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I knew exactly what he was about to say, and I didn’t want to hear it. “I know. Just…don’t.”
“Have it your way. I won’t bring up your shitty mood. At least tell me what you’re mumbling about over there. It’s distracting me from kicking your ass,” he said, looking back towards the game.
“It really wasn’t important. Just something I heard once. Just popped into my head, I don’t know.” I answered vaguely, not up to explaining that sitting in my living room playing video games all day suddenly felt…wrong.
But it shouldn’t have. It was something we had done nearly every single Sunday that we weren’t working for the last few years. Sometimes some the other guys came over, sometimes it was just the two of us. Hell, Eric had used to join us on occasion. It had been a significant part of my life, like being a pilot, or growing up in southern California. A routine I never expected to give up on.
Until I had gotten married, anyway.
First, we missed out on game day because of Vegas, and then I’d made up excuses to get out of it for the subsequent weekends, preferring to spend time with Jillian. Obviously.
A month had passed, but it felt like an eternity. My entire life had changed in that time. In multiple ways. Another of our close friends had gotten married, further splintering our core group. I wasn’t speaking to my brother. I had a contentious relationship with my parents. I was legally married to a woman I was madly in love with, but who also wasn’t speaking to me.
Given all of that…playing videos games seemed unimportant. It was as if I was right back where I’d started, and none of it had ever happened. I hated it. I hated that I hated it.
But I couldn’t tell Zack that, or I’d risk hurting his feelings. And I was running out of people who liked me. So, I tried to concentrate.
Yet, ten minutes later when I had died for about the sixth time, in the dumbest way possible, Zack slammed his controller down on the coffee table. “Enough of this. Get dressed. We’re hitting Iron Mountain.”
“Wait, what?” I asked. I had been lost in my thoughts and had clearly missed something.
“Dude. You suck today. Gia could kick your ass,” he said of his much younger sister. “Let’s do something that requires fewer brain cells. I haven’t been out there all year, and it’s not too hot today. Let’s go.”
He smacked my shoulder to get me moving.
“Uhh. I guess.” I stood slowly, attempting to process. Hiking was as good as anything else at the moment. “Oh…how is Gia? I haven’t seen her in a while.”
“She’s good. I actually got her into this cool book club thing. She loves it.”
“Book club? How’d that happen? Can you even read? Do you know where the library is?” I teased him, cracking a smile for the first time all day.
“I definitely read that one book about that huge dog that one time,” he deadpanned. “Actually, it’s a bookstore, not the library. By the Book.” He shrugged, standing and pocketing his phone and keys.
“Wait…isn’t that Fiona’s place?” I heard Jillian mention it enough.
Zack froze. “Yeah. Fiona mentioned it that night we were all at the club. I thought Gia might like it. It was worth a try. She did like it, so it all worked out. No big deal.”
I cocked my head, trying to figure out his tone. Zack seemed off. Defensive. Weird. He sometimes got that way about sister. She was all the family he had left, and he was uber protective of her. Just not usually with me.
I didn’t have the brain space to deal with it currently. “Cool. I’ll be back in a minute.”
* * *
Less than an hour later,we were working our way up the trail, both pretending not to be out of breath. My friend had been right, it was a good idea. The view, the exertion, the fresh air, they all made me feel like myself again. Better than I’d felt since the day Jillian had denied our entire relationship to my face.
And then Zack went and ruined it. “I’m guessing she hasn’t called or messaged yet.”
“No.”
“Are you texting her?”
“Not really.” Which was a huge lie. I’d toned it down to a reasonable once or twice a day. But, like an addict, I hadn’t been able to quit cold turkey.
“Is that it then? You guys are done for good?” Zack pressed.
I had an urge to shove him down the mountain, but I restrained myself. It wasn’t actually his fault. It was mine. And Eric’s.
“Maybe. Probably. I don’t know. It’s complicated.”Understatement of the year.
