AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Was that your first time?” I glance up at him curiously. “Getting a–having a girl…anyone…go down on you?” My stomach tightens as I wait for his answer, and I realize just how badly I want to be his first. Caterina and the others talk so much about how they enjoy having experienced husbands, how they introduced them to all kinds of wild, filthy things they would never have thought of otherwise. Still, I suddenly very badly want to be Max’s only. I want to be the first time he experienced that.
Max chuckles. “Yeah,” he says with a laugh. “It was, if you couldn’t tell.”
A flood of happiness washes over me, and I burrow closer to him. It feels so good just to be held like this, to be this close to him for the first time. I can’t help but hope that this means that something has changed–thathe’schanged his mind.
“I’m glad,” I say softly, turning in his arms so that I’m leaning against his chest, my breasts pressing against him through my thin shirt as I tilt my chin up. “I wondered if you had–before–”
Max shrugs, looking down at me with a wry smile. “I could have,” he admits. “Before I went off to seminary. I had chances. But I didn’t really see the point. I knew where my path was leading by the time I really started paying attention to girls–it was a tradition in my family for the youngest son to become a priest. My little brother skipped out on his duty before he was fifteen, ran off to Milan when I was sixteen, and so it fell to me to take it up. I figured, why let myself know what I was going to be missing?”
I look up at him curiously, startled by the new information. I hadn’t knownhowhe’d ended up becoming a priest, only that he used to be. “Were you upset about it? Like you were being denied something?”
Max hesitates, then shakes his head. “Honestly? No. There were plenty of pretty girls at my school, plenty of ones who would have been happy to hook up, too, but I didn’t feel that–drive. I thought maybe it was for the best that it had fallen to me, since it would have been a huge sacrifice for my brother–thus why he ran off. I didn’t mind giving up pleasure, wealth, or anything else that the Church demanded of us. I didn’t feel that I needed it after I left, either, until–”
He hesitates, but I think I know what he was going to say–that he didn’t feel it until he met me–and another wave of happiness washes over me as I lean into him. “You’re the only one I want, too,” I say softly, reaching up to touch his cheek as I go up on my tiptoes to kiss him.
To my shock, he pulls away. “Sasha, no,” he says gently, pulling away from me, and I bite my lip.
“I’m sorry,” I remember that he just came in my mouth, and I feel myself flushing pink. “I didn’t think about you not wanting to, after you–”
“It’s not that,” Max says gently. “I don’t care about that. We can’t do this, Sasha.”
The words hit me like a blow, and it takes me a second to respond, feeling as if I can’t catch my breath. I’d braced myself for rejection before, but I hadn’t expected it now, not after–
“Max, I–”
“I took vows, Sasha.” He looks at me sorrowfully, his face taut with a pained expression that hurts me to see. “I might have done things that meant I can’t wear a priest’s collar and act in an official capacity any longer, but when I took those vows, I meant them. I can’t keep breaking them. The things I’ve done–”
He lets out a long, shuddering breath, stepping firmly away from me as he starts to button his shirt. “There’s blood on my hands, Sasha. I vowed not to do violence, not to take life, not to spill blood, or participate in violence. I’ve broken all of that–for my brother, for you, for Caterina and Sofia and Ana. I don’t regret it. But all I can do now is try to keep to what I have left. I crossed a line today, and I–we can’t do it again. No matter how much I want to.” His eyes search out mine, begging me to understand. “This is how I repent for what I’ve done, Sasha. By denying myself the pleasure that could come with what I was forced to walk away from. Please–I need you to understand.”
I feel as if I’m going to burst into tears. My lips tremble, and I press them together hard, trying to force myself not to cry. I feel embarrassed and hurt, and all I can do is force a stiff nod before I turn on my heel, rushing out of the bathroom and out of Max’s house before I can humiliate myself further.
I think I hear him call my name after me, but I don’t stop. I can’t. I keep running all the way to the main house, all the way up to my room and fling myself onto the bed as I bury my face in a pillow.
Only then, when I’m sure no one can hear, do I let myself start to sob.
15
MAX
YOU SELFISH PIECE OF SHIT.
What the fuck were you thinking?
I berate myself, over and over again as I rip my shirt off once I hear Sasha slam the door behind her, my heart hammering in my chest. I can still feel the aftershocks of the pleasure she gave me, a pleasure I’d never thought I’d experience, and it turns out I was right all along to deny myself.
I’ll never be the same now that I know what it feels like to have her lips around me, her tongue stroking my cock, to fill her mouth with my cum. My cock throbs, hardening again just at the thought, and I let out a snarl of frustration as I jerk my belt out of the loops, folding it in my hand.
Filthy, weak liar.
Iamweak. I gave in to my need, my lust, instead of picking her up off of the floor the moment she went to her knees and telling her no. I should never have let her touch me like that, and I have no excuse. I knew what she was doing the moment she kneeled down, and I could have stopped her. Ishouldhave stopped her.
But I didn’t. I wanted it too badly.
She’d looked so beautiful, kneeling there on the tile, her sweet, wide green eyes looking up at me with such heated desire. Desire forme, for my cock in her mouth. I’d never experienced that before, and it had been too much for my wavering self-restraint, tested over and over again to the point of breaking.
Once she’d touched me, I’d been too far gone.
I’m hard again, aching, and all I can think about is how easy it would be to slide my cock out again, wrap my hand around it, and stroke myself to another fast, hard climax with the memory of her hot, wet mouth still fresh in my mind, the way it felt to have her suck me as I’d come harder than I ever had in my life.
