AllFreeNovel
Share Us
EMILIA
The next thirty-six hours go by in an entirely stressed-out, cleaning-frenzied daze. I try my best to leave Kai alone to work, yet I constantly find myself peering over his shoulder until he gets frustrated and tells me to go away. That’s when I pick out a room and decide it’s my mission in life to make it sparkle like it’s never sparkled before. By now, the entire house is probably cleaner than it’s ever been. Even the goddamn cutlery shines so damn brightly you could use the back of a spoon as a mirror.
I don’t think either of us has slept more than an hour or two, and the tension is at an all-time high. The only thing I have to be thankful for is the fact that Wilder hasn’t come home. I couldn’t possibly deal with him on top of everything else right now. Hawk came back after work again last night, but none of us were in the mood to banter over wine and good food.
“Food’s ordered. Now come on,”Hawk says, looping his arm through mine and tugging me away from Kai. “I’m sure having you breathing down his neck isn’t helping him find answers any faster.”
“But…”
“He’s right,” Kai sighs, sounding exhausted. He looks it too, with his bloodshot eyes drooped with tiredness and encased in dark rings. “There’s nothing you can do to help. Go with Hawk and try to take your mind off everything. Trust me to find the answers we’re looking for.”
I hold his gaze. “I do trust you.”
He smiles, and even though it’s not one of his gorgeous, boy-next-door ones, it’s filled with gratitude.
“There you go,” Hawk states, tugging on my arm. “Leave the man to it.”
I let him drag me into the living room, and I sit and watch with a strange kind of detachment—like I’m here, but I’m not reallyhere—as he flits around the room, grabbing a big fluffy blanket and the TV remote before sitting on the opposite end of the sofa.
He browses through the various movies before selecting one. I’m thankful that he doesn’t ask for my opinion because, honestly, I don’t care. It’s not like I’m going to pay attention anyway. All of this is an exercise in futility. Nothing short of the apocalypse could distract me from wondering if this Jack guy is the one.
I remember he was annoying, but I wouldn’t have labeled him as mentally unstable. But then, if whoever this is, acted crazy, I’d probably have a better idea of who he is. Whoever is stalking me is fantastic at acting normal. At blending in. Which is what makes them so damn dangerous.
The movie is background noise to my chaotic thoughts as the minutes tick by. Occasionally, I feel Hawk’s eyes on me, searching, probing, but I keep my gaze glued to the television. The last thing I want is to start up a conversation, least of all with him. I don’t even understand what the hell is going on between us. It’s starting to feel like our truce last night was more than a temporary ceasefire.
Either that or he feels sorry for me, and this is all some type of pity affection.
God, please don’t let it be pity affection.
I don’t think I could handle that right now. I’d much rather he be his usual grumpy, apathetic self than only be kind out of pity. Although, if it’s not pity and this is an amnesty, then what the hell does that mean? Are we friends now? Are Hawk and I even capable of being friends?
No.
Hawk and I have never been friends. During high school, there was always animosity between us. It was only when we both acknowledged the underlying sexual tension that we set aside our barbs and cutting words in favor of tearing one another’s clothes off.
But if that’s the case, where does that leave us now?
When the food arrives, Hawk hands me mine, and I mutter a thank you before we return to our mutual silence. Something about his presence is reassuring in an odd, foreboding kind of way that I can’t quite explain. I just know that it steadies me. It doesn’t distract from the churning anxiety in my gut, but it prevents me from diving head-first into the deep end.
Eventually, I tell him I’m going to bed. His lips part as though he’s going to say something, but I don’t want to talk about it—or anything—right now. I just want to be left alone with my thoughts, so I scurry out of the room before he can say anything.
In the hall, I notice the kitchen lights are still on, and I debate going to check on Kai’s progress.He will come and tell you if there are any updates, I reassure myself, forcing my body in the direction of my bedroom.
I spend the rest of the night staring at my bedroom ceiling. Kai never knocks on my door, and I never hear him enter his room.
I’m currently rearrangingthe books on the shelf in the living room that I’m pretty sure no one actually reads when the creak of a floorboard behind me announces Kai’s presence. On cue, my body begins to tremble, apprehension pouring off me in waves as I turn to face him.
The second my eyes land on Kai’s face, my exhausted, wrung-out body drains of the last of its energy. My hand flies out to grab the back of a chair as my knees crumple beneath me. “No,” I cry.
“I’m sorry, Em.” Sympathy, frustration, and something that seems a lot like shame is written into the haggard lines of his face, but I’m too close to falling apart to truly take it in.
“But he was supposed to be the one.” My vision blurs, tears stinging my eyes before they overflow and race down my cheeks, and a sob rips from my throat. I’ve been trying so hard to keep it together, but I’m slowly losing my mind with stress and worry.
“I know. I’m sorry. I genuinely thought it was him.”
My arms shake violently, and when I try to take a step forward—not that I have any idea where I’m going, I can’t leave this goddamn house—my legs give out, and I go crashing to the ground. I don’t even register the pain in my knees as I hit the solid wood floor. My body is numb, my mind shutting down as I spiral into the hole I’ve been circling precariously for weeks now.
A deep-seated coldness seeps into my bones, nothing but emptiness blanketing my thoughts, muting them and my senses until nothing exists. Not the world around me. Not even the sound of my own breathing or the thud of my pulse. Time loses all meaning, becoming nothing but an abstract concept as I sink deeper into this well of helplessness.
