’ve talked about this,” he started out slowly.
“What do you call someone who races across two boroughs during rush hour to console a lover who just got robbed?” I asked him, cocking my hip. “What do you call the man who offers a chauffer and car to a woman just so she can avoid the subway? Or who lies down in bed with her just because she asked you to?”
His gaze darkened.
“Hookupdoesn’t seem right. I don’t think it’ssugar daddy,” I went on. “Butboyfriendseems appropriate, don’t you think?”
“I told you at the beginning,” Damian said in a low voice. “I’m not made for that stuff. Itoldyou.”
“So you don’t want to be with me?”
He hesitated. “It’s not that. I like what we have going. Why can’t we just continue it as-is? Without labels. Who needs labels?”
Hurt slashed through me. If Harper had been the fling who hadn’t gotten the memo, what did that make me? The hopeful fiancée who missed a million of them? Humiliation lashed through me.
“I guess I misunderstood what we had going on,” I forced out, emotion making my chest go tight again, but for different reasons this time. “Have you been exclusive?”
“Of course.”
“So then why can’t we call each other boyfriend and girlfriend?”
Damian shook his head. “Jessa, I told you at the beginning. This is my hard line—whatever feels good, no strings attached. Remember? I don’t want to go past that. Now would you pack some things so we can leave?”
I lifted a brow. “To go where?”
“Back to my penthouse, so we can find a better apartment for you.”
“So you’re trying to take me to live with you temporarily, yet you won’t even call me your girlfriend. That sounds like a few strings to me. Actions speak louder than words, Damian. Didn’t you just tell me that?”
An exasperated sigh rocketed out of him. “Jessa. There’s no chance at long-term with me. There never was. I told you this from day one, and you accepted it.”
“But why?”
“Why what?”
“Why is there no chance at long-term?” The question came out on a whisper. I searched his face for some hint, some answer, but all I could see was conflict and tension.
Damian’s throat bobbed, and he seemed like he was weighing his words. “Because it’s not in the cards for me. I don’t know how else to explain it,” he finally said. “I don’t deserve it.”
“Oh, Damian.” I touched his face, dragging my thumb over his cheek. “How could you say that?”
“Because it’s true. It’s too much after the way I failed my sisters. I just can’t do it, Jessa. It’s fine if you don’t understand. But I’ve told you from the beginning what I can give you. And it’s not long-term.”
There was a hardness behind his eyes, a wall I couldn’t penetrate, much less understand. And behind that: fear.
But I knew he wasn’t lying. He believed it. And if he believed it, then it was true.
“I’ll always do what I can do protect you. You’re in my inner circle. But I can’t give you what you want.”
