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They rally Keelie, Lainey, Meg, Sam, Carlotta, my mother, Suze, Lily, and me into participating in the madness.
First up—a rousing game of bobbing for nipples.
Mixing bowls filled with floating brown nipples that will probably never see the light of a baby bottle are set out, much to the delight of the onlookers.
Charlie presses down on an air horn, and we’re off to the races.
Our hands are tied behind our backs with ribbon, and we’re given sixty seconds to retrieve as many of those rubber nipples as we can with our teeth.
Cormack’s posh crowd goes wild as we dunk our faces into the icy water trying to bite as many plastic nipples as we can.
Keelie wins, and Bear shoots off a few inappropriate remarks about other things she can do with her mouth.
Lovely.
Next is a fan favorite at these baby-centered gatherings. An obnoxious game called Sweet Mess.
Charlie and Naomi melted six different chocolate bars and slathered the results into six different diapers. We’re to taste and identify which candy bar is which.
Suze wins, and it’s not surprising to any of us since she’s the biggest brown noser of the bunch.
Guess the Baby Food follows in the footsteps of that sweet mess, and Lainey takes that less than delicious crown.
I’m not surprised. She often brags about the fact she buys a few extra jars of baby food for herself because Josie refuses to share.
Finally, Charlie and Naomi giggle themselves into a conniption as they get ready to present our final act of humility.
“Okay,” Charlie starts. “Which one of you ladies would like to take a potty break?”
Every one of our hands shoots to the ceiling.
“Good,” Naomi says with a controlled measure known only to drill sergeants. “Because while you’re in there, we’re going to have you pee on a stick.”
“What kind of stick?” Suze asks.
Lily scoffs. “A popsicle stick. What do you think? This is a baby shower. It’s a pregnancy test.”
Suze scoffs at the thought. “Oh, for Pete’s sake. I already know what mine will reveal. I haven’t slept with a man in decades.”
“And it shows,” I mutter to myself.
Suze cuts me a look. “Let’s get this over with.”
Charlie and Naomi indeed have us writing our names with permanent marker on our given sticks before we do the tinkling deed. And if tinkling on a stick is what it takes to get me out of this pitiful party, then I’ll tinkle on ten of them.
No sooner do I leave the restroom and hand my stick over to Charlie as I was instructed to do than Forest jogs into the room, making a beeline for Lainey.
“Sorry, I gotta run,” he pants. “A major structure fire just broke out in Leeds.”
“Where in Leeds?” I ask in haste.
There are a number of businesses I’ve grown familiar with in that dicey neck of the woods, and I happen to care about all of them.
He glances down at his phone. “1530 Gully Avenue.”
1530 Gulley Avenue?
“That’s the address to Rizzo’s,” my voice spikes as I say it.
