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“I didn’t stop you, either.” She tips her chin up, glaring at me. “I’m not some helpless damsel in this, Max. I don’t feelobligatedto do anything. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted you to kiss me back. And now–” Her fingers trail down my chest, her eyes taking on a wicked gleam that I’ve never seen before. “You can tell me to stop if you want. I will, if that’s really what you want me to do. But I think you want me as much as I want you, Max. So either tell me no–or let’s stop fighting what we both want.”
I stare at her, unsure as to what she’s about to do. She leans forward, brushing her lips over mine again.
And then, as I watch her in shock, she goes down on her knees in front of me.
14
SASHA
OH GOD, WHAT AM I DOING?
I’m fairly certain this is the bravest thing I’ve ever done. I’m waiting for a ‘no’ from Max, for the rejection that I’m sure is coming, but he’s staring down at me as if he’s never seen me before, his eyes wide with shock as I sink down to my knees in front of him.
The kiss was everything I could have ever wanted and more, everything I’d ever dreamed about and things I hadn’t even thought to imagine. I’m flooded with desire, dizzy from the way he’d picked me up, setting me on the counter and kissing me despite his swollen lip, the taste of his mouth and the copper tang of blood still lingering as I kneel down on the tile floor.
I want more of him, and I know for that to happen, for us to go further, I’m going to have to be the one to instigate it. I’d stop in an instant if he told me no, and I’m expecting it–but he doesn’t say anything at all as I raise my hands to his belt, undoing it with trembling fingers as his hands curl into fists at his sides, as if he’s fighting with something inside himself.
I’ve never done this before, not of my own free will, and I’m worried that I’m clumsy. I want it to be good for him, and my heart is pounding as I slide his zipper down, wanting to see him.
I gasp in shock as his cock springs free, long and thick and hard–and bigger than I’d thought. From my vantage point especially, he lookshuge, and I feel a small flicker of nervousness at the idea of taking him in my mouth–or anywhere else.
Slowly, I reach out, wrapping my hand around him. He lets out a long, low groan, his eyes flickering shut. I let myself enjoy just the sensation of touching him for a moment–the feeling of straining, velvety flesh, how hard and solid he feels, throbbing hotly against my palm. I slide my hand upwards, stroking experimentally, and Max shudders as I do, his hips jerking forward.
For one brief moment, I have a flicker of a flashback, another man, burly and angry, with a smaller cock, forcing my hand onto him as he held me down on my knees. For that split second, the molten desire rippling through me is replaced by cold, sickening fear and a sense of revulsion, but I force it back, mentally pushing it away with both hands.I don’t want to think about this!I think desperately, trying to banish the memory. I don’t want to associate touching Max with any of the horrors of my past. I don’t want it ruined.
I want to get past these mental blocks, to feel normal, to get past my PTSD, and enjoy something as simple as touching the man I want to be with and exploring him. I don’t want Max to know I’m struggling with it, either, because I know he’d stop me instantly, whether or not he wanted to.
AndIdon’t want to stop.
I rub my thumb experimentally over the velvety tip of his cock, sliding it in the slick fluid dripping from him. Max lets out a hiss from between his teeth as his hips jerk again.I hope I’m not hurting him,I think fearfully, but I’m equally afraid to ask and break the spell.
I want to taste him. I slide my hand back down his length, stroking lightly as I lean forward, brushing my lips over the tip of his cock, my tongue flicking out to slide over it.
His reaction is instantaneous. Max grips the countertop, moaning as his head drops back, his hips shuddering forward as my tentative lick turns into swirling it around the tip, testing the textures of him, the salty taste as I rub it over the softer flesh beneath.
Max is moaning in earnest now, his body trembling as I push my lips over the tip, and there’s no question now if he’s enjoying himself. I feel a flush of heated desire and, with it, a dizzying sense of power that I’ve never felt before when touching a man. The first time, I was powerless, the act was used as a way to humiliate and break me, but now this is becauseIwant it. Max’s pleasure is quite literally in my hands, his body at my mercy as I slide my lips over him and take his cock in my mouth.
I wonder, briefly, as he groans above me, if this is his first time.I hope it is, I think to myself, looking up at him as I take another inch of his cock in my mouth and another, stroking him more firmly now as I start to lick and suck. I feel my teeth scrape against him a few times, struggling to fit him into my mouth without catching my teeth against the ridge of his tip as I try to move, but he doesn’t seem to notice. His jaw is tight, his hands white-knuckling the countertop, his face a mask of pleasure as I give him what I’m almost certain must be a clumsy first try at a blowjob, but he looks as if he’s experiencing the most incredible ecstasy of his life.
I swirl my tongue around him again, enjoying the salty taste of him, the way he throbs in my mouth. I hear him groan again, hips jerking, and he gasps suddenly.
“Oh god, Sasha–I’m going to–”
Desire washes over me, and I feel an answering throb between my thighs as I realize he’s about to come. I know that’s my warning to stop before he fills my mouth with it, but Iwantto taste him. I want to feel what it’s like, and I slide my mouth down his length again, letting the tip brush against the back of my throat as Max lets out a guttural sound of pleasure that seems to come from the very depths of his soul.
“Oh, Sasha–fuck–Sasha–”
The sound of him moaning my name as his hips shudder, his cock swelling in my mouth, sends a jolt of arousal through me like I’ve never felt before. I moan around him, stroking him faster as I suck,wantinghis cum, wanting to taste it–
“Sasha,fuck!”The first hot spurt coats my tongue, thick and salty. I swallow automatically, still licking at the underside of his cock as he comes in my mouth, spurt after spurt of thick cum, so much that some of it slides out of my lips when I can’t swallow fast enough. He looks down at me with an expression of stunned pleasure as I suck and swallow, as if he’s never seen me before. I keep going through every throb of his cock and jerk of his hips, until he finally shudders and pulls back.
“It’s so sensitive–fuck, Sasha, you have to stop–”
I pull back immediately, transfixed by the erotic sight of the man I’ve wanted for so long standing there trembling against the counter fromme, his half-hard cock still out and wet with my saliva, shaking with the aftereffects of pleasure because ofme.
What would it feel like if he did that tome?
Max reaches for me, gently helping me up off of the floor. He quickly tucks himself back into his pants, leaning against the counter as he pulls me against him, his fingers stroking my hair. “God, I’ve never felt anything like that,” he groans, his chin resting atop my head. I burrow into him, wanting to be closer, my cheek resting against the soft dark hair on his chest. He smells so good, warm and citrusy, and I want to stay here forever in the circle of his arms.
