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“Okay, fine,” I admit. “But it only happened once, and it was because she bit my boob so hard at three in the morning I was seeing stars inside the house. But it was a fleeting thought.”
“Ooh, that’s a good one,” Mom says, pointing my way. “You might want to share that with Everett. I hear biting elicits the right endorphins when it comes to baby-making. Would you happen to recall if Noah did a little biting when it came to procreating?”
“Mother,” I hiss.
“There she goes again,” Mom says as both she and Carlotta roll their eyes.
A spray of miniature blue stars erupts between the four of us as the most adorable teeny weenie doxie materializes in our presence.
“There’s my good luck charm,” Carlotta says as she reaches out and swipes him up for herself. “You may have hogged the cookies at the bakery, but you’re not getting away with hoggin’ the balls. Unless, of course, you can help me get a strike.”
“If a strike helps me get a cookie, then expect to be striking the night away.” Teeny Weenie floats back a notch and inspects the miles of flesh before him. “Is it time for the Bare Exam again?”
“Don’t you know it,” Carlotta says. “And shockingly, you’re not the biggest wiener here.”
Mom chortles. “Oh, Carlotta, you are a hoot. But just so you know, people might find it off-putting if they see you talking to your boobs that way.”
Keelie chuckles. “Same with you, Lot. Hey? I can finally see a personality trait you and Carlotta have in common. But don’t worry, my mother talks to her boobs, too. Or was she calling my dad a boob?” Her brows furrow. “Anyway, I always thought it was kinda cute.”
I shake my head at the thought. “Well, expect to be dazzled this evening because I’m about to out-cute your mother.”
Neither Keelie nor my mother has a single clue about Carlotta’s supersensual status or mine. And all things considered, I think they’d rather believe we were talking to our boobs rather than the dead.
“I’ve got a case to solve and I need my lucky charm,” I say, attempting to snatch Teeny Weenie up for myself.
“Lottie Lemon,” my mother huffs while smacking me on the wrist. “Keep your hands to yourself. Didn’t you hear the man at the door? No touchy-touchy or no matter how cute your booty is it will get booted right out the door.”
Carlotta looks at the perky poltergeist. “Choose the boob you’re going to suckle off tonight, Weenie.”
Mom and Keelie frown at Carlotta. Understandable since neither of them can see the disembodied among us.
“I’m with you,” Weenie says with a tiny bark. “Sorry, Lottie. But Carlotta promised cookies and I get to mind her ball. Bella never gave me either. This is going to be a banner night.”
“I’ll make sure of it,” Carlotta says, dragging my mother off. “Let’s show these naked whippersnappers how it’s done.”
“How what’s done?” Mom asks with a note of horror in her voice.
“Not you, too,” Carlotta grouses. “Follow my lead. We’re going to be the popular girls tonight.”
“Do not even think about it, Mother,” I call out after them. “Believe me, this isn’t the place you want to be popular—at least tonight.”
A man walks by wearing a full suit with a large badge in the shape of a bowling ball pinned to his chest, and I see the word manager with something scrawled beneath it.
“You girls are really going above and beyond tonight,” he muses as he takes us in. “Go on and get to the kitchen. These people are as hungry as they are naked.” He ticks his head to the side as if he were equally amused and alarmed.
“Come on, Lot.” Keelie pulls me along. “It’s bad enough I’m practically naked. I’m half-starved, too. Let’s see what the kitchen has to offer.”
We trot on over, and all the way I inspect each and every lane looking for my mark but so far no such luck.
A chipped counter laden with food comes up on us, each platter with a number next to it.
“Ooh, I love nachos,” Keelie says, picking up a platter laden with the cheesy wonder.
“And I love pineapple Canadian bacon pizza,” I moan, picking up a luscious pie large enough for one person—me.
A small army of servers step up next to us to collect their own platters, and Keelie and I can’t help but notice they’re all fully clothed under their frilly white smocks.
A growl works its way up my throat. “I knew we should have inspected the place before taking off our skivvies. But no, we had to listen to Carlotta and jump into the deep end of the flesh pool.” I scowl at the droves of bodies with far too many moving parts for me to look at. “And each time I take the plunge with her, I find myself jumping into a pool without water.”
