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I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you, and it scares me to know, deep down, you might wake up years from now and forget my name. In blurry images, I will just be a woman who stood in front of the fire at midnight in a dark parking lot in Memphis, Tennessee.
It dawns on me; I won’t ever be able to escape your memory. A shadow lingering in my blind spot, but you’ve gone again every time I look over my shoulder.
You vanish because you know how easy it is to disappear.
I remove my fingers from your warm scalp and wait for the heat to leave them. You ask in a sleepy voice, “is everything is okay?”, and I want to tell you I am fine. But I witness my hands shake, and I know we are on limited time, not because we are dying. But all because our foolish intentions drive us away from getting what we want.
I numb that part of me that needs you.
I cry, knowing full well you can’t hear it.
I can’t tell you I miss you because it will mean something; I can’t have it symbolize any longer. I changed one of my favorite colors because I desperately want nothing attached to yours.
The first night without you, I imagine getting a machine gun and letting it shred your side of the bed to pieces.
At least then there would be a good reason why it is empty.
Sadness slowly eats away at my heart; the teeth aren’t sharp enough to scar. They only tickle.
Incredibly, our ending has me remembering our beginning. Not the very beginning; I can’t force myself to relive or regret that night. But just after a month of meeting, I reminisce about new love.
I remember asking for our first kiss minutes after our first official date had started.
“When are you going to kiss me?”I tease you with my flirty flare.
“I don’t kiss on the first date?”But I wanted you to break your rules for me.
“Because it’s bad luck?”I could be a good luck charm when I tried to be.
“Because I am a gentleman.”I did not land myself a gentleman, not since I picked him up in a sketchy parking lot in blues country.
“I highly doubt that about you.”
“I’m not going to kiss you.”You vow it, swear it. But I don’t believe you.
“I want to be kissed; this is my date too.”
“Greed will get you nowhere in life.”
“It isn’t greed, but hunger, my dear friend Enzo.”I was showing you who I was in more ways than one.
“Then a kiss you shall receive if it tames the hidden beast.”
But I wanted a kiss; I wanted to know what the butterflies in my belly would feel like once you quieted the strumming of their wings. What the impression of our lips meeting might mean if we gave ourselves a few inches.
Missing you is like waiting on a first kiss back on my lips.
I miss tunnels where I tempt you; both lead to sunlight.
Where you grabbed my face and kissed us into a beginning.
I think about those sunny days, filled with first impressions.
Miss smiles that never knew death, only wicked pleasures.
Have you always been this marvelous?
Tattoos are swollen on rustic arms, looking like some tribal demi-god, and are blessed with frustration. Every broken heart echoes through you and inadvertently stays within me.
