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This dude named Connors, that’s his first name. With an S on end and everything, last name Thomson. This gets confusing because another recruit named Thomas, first name, last name Connor. But Connors first name is simple white dude, straight out of Iowa, Pella, Iowa. He was shy like me, but he was happy to share when he got talking.
He said his hometown is like a replica of Holland and Dutch descendants, even having a tulip festival every year. My sister Kanae’s favorite flowers are tulips, all colors. I wonder if Phoebe has ever heard of the festival before.
Connors and I get along the most out of the group. We don’t feel the need to fill the space with nonsense or wasted speech. I like him, he is a good guy and a great person to compete against. We push each other to perform better train each other to get better scores. It’s nice to have someone supportive for once in this field.
I slap Connors on the shoulder, celebrating our triumph. Seven weeks, it takes seven weeks from recruit to graduate to the sailor status. Our final exam is what they call battle stations, the last hurdle to see if we are worthy of carrying the title. In almost shock, I can’t believe I make it. But I do, and so do most of the recruits from our barracks.
I wish Phoebe could see me. She would be proud of me. Fuck I am proud of me. I did this, not my dad, brother, or uncle. I fucking came and fought, and I came out victorious. The sense of accomplishment overwhelms me; I excuse myself to the private bathroom. My face is the same, slimmer, but I have changed. I see a man I didn’t know existed, one unafraid of the words of others.
My journey and trials have taken me so far; I just wish Phoebe was there on the other side so I could share this with her.
I did it,I did it.
I never knew I could.
We are up at five a.m.; the recruit graduation is at nine. Our capping ceremony, me with my fellow eight hundred or so sailors, will line up and be rewarded.
Before we are released to get dressed in formal attire, we sit for an in-depth briefing. Laying out the law of our life in the Navy from here on out, after graduation, what to expect.
“Mom, did she call?” I know she didn’t come, I would have seen her. I would have run to her, defied orders, taken the punishment to hold her one more time.
I look around the faces of other family members of the graduating sailors. Wives embrace their husbands, and I long to spin around the woman I love.
My mom holds the program in her hand and shakes her head.
“I messaged her the invitation like you wanted me to, Kenzo.” She rubs my arm up and down. “Come on, when your father is done being a peacock with his fellow Navy buddies.” Mama loops her arm through mine. “You look so handsome, Zo. I am sure you know you have made your dad very proud.”
I smile down at her, knowing she is trying to comfort me, even if it doesn’t help.
Basic training was good for my heartbreak. I didn’t have time to think because I was trying to survive the level of hell I only thought my dad knew how to deliver.
But now it’s over, and I am getting shipped off somewhere new. I have nothing but Phoebe’s name on my lips, waiting for her to turn around and find me.
“Thanks for flying out, Mama.” I pull her under my arm, walking to their rental car.
“Of course, it isn’t always our oldest son graduates from the naval academy.” I can hear the praise in her voice, but it makes me unhappy this is what they have decided is good enough for their standards.
She yells at my sisters as they keep checking out the sailors in uniform. Waving them back over to us until our dad comes to join us. My brother is back in South Carolina at his base in Beaufort. He sends his best, is proud to call me his brother.
“Husband shopping at my graduation?” I elbow Kasumi as I catch her looking at another man giving her a grin that only means trouble.
“Shut up, it’s not like there are plenty of guys back in Philly, Dad would even approve of.” My sister pushes me away.
“Wait, what’s that smell?” I shift my head around and inhale.
“What?” Kasumi thinks it is here, but I bust up laughing.
“Smells like desperation, little sister.” I tease her because I can, making my mood a little better.
“Oh, you are the worst, Kenzo! Mama, Kenzo said I would never get married because I’m not pretty enough and don’t look like the other girls.” My mouth gapes open; sisters are the worst. Kasumi’s smile grows; she knows what she is doing. “By the way, little brother. Just because you are taller doesn’t mean you are older.” She gives me a wink as she whispers.
“Kenzo Benji!” Great. There is nothing like getting scolded at your Navy graduation by your mother to add it to special events.
“Mama, stop full-naming me. We are out in public.” But she turns to me and gives me a look that makes me stand up straight and behave.
“Kassidy came by the other day.” Kasumi continues speaking as I look over everyone’s head, still expecting to catch a glimpse of Phoebe among the crowd. “She’s pregnant.”
“Not my kid.” I turn my neck to see the face of another black-haired woman who isn’t mine. It’s been years since I have even thought about Kassidy. There wasn’t a point, I had Phoebe; I didn’t need anyone else. I mean, I’ve thought about her son, Darian. A lot, it was hard to cut ties. He must be growing into a teenager here soon.
