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“Yo, D, need another one?” Zack yelled, holding up a can of beer.
“No, I’m good.” I dropped my head onto the cushioned bench and pulled my hat as low as it would go.
The bright desert sun was killing my eyes. The persistent rocking of the boat was not helping either. In an effort not to be a buzzkill for Alex I had taken a beer when we had climbed aboard, but I had been nursing it for over an hour. The other guys were cannonballing into the lake, arguing loudly about baseball, and plowing through the contents of the cooler like there was no tomorrow.
All while I did my best impression of a dead body.
I might not have had as much to drink as Jillian had last night, or at least it hadn’t hit me as hard, but I was pushing thirty and the recovery wasn’t as smooth anymore. But we were supposed to take the jet ski’s out soon, and I had been looking forward to that for months, so I was attempting to rest while I could.
Unfortunately, rather than productively napping, my brain had decided to stay wide awake and replay every single second that it could recall from last night. And this morning. I was stuck watching an endless loop of Jillian and I laughing and drinking at the bar, Jillian and I making out in the hotel elevator, Jillian and I exchanging rings while giggling like idiots in front of an impassive Elvis impersonator.
Most of the memories, however, were focused on the hours afterwards. They were still blurry and brief, but quite excellent. Even while probably not at our best, the sex had been off the charts. Once the wedding was over, we had immediately run up to my room and had started ripping each other’s clothing off. We were on the same page throughout.
We spent hours essentially worshipping each other over and over until we succumbed to the alcohol and fatigue. It was like we couldn’t get enough of each other. I had never felt that kind of burning need for anyone before. Ever. And I knew without a doubt that one night with Jillian would not be enough. Not even close. And if the one night was all we did get, the memories just might kill me.
I had to find a way to convince her to hold off on ending this thing before it even began.
“What’s up with you?” Alex sat on the other bench, gently kicking my leg. “You’re usually the first one in the water.”
I rolled my head over to squint at him. “Yeah, sorry. I had a long night.”
“Oh yeah? We lost track of you, at that third bar, I think. Where did you end up?” He asked. Casually.
There was no judgment in his tone, yet the guilt crept in anyway. I hadn’t intended on bailing on them like that, but when I had unexpectedly seen Jillian across the room all bets were off. I had always been drawn to her, since day one, and having heard about the big fight from my brother, I knew I had to talk to her. The odds of us running into each other in the huge city were so tiny, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.
“I ran into…a friend. A girl I know. Things sort of got out of control.”
I was purposely vague, unsure how much Jillian would want me to say. Eric hung out with the guys on occasion, so they knew of her, if not about my inappropriate crush. I doubted any of them would tell my brother anything, but I decided to err on the side of caution.
Alex grinned. “Nice. About time. I’ll even ignore the fact that you broke the bro code at my bachelor party. Was this a one-time thing, or are you going to see her again?”
“Uhh. Undetermined. It’s…complicated.” I nearly snorted at the understatement.
“What’s complicated?” Zack’s voice chimed in.
While Alex filled him in on the reason for my disappearing act last night, I pushed myself into a semi-seated position, making room for him on the bench.
“Interesting,” Zack said.
I rolled my eyes. I knew exactly what that response meant. Zack and I were the last two single holdouts in our group, just for very different reasons. Zack consistently had female companionship, although never girlfriends. Like my brother, he was an irrepressible flirt and self-proclaimed ladies’ man. I, however, was not. I did okay when I wanted to, but I tended to be… pickier. The fact that I, rather than him, had taken a female back to my room was downright shocking. The fact that I had slept with my brother’s girlfriend was a level of scandal few of us had achieved. Not that he knew about that detail.
“Anyway, the good ones are always complicated,” Alex said, happily. “Who knows, maybe you’ll be next.”
I groaned inwardly. If only he knew how ironic that prediction truly was.
“No way. Dean will never settle down either,” Zack insisted. He said it with a light-hearted laugh, but I noticed that he was wearing a serious, speculative expression.
I had never said a word to anyone about the feelings I had been harboring for my brother’s girlfriend, but if anyone suspected, it would be him. On top of the fact that I was quite vocal about how terribly Eric had treated Jillian, I had also been in a not at all coincidental dry spell for the last year. And Zack was smart, way smarter than people gave him credit for. I’d have to be careful with my words around him. I would guarantee that he was already wondering who had managed to break through my defenses. And how. His declaration felt like a challenge.
“Laugh now,” Alex chimed in. “It will happen to you morons, too. Both of you. Eventually. And I’ll be here for you both. Supporting you and mocking you.”
Zack took his attention off of me and started in on a well-worn tirade about how much he enjoyed his single life, and I took the opportunity to zone out and think about Jillian. Again. Namely, what was going to happen in the coming days. I had asked her to hold off on rushing to the courthouse in a desperate attempt to keep her from disappearing from my life.
I wasn’t an idiot though; our situation was far from easy. Even if I talked her into postponing the annulment for a few days—maybe a week or two—then what?
The reality was, we barely knew each other. What I knew, I liked, but a handful of holiday gatherings and a drunken one-night stand weren’t enough to justify a marriage. I had no idea what my end goal was. Staying married long enough to convince her to go on a date with me? Dragging it out until we knew whether or not there was anything real between us? And even then, if we did end up dating, what the hell would we tell everyone about how it had happened? If things got serious between me and Jillian, would Eric ever accept it? I had issues with the little cheating creep, but he was my brother. I couldn’t just write him off.
I hadn’t been kidding before, it was complicated. And the more I thought about it, the more complicated it got.
