AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Oh, that.” Ami waved that off. “It’s good for a young man to be crossed in love now and then. A man like Jak craves challenge, the obstacle to be overcome, the task to complete towin his bride. Besides, he loves you with irrational passion. He’ll be back.”
There is nothing I wouldn’t endure for your sake,Jak had said—and she’d complained that she didn’t want their wedding to be something for him to endure. “I don’t think so.”
Ami smiled knowingly. “Avatar of the goddess of love sitting here. If I know nothing else, I know that.”
~ 5 ~
Jak did notcome back. Not that day, and not the next. Nor the endless winter days after that.
He was alive, Stella could determine that much, as he hadn’t disappeared from the future—yet—but beyond that she couldn’t be certain. The futures remained stubbornly misty, her mental and emotional state too muddied for the concentration necessary to sort through them. Countless times, she considered trying to reach him with mind-speak, then discarded the impulse, unwilling to humiliate herself. The fact of the matter was, Jak was alive and well, which meant he chose not to return. She had too much pride to grovel, to beg him to love her and want her again.
Despite the notable lack of a bridegroom, however, the wedding planning proceeded apace. Stella badly lost that argument with her mother, having been unable to answer the question of what else she had to spend her time on. That singular heart-to-heart conversation over coffee hadn’t changed Queen Amelia’s dogged determination to host the wedding of the century. Also, the unending storm and deepening snow had cut off communications with the outside world, so Stella couldn’t even continue her work with Lena on the world-mapping.
That lack of communication allowed Ami to avoid replying to the high queen’s most-recent missive, also. When Stella suggested that the wedding should indeed be officially cancelled, as in informing everyone else, her mother replied that the Dasnarians were already planning travel—if not on their way atthat very moment—so they might as well plan to celebrate the Feast of Moranu at Windroven, without or without a wedding ceremony.
She also said that Ursula was not the boss of her, no matter what her big sister thought. Stella made the mistake of pointing out that the high queen was indeed the boss of her, to which Ami replied that, by that argument,shewas the boss of Stella, and set her to the impossible task of figuring out where to house everyone. Needless to say, that task was not something Stella had any training or experience to execute, which made it an effective punishment, especially as Stella knew full well that her expert and experienced mother and longtime chamberlain would simply redo the work.
Besides these redundant tasks, Stella had nothing to do but fret over Jak, endlessly replay that last fight in her mind, and go through the motions of planning a wedding that would never happen. Ami’s insistence that Jak would return didn’t waver, and Stella could only wish she, herself, could be so certain.
And it infuriated and depressed her by turns that she couldn’t see what her future would be. Though she’d grown in her sorcery in some ways on their adventures, that had primarily been in applications like self-defense and battle magic—thanks to Jak—and she still struggled to map the future with any accuracy, or without giving herself a blazing headache. Especially when it applied to her so very personally. She didn’t know how Andi had done it. Among the many people Stella wished she could talk to who werenotcurrently trapped inside Castle Windroven, her aunt Andi topped the list.
Andromeda was the one person who could tell Stella what the future held. Wanting that kinship with her powerful mentor—and second mother, she now realized, after her own mother’s revelations—Stella began visiting the ramparts of the castle. Some warm winter clothing had been found for her, so shebundled up and ascended to the crenelated walls of Windroven. There, she tramped through the snow on the up and down path between the various guard posts and lookout points, leaning on parapets to gaze out at the landscape for hours on end. The views truly were spectacular, once the whiteout blizzard had cleared, giving onto the expanse of turbulent gray-green ocean on the one side and snow-covered land in mirroring stillness on the other.
The guards all knew Stella, of course, and greeted her rambles with tolerance. Some of the older soldiers had been in the garrison decades before during the siege and commented good-naturedly on how Stella reminded them of her aunt, and how Andi had been even younger than Stella then, but they were the same with their black hair flying in the wind and eyes like summer thunderstorms.
Stella didn’t reply that at least Andi’s beloved had been encamped outside the walls, determined to get to her, as opposed to having fled and likely having a rousing good time in a tavern somewhere. Perhaps with willing companionship. She couldn’t bear to picture that.
“Do youhaveto pace the ramparts?” Ami complained. “You don’t need to reenact every dramatic moment of the Siege of Windroven, you know. We’re planning a wedding, not a war. You needn’t stand up there like some bereft romantic heroine gazing out to sea.”
Ash snorted. “One of the great delights of raising children is hearing your spouse spout hypocrisy to your progeny. I never thought I’d hear the day you accused someone else, let alone our own daughter, of being overly dramatic.”
“I’m pretending I didn’t hear that,” Ami replied haughtily.
“You know,” Stella said tightly, not at all happy with being poked at for supposedly dramatizing her very real pain, “you two are not exactly making a solid case for happy marriage.”
The sudden silence had Stella looking up from the lists she’d been unwillingly reviewing. Both Ash and Ami regarded her with astonishment. Then they exchanged a long glance, and both burst out laughing.
“Care to let me in on the joke?” Stella finally asked, very aware of the vast amusement rolling off of both her parents, but unable to sort exactly what they found so funny.
“I’ll take this one, love,” Ash said, wiping his hand over his scarred face, apparently to smooth away the hilarity Stella had elicited. Newly serious, he gazed at Stella with affection—and a compassion that shamed her. “Your mother and I have always had a… shall we say, contentious relationship.”
“Glorianna knows that’s the truth,” Ami averred, and Ash flashed her a grin that, along with the surge of accompanying desire from him, gave Stella additional reason to squirm.
“Passion comes in many forms, young Nilly,” Ash continued patiently. “We’ve always done our best to shield you from the edgier aspects of what Ami and I share, because you didn’t need to be subjected to that, but rest assured that our marriageisa happy one.”
“If not the shiny, fairytale version of one,” Ami added. “I had that, the first time. The handsome and charming prince, the happy ever after, and I can promise that the surface polish of tales like that don’t reflect the reality either.”
“Didn’t you love my father?” Stella asked with some surprise.
Ami regarded her thoughtfully. “You know, Willy asked me about that, too. Just before you all left Ordnung on your adventure. Of course, even then I knew what he was actually asking, which had to with Zeph, and Willy trying to talk himself out of being in love with her. To answer the questionyouare asking, Nilly, yes, I did love Hugh, to the extent that a silly, spoilt, and legitimately frivolous sixteen-year-old girl could. Butthe feelings I had for Hugh then are nothing compared to what I feel for Ash. They can’t be compared to decades of marriage.”
She held out a hand to Ash, bridging the space between their armchairs, and he took it, interlacing his fingers with hers and giving her a smile of such warmth that it transformed his scarred face. Stella realized then how often during her growing up that she’d witnessed similar quiet moments of deep regard between them, demonstrations of love so profound it made barely a ripple on the surface.
“Marriage isn’t about the pretty image that makes for shiny tales,” Ami continued, gazing at Ash as if he were the most handsome man in the world. “It’s about a connection with another person, a partnership with someone who sees the best and worst in you and loves both aspects equally well. The fact that Ash has always called me on my flaws and loves me anyway has been foundational to becoming the person I am today, a person I can be proud of. A person I never was with Hugh, who showered me only with admiration and praise.”
Ami turned her gaze on Stella, her attitude both loving and keenly assessing. “You don’t like that I criticize you, I know, but honestly, I think it’s good for you that Jak left. Hear me out,” her mother continued coolly, plowing on in the face of Stella’s defensiveness. “You said that you two never argue like that, which isn’t healthy. Jak is very careful of you, but I can’t help but wonder how much that limits his ability to tell you whenheis upset. Is he allowed to be angry with you? To express unhappiness or dissatisfaction? Because if he’s always in the position of tiptoeing around your sensitivity to strong emotion, then that is no recipe for a healthy marriage.”
For the umpteenth time in the last few days, Stella found herself perilously close to tears. “Thank you for your honesty,” she got out, setting aside the lists, and standing. “I think I need some time alone.”
