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“Starving yourself solves nothing,” her mother said with exasperation, pressing a delicate cup of Annfwn coffee into Stella’s hands. “If you can’t eat, drink. Set a good example.” She waved a hand at Stella’s siblings, who observed the unusual drama with avid interest, even the toddler. At least her infant brother was with his nurse and Stella was spared his scrutiny.
Otherwise, seven pairs of eyes, running the spectrum from Ami’s twilight blue to Ash’s bright green, returned her gaze, every head in shades of rose and gold. Stella stood out like the dark and brooding outsider she was. She didn’t belong here, but where did she belong? Being with Jak was the only time in her life she hadn’t felt so utterly alone, and she’d carelessly destroyed that.
Ash met Stella’s stricken gaze across the table. “A warm drink will help,” he promised quietly, toasting her with his own cup. “And Jak is a grown man who knows what he’s doing. He can survive a bit of snow.”
“He left me,” Stella said plaintively, unable to think past that and fighting the tears she’d promised herself she was done shedding. “There will be no wedding now.” Shame crawled over her in equal measures with the stunned pain of betrayal. Jak had always promised he wouldn’t leave her, that he’d always be by her side. She hadn’t realized how much she’d counted on that, how much she’d depended on his steadfast devotion to her to see them through her repeated attempts to push him away.
“Oh, Nilly, sweetheart,” Ami said gently, her lovely face earnest as she stroked Stella’s hair. “Please don’t cry. I know it doesn’t seem like it at the moment, but it’s better to have him leave you now. Really, I’m not upset about calling off the wedding. It’s far better for you to realize his fickle nature before you—”
“Ami,” Ash interrupted sternly.
“What? That boy jilted our Nilly, practically at the altar, and you object to me calling him what he is? Nobody treats my daughter with such cavalier disdain.” Ami might have her faults, but she was a dragon in human form when it came to defending her children. Her unconditional siding with Stella made her feel oddly better, even as she felt guilty for Jak being assigned the blame.
“It was my fault,” Stella said, cradling the warm cup between her palms without drinking. “I called off the wedding last night. Jak only left because I told him to.”
Ami fell uncharacteristically silent. Ash gazed at her steadily from across the table, sympathy in his craggy face. “Second thoughts?” he asked her.
Stella glanced at her siblings, wishing she didn’t have such an audience. They were all studiously holding their tongues, hoping to evade the attention that would get them evicted from witnessing the drama. It had worked until now, but no longer. “All of you,” Ami declared, snapping her fingers, “begone. I know you have useful occupations.”
They let out a collective groan, but obediently rose and filed out of the room, planting kisses on their parents—including a saliently sloppy one from the toddler—and receiving hugs and kisses in return. Rather than kisses, they gave Stella supportive smiles and waves, all knowing better than to inflict physical contact on her. She appreciated the consideration, though the careful space they gave her made her feel even more isolated. Then the toddler, little Prema, broke away and raced back to Stella, launching herself into Stella’s lap and plastering sticky berry jam-kisses all over her face. “Don’t cry anymore, Nilly!” Prema commanded, her apple-green eyes stern, sounding at not-yet-three exactly like their mother.
That brought on a fresh spate of tears and Stella hugged Prema, absorbing her bright and youthful emotions, shiny as new toys, utterly lacking the taint that older people accumulated on their hearts and minds, like a growing fungus of bitter resentments and old hurts.
“Prema,” Ami reprimanded gently, rising to extract the child from her fierce grip on her eldest sister. “You know you must be careful with Nilly. She’s fragile and it hurts her to be touched.”
“Even kisses?” Prema asked plaintively.
“Even kisses,” Ami answered before Stella could, planting lavish kisses of her own on Prema so she giggled. “But I’ll takeallyour kisses, anytime.”
Still giggling, Prema ran out of the room, pausing in the doorway to wave at Stella before dashing away.
“You’re a good mother,” Stella said, hearing the note of surprise in her own voice and wishing she could take it back.
Ami slid her a look, apparently unoffended, however. “Of course I am,” she replied, settling into her chair again and laying her napkin neatly over her lap. “Glorianna is love in all its forms, and I am still her avatar. Remember that, Nilly dear. Moranu may have laid Her hand upon you—I couldn’t do anything to prevent that—but you’re also mine. That means you’re born of love as much as of the shifting shadows of the goddess of night.”
For no good reason, Stella began weeping again, and her mother took her hand, nothing but that goddess-given love and concern flowing from her. “Ash, love, would you…?”
“Of course.” He rose, giving Stella a wink and taking his mug with him. The lingering servants discreetly exited also, leaving Stella alone with her sweet dragon of a mother.
“All right,” Ami said, patting Stella’s hand once more and giving her a sternly maternal glare. “Wipe your tears and drink your coffee. I put extra sugar in it, which you need. You’re pale as a ghost and more wretched.”
Obediently, Stella drank down the now lukewarm coffee, her clenched stomach relaxing at the flow of sweet warmth. Once Stella drained it, Ami refilled the cup from a silver pitcher and added several liberal spoonful’s of sugar. Stella let out a watery laugh. “It’s not every day I’m waited on by the Queen of Avonlidgh and Avatar of Glorianna.”
Ami lifted her pert nose. “Nor should it be. I hope you appreciate the great honor done to you.” Her eyes danced with mischief and she filled her own mug, then sat back in her chair.“Now, tell me why you called off the wedding and told Jak to leave.”
“I don’t even know,” Stella confessed. “We had a huge fight—and we never argue, not like that—and I lost my temper.”
“It’s good for you to lose your temper,” Ami replied, smiling at Stella’s surprise. “You hold everything very closely inside, Nilly darling. I understand why, but I’ve never thought it was good for you. You, of all people, should understand that it’s unhealthy to repress emotions.”
Stella did understand that, though it was disconcerting to discover her volcanically passionate mother did, too, and said so.
Ami smiled sadly. “You know, I never knew my mother. Andi was more mother to me than anyone, and she was only five when I was born. And Essla was ten, and always relentlessly focused on becoming the warrior and heir our father wanted. Anyway, I always thought the fact that you and I weren’t close was because I didn’t know how to be a mother to you. Willy was always so easy, but you…”
Stella winced. “I know. I’m difficult.”
“It’s not that,” Ami replied, “though every one of your sisters has been considerably easier.” She laughed at whatever she saw in Stella’s face. “You’ll find out for yourself someday. Some of your children are easier than others. Willy, Glorianna bless him, was a blissfully easy child. I might not have survived having twins if he hadn’t been.”
“Sorry to have been such the bane of your existence,” Stella muttered darkly.
