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This morning, the idea of staying married had felt adventurous. A sappier guy, like Alex, might call it romantic. In the harsh light of day, I was starting to think it had just been ridiculous. Wishful thinking.
“Alright, I get it. Enough,” Alex barked, tossing an empty can at Zack. “Let’s hit the water.”
I climbed to my feet, bracing for the nausea I had been dealing with for hours. Thankfully, I felt fine. It was time to enjoy the bachelor weekend activities once more.Hallelujah.
Zack bumped my shoulder and took off running like a kid. He could be a dumbass at times, but he was on to something. Without being tied down we had opportunities that most people didn’t. We met up at least once a month for risky, often death-defying activities all over the country. Skydiving, rock-climbing, racing dirt bikes in the valley.
Being with Jillian had been a dream come true, but I couldn’t imagine giving any of that up yet. Especially not if she was on the fence about us.
Following the other guys to the rest of the waiting jet skis, I made a second snap decision. When Jillian and I talked tonight, if she told me that she wanted to do the annulment right now, I’d go along with it.
CHAPTER5
Jillian
Iawoke for the second time to Paige’s commanding voice a mere two feet from my ear.
“Jillian, get your cute butt up. It’s time to get ready.”
Without even knowing what time it was, I was sure that my afternoon nap hadn’t been nearly long enough. My eyes felt gritty and heavy. Not to mention, the dream I had been in the middle of was still holding on tight. Luring me back in. I mumbled something incoherent and rolled over, pulling the covers over my head like a child.
“Hey…stop that. Get up!” Paige called, tossing an unidentified object onto the bed, presumably in an effort to spur me into action.
It didn’t work. I was already slipping back into the undefined dark room buried in my mind.
To my great annoyance, when I didn’t respond accordingly, someone decided to tug on the end of the blanket, tossing it entirely onto the floor. Growling, I gave in. I forced myself upright and struggled to rejoin the land of the living. I was all kinds of disoriented. I barely knew what planet I was on anymore. Which, if nothing else, was effective at helping me forget about the reason for this trip. Paige might secretly be a genius.
“What’s your deal? You still look awful,” Fiona helpfully told me.
“Thanks for that. And it’s nothing. I was having an intense dream, that’s all. I can’t shake it, I guess.”
“What was it about?” Paige asked absently.
She was one of those people who sincerely believed that all dreams had some hidden deeper meaning. I couldn’t remember any of the specifics, but even if I could it wouldn’t matter. I could tell her anything and she would probably find a way to connect it back to my breakup with Eric. Or to…
And just like that, the dream snapped into sharp focus. I shot straight up. “Oh!”
Paige’s wide eyes met mine in the mirror. “That sounds promising.”
I couldn’t respond. The images were hitting me so hard it felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. And some were so explicit that my face burst into flames. Either my imagination was way better than I had realized, or the dream wasn’t just a dream.
I was seeing parts of Dean that I hadn’t actually seen in real life. Not while sober anyway. And that was just the tip of the erotic iceberg. Dream Dean and Jillian were doing things I had never done with anyone, and it looked…hot. Seeing it all felt vaguely voyeuristic, like I was watching someone’s sex tape. Except, it was my sex tape. Possibly. Or maybe not. Probably not. It couldn’t really have been like that between us.
Sadly, I had no way to know for sure.
“Care to share?” Paige asked, still watching me carefully.
“Nope. Just…nope.” I hopped to my feet and hefted my bag onto the bed. “I’m getting ready now. That’s what you wanted, right? Look at me go.”
“Oh, come on. I saw that look; I know what you were dreaming about you little—”
“It was nothing.” Ignoring their protests, I practically sprinted into the bathroom, leaning my back against the closed door, breathing heavily.
I moved slowly, taking way longer than necessary to get dressed and made up. I needed the time alone. This morning I had thought that I would have given anything to remember the night I had shared with Dean. Now I wasn’t so sure. If any of that was real, or close to it…
It wasn’t just the sex. That had apparently been fantastic, yes, but in the dream, I hadfeltthings too. I could perfectly remember how I had felt about Dean in that moment. It wasn’t just physical. There had been some intense emotions. The alcohol and high from the spontaneous wedding were certainly responsible for some of that, but I didn’t think it was all of it. My little crush had apparently come out to play. And ‘last night Jillian’ had gone all in.
If it wasn’t all so embarrassing, I would have been proud of myself for going for it so impressively. It wasn’t like me. At least not recently. Eric had never inspired that kind of uninhibited passion, I realized. We had great chemistry, and he knew what he was doing in bed. I had never once felt deprived.
