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“Nothing’s wrong with it,” I answer, “it’s just when you think of a good burger spot, you think of a hole in the wall.”
“Just because it’s expensive doesn’t mean it’s not good. In fact, it should mean the opposite.” Kane raises an eyebrow.
“Nah, more expensive means less food and more pictures. You’re really only paying for an aesthetically, social media pleasing looking plate.”
Kane smiles as the waiter comes over and takes our order. I order a burger with everything on it, including bacon and a fried egg. Kane orders a fish sandwich with a side salad.
“So, did Veronica seek you out or was it the other way around?” I cut straight to the chase. I need to know everything that happened between him and my mom and why he never knew about me.
“Before I answer that, let’s get some liquor in our system. I know we’re going to need it.” I nod my head in agreement at his statement.
A few minutes and a couple shots later, we’re ready to tackle this long-awaited conversation.
“I met your mom when I was fresh out of high school. I was 18 without a care in the world, always seeking out a party to attend. Drinking and girls were my two favorite things. Veronica was at one of the parties I attended on campus, and I swear she was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. She gave me a hard time at first,” he laughs, “but after what felt like hours of pestering her, she finally gave me her number.”
Our food arrives and we take a few bites before he continues.
“She didn’t go to my school and only came to the party because a friend begged her. I’d like to say it was fate that brought us together that night. We were attached at the hip ever since. I took her out on dates every chance I got, skipped a few classes to meet with her and just hang out, even snuck her in my dorm room a few times so I could just cuddle with her throughout the night.”
He takes another shot of his tequila.
“I felt myself falling in love and it scared me. My mom and dad got divorced when I was young, and it traumatized me. Made me feel like love is a lie used to sucker you in and fuck you up. I told myself I had to get out of this relationship before it was too late. To protect Veronica…your mom, for the impending heartbreak. Little did I know it was too late for both of us and we already fell…hard.”
I scrunch my face up at this story, my emotions a jumble of confusion because I’m finally getting the full story. My mom never had the chance to tell me her perspective but at least I can finally know what went down between them.
“I wasn’t a good guy back then. I threw myself into an arrangement with Melinda because I needed to make sure Veronica didn’t try to fight for me. I did things to hurt her and make her think everything we had was a lie. I needed her to stay away. Melinda was an escape goat that turned permanent. We were only supposed to make out a few times in public so it could seem like I wasn’t fazed over Veronica. Well, Veronica saw us one day and the look on her face tore me to shreds. I got drunk and fucked Melinda, which resulted in Connor being conceived. When I found out I was going to be a dad, I had to grow up and face the consequences.
I haven’t spoken to or seen your mom since, and I only found out about her passing because one of our old mutual friends called asking for my services. We caught up and they told me about her accident and that she had a son. I did the math and contacted the adoption agency you went through, requesting any information they could indulge. They sent me a picture and I knew instantly you were mine. That’s when I sent you the letter.”
This is so much information to unpack that I’m momentarily stunned. I understand now why my mom never told him about me. She figured he didn’t give a fuck about her, which forced her to go through it all alone.
She had to do things she wasn’t proud of to keep food on the table, and I thought my dad would be one of the men she entertained.
Man was I way off.
“I understand if you’re pissed at me for how I treated your mother at the end, but understand this. If I could change anything, it’d be never contacting her afterwards. I’ve thought about it so many times, but I was a coward. I’m so grateful to Melinda for giving me Connor and Amethyst, but it would’ve been perfect if you were there too.” He reaches across the table to grab my shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
“Do you even love Melinda?” I ask, trying to make sense of it all.
“I do, yes. I can’t lie, it took me years to get over Veronica, and deep down I still love her. I grew to love Melinda, but it’ll never hold a candle to what I felt for your mom. I guess that’s my karma.” His eyes show an incredibly deep sadness, forcing me to focus my attention to my napkin on the table.
“So, is contacting me your way of making up for it? To make yourself feel better about what you did? What did you even hope to gain?” I’m starting to get angry the more questions keep popping into my mind.
“I hoped to gain a son,” he says simply.
We just stare at each other, and something feels like it clicks into place. Warmth floods through me and it feels as though my mom is giving me the okay to let my guard down a little. To give Kane the chance he never had.
“I felt so alone,” I start, giving him insight on my life and where I’ve been mentally the past 21 years. I end off with telling him about the club and how Ian stormed off. I leave out parts with Demi because that’s something I’m keeping to myself for now.
I won’t lie, it feels good finally getting all of this off my chest, and hopefully it isn’t for nothing.
I know he still has some issues to workout with my siblings, but for now, it feels good to know that he is present and actively listening to what I’m saying.
Chapter 18
Demi
The garden is pretty peaceful tonight.
