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She was probably planning the exact way for her to break up with him at this very moment.
Tristan let out a heavy sigh. Hadn’t he told himself he wasn’t going to jump to conclusions? Well, that was exactly what he was doing, and he wasn’t going to stand for it.
He spun around and headed straight for Mathew.
His son was staring off in the same direction he’d been looking. The frown was almost imperceptible. When had his son gotten so good at controlling that facial expression? “Where’s Miss Dianna going?”
“She said she didn’t feel well.”
“She seemed fine to me.”
Tristan shot a look over his shoulder. “Yeah. I guess everyone has different needs that we have to accept and respect.”
24
Dianna
Dianna paced in her bedroom. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t even handle a simple relationship with a guy who was obviously smitten with her? Not only that, but he was also a great father to Mathew.
The biggest thing holding her back was how irritated she got with his views on how Mathew needed to change. On top of that, she wasn’t sure she was ready to be part guardian to Mathew.
That was the only thing she could think Tristan might want to discuss with her. And there was no way she was ready to talk aboutthat.
Had she entertained the idea a few times since their first kiss? Of course. What girl wouldn’t? She hated to admit that she did a great deal more than simply consider it. She’d gone so far as to ask her older sisters when the best time for a wedding would be or if the time of year even mattered.
After bringing that up, the knowing looks her sisters gave her were the ones she avoided almost religiously. Each of her sisters who were involved or married seemed to act as if she were already engaged or soon would be.
Well, they couldn’t be more wrong. If her anxiety had anything to say about it, she wasn’t ready. She was absolutely terrified that Tristan was pushing her into something that she might not be able to handle.
Normally it took her months to come to a conclusion about something new. The only time she’d jumped into something without thinking was when she’d gotten hired by Shane. And the only reason she did that was because Constance practically dragged her into the office to have an interview.
She’d hated Constance for at least two weeks after that interaction. To be fair, Constance had this way of knowing what was best, even if Dianna wasn’t sure.
Now, it felt like she was on that ice skating rink, but this time Tristan wasn’t helping to hold her up. He was pushing her along faster and faster until the world around her blurred and she couldn’t see straight. Her heart beat faster and her pulse howled like one of the wolves in the woods. She’d lost control of everything, and she didn’t like feeling like she was teetering on the edge of something so dangerous.
Dianna should have known better. She’d been safe when she’d stayed at home reading her books. Her father’s rule had helped facilitate that. Now she had no one to blame but herself. She’d let this happen when she’d allowed her curiosity to get the better of her and she’d kissed Tristan.
She sat on the edge of her bed and let her focus sweep through the room. She’d spent every day in this room growing up. It wasn’t just the place she called home; it was her safe haven. It was the place she went to when the world became too much.
Taking the job with Shane had opened up a whole new world for her. She’d been able to help Mathew, and she wouldn’t trade that for anything. She even looked forward to helping other children reach their goals through working with horses. And she’d come to terms with all of those changes.
So why was it so difficult to accept the change that was happening with Tristan?
That realization was what made this situation so much more difficult. If her head and her heart weren’t in this together, then she wasn’t ready.
That was the plain and simple truth of it all. How people managed to meet and fall in love in such a short time was beyond her. Apparently, Tristan was one of them.
She shot off her bed. Her mind was made up. She was allowed to feel cornered and do what she needed to in order to keep her head. And no one should make her feel bad about it.
Tristan wasn’t due to arrive for about twenty minutes. She had enough time to saddle up and do a few laps with her horse before he got there. She needed the reprieve from her racing thoughts.
Dianna slipped out the front door, avoiding the kitchen where she heard some of her sisters preparing for dinner. The sun had long set and the moon shone bright over the snow. Christmas lights twinkled in the distance from the neighboring ranches. A cold breeze played with her hair and nipped at her cheeks. She pulled her coat tighter around her and shoved her hands into her pockets.
Christmas would be in about a week. Tristan would be due to stay for a little longer after that—unless they decided to stay permanently.
Her stomach fluttered with the thought. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it also didn’t sit well with her. If they stayed, she’d feel obligated to commit to something, which brought her right back around to feeling smothered.
Dianna let out a sigh, and the puff of warm air dissipated around her. She felt absolutely sick to her stomach. Between the guilt and the anxiety, she probably should have just called him and told him that she wasn’t up for their date. But avoiding him would only start something she was even less prepared to deal with.
