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“If I’m not here, she won’t have to avoid me. If I’m not here, I won’t be reminded of everything all the time. Please, if you’ll allow it…”
“I don’t want to see you go,” Ren said. “You’re a good general, and the troops flourish because of you.”
“Lars and Freeman can do a good job. The warriors all know who they are and where they stand. They’ll be okay.”
“You’re like a brother, Dex,” Ren said. “Losing you will be a travesty.”
“You won’t lose me, just see me less, like we do with Vanya and Hazel.”
Ren nodded. “It’s not the same, but if it’s what you want, then I’ll allow it. Let me know where you want to go, and I’ll make sure it happens.”
I bowed slightly. “Thank you.”
“And if you change your mind, that’s okay, too,” Ren added.
“I won’t,” I said and left his office to study my maps and decide where I wanted to go.
Getting out of here was going to hurt. I would feel incomplete, like a part of me was missing all the time, like I wandered without a place I could call home. I just couldn’t stay here. It was even worse knowing that Nylah was around here somewhere, but she didn’t want to see me.
That kind of pain trumped any pain I would feel leaving my home behind.
It was time to go, no matter how difficult it would be.
I couldn’t stay.
13
NYLAH
“What is this?” Ellie asked me when we sat together at the dining table. She pointed at a green pile of vegetables on her plate, her expression suspicious. I glanced at Ren, who looked amused.
“That’s called orbin. It’s a seasonal delicacy. This year hasn’t been so cold yet that we’ve had it in abundance. Try it, it’s a real treat.” I smiled at Ellie.
“It hasn’t been cold enough?” she asked.
Snow had been falling in a flurry for days on end. The ground was frozen enough that all construction in the villages had to cease—Ren had been worried about what it meant for progress. He wanted the people to keep going, to feel like the world wasn’t about to be shaken to its core but what pended between him and Lucia’s family.
“It’s colder up here,” Ren said from across the table. “The weather in the villages isn’t as harsh as it can be closer to the mountains. But it has to be even colder for orbin to grow. The seeds need very low temperatures to germinate.”
Ellie shivered, and I suppressed a giggle. She always looked like a fish out of water here at the palace. Life here was very different from the life she’d lived before, and I understood it was a big change. It was sweet to see how she navigated the changes with equal parts determination and suspicion.
Ellie scooped up some of the thick, green vegetables, and tentatively took a bite.
“Oh my,” she groaned when it was in her mouth. “It’s like…ice cream.”
I giggled.
“Try telling the kids that,” Dex grumbled. “My nephews won’t eat anything that resembles healthy food, not even orbin.”
“Maybe they just need the right motivation,” I said to Dex.
“I’ll show them motivation,” Dex grumbled. He ate with vigor, as if everything was a battle. With the wars pending, I understood he was on edge all the time. I wished he would relax, just breathe for a moment. We weren’t at war yet.
“You can win wars with your fists, Dex, but children need a loving touch. Do you know what that is? A loving touch?” I teased him, trying not to burst out laughing at the look on his face.
Dex muttered something under his breath.
“Speak up, Dex, no one can hear you when you mutter to yourself,” I scolded lightheartedly.
