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Walking into the rink, I waved to the teenager manning the front desk, then made my way through the long hallway that led to a huge room which overlooked both sheets of ice. Figure skaters, specifically ice dancers, were using the red rink– the bleachers and zamboni for that side were red. Peering down into the west side rink– the blue side– were a bunch of teen hockey guys all kneeling around Coach, who was drawing plays on the glass above the boards with a fat dry-erase marker. There’s no way that marker was showing up very well because the glass was so foggy– that always happened in rinks during the summer months. I chuckled to myself because Coachloveddrawing with those dumb markers; he used ‘em any chance he could get.
Campbell, TJ, and Ellie were also out there wearing Crewmen warm-up suits and whistles around their necks. The sight of them goofing off with each other struck me with a bit of bitterness. I was thankful for my job back at the Ice League working with Grey, but I had previously been set to work this camp with TJ and Ellie. Looked like they got Campbell to fill my spot… and Coach probably hated that. He was constantly annoyed with Campbell because he had a very hard time following his drills. Campbell messed up so often that we had a tally going in our locker room on the white board that read: “Number of practices since Chicken Noodle Soup got chewed out.” That number was changed to zero very often, and the whole locker room would crack up about it. TJ made a whole show about changing the number, and Griff usually had to warn him to tone it down a bit… We lived to roast each other, but Griff’s whole “dad mode” made him more sensitive these days. Damn, I missed the locker room vibe. I missed playing. I made a vow to myself right then to work my ass off as soon as I could. I’d rather eat my own shit than miss the first regular season game with my team.
Ellie caught sight of me up in the window and gave me a bright wave. I saluted her and started my trek down the side stairwell that led into the downstairs lobby.
They still had about fifteen minutes of practice left, so I plopped my ass on one of the rubber-covered metal picnic tables to give my foot a rest. It was feeling a bit sore from the sudden usage and no way did I want to take steps backwards.
Oof.Steps backwards.
Coach would be scared of that too… He’d probably want me to forget about returning to Northfield and stay in Detroit… I mean, thiswasthe man who threatened to tie me to a guest bed in his house to make sure I took care of myself… He was not going to be happy. Jittery energy was coursing through my body as I tried to go over what I was about to say to him. I consciously pushed my hand down on my left thigh to stop it from bouncing so much.
In one way, staying in Detroit would be an easy way out of my relationship situation. But leaving again without giving Claire an in-person goodbye would be confirming everything she thought about me back when I was seventeen. And that wasn’t an option. I needed to explain everything to her this time. I needed to try to make things as right as they could be between us…
I muttered a curse to myself. This was part of the problem. I was gearing up to talk to Coach, and now all I could think about was Claire.
Claire… passing out in my arms… being wheeled away on a stretcher… looking so small and hurt in that hospital bed.
Nope. I needed to stop this.
I rubbed my eyes in an effort to somehow wipe away the visions of her from this past week… but I couldn’t. I was losing sleep every nightbecauseI couldn't stop my brain from bombarding me with a shit load of what-if scenarios. I needed to somehow pull myself together, but I just didn’t know how.
My phone started ringing next to me, and Craig’s number appeared.
My heart practically stopped.
I quickly answered, “She okay?”
“Uh, yeah,” Craig responded, like it should’ve been obvious. I let out the breath I’d been holding. “That’s not really what I was calling about-”
“Okay, uh…” My throat felt like it was closing up. I pulled at the collar of my t-shirt. “I… I gotta go,” I choked out.
I dropped the phone by my feet and rubbed a hand over my forehead. I suddenly felt like the whole room was closing in on me, squishing me from all sides, not allowing me to breathe.
I saw skates walking toward me.
“Hey, ya alright, bud?”
I ignored TJ’s voice and kept my eyes on the rubber floor.
Ellie’s figure skates appeared next to his hockey ones. They must’ve left the practice a few minutes early. It sounded like they were arguing, but I couldn’t make out anything they were saying because I feared I was actually dying right there on the spot. My heart was beating way too fast and I had no clue how to stop it. I put a hand to my chest as I gasped for air. It suddenly felt like after almost twenty-five years of life, my lungs had forgotten how to work.
Suddenly TJ’s arms were around me…hugging me…?
I shoved him off me, a little harder than I meant to, and then he was on his butt on the floor looking back at me like I’d just betrayed him.
“I was giving you compression, buddy! Jeez!” he yelled out with wide eyes.
I dropped my head between my knees and heard Ellie reprimanding TJ with a harsh whisper.
The next thing I knew, she was kneeling in front of me, holding my cheeks, and forcing me to look at her.
“Focus on me,” she said firmly.
I searched her bright green eyes, lined in red from the cold rink, and the freckles dotting her cheeks and nose that were more prominent from the summer sun. Her long auburn hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun.
“You’re okay. Everything is okay,” she said in a soothing voice. “Nothing is wrong. You're okay.” She rubbed my back in a very motherly way and repeated the mantra about five times. I closed my eyes, trying to internalize her words. “Everyone you know is okay. Breeeathe, Duke.”
She moved my arms so my hands touched the back of my head, and she pushed my elbows wide. “This opens your lungs, breathe with me,” she ordered. “In through your nose, make your stomach big, out through your mouth.”
