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I wondered for a moment if I was supposed to feel bad about that, but I really didn’t. I wasn’t using him, wasn’t doing anything that could hurt him. He just didn’t agree with my plans.
“Are you going to tell me?”
“I shouldn’t. What I should do is lock your ass up. I should see if I can get you assigned to me somehow and make you stay right here in my bed. Maybe if you have me on your ass every day and night, you’ll stay safe.” Frustration colored his words, but even with them, I wasn’t afraid. He let out a bitter laugh. “But I know not even that would work. You’d still find a way to do what you wanted, and the only thing me being stubborn does is risk you.”
His words tempted me to respond, but I didn’t. I gave him the room to think about it, to consider my words and his response. He had to work through it himself. He wasn’t an enemy, wasn’t someone I was trying to trick. He deserved the ability to make his own choice.
“The communications center is on the fourth floor of the North Tower,” he said softly. “But the North Tower doesn’t allow any free movement. It isn’t like here, where you all get a lot of room to roam. The North Tower is set up like a traditional prison, where shades stay in their cells all the time unless being experimented on or otherwise used. They house shades in cells close to the project they’re involved in.”
So I just had to get out of my cell, then head to the fourth floor.
He shook his head. “I see you thinking, but you don’t get it. The shades that go there don’t leave their cells. They can’t just wander around. Even if you’re sent there, you won’t be able to get out of your cell, let alone get to the communications area. Even if you did all that, even if you managed to get there, get out of your cell and somehow disrupt communications for some escape attempt, you’d be stuck in the North Tower.”
He thought that because he didn’t know everything, because he thought it was just me.
I wasn’t alone anymore, though. I had help and together, we had a good plan.
“I can take care of myself.”
“It isn’t that I don’t believe you—it’s that you don’t know enough to be able to say it. I spent my whole childhood in the North Tower, subjected to experimentation and training. I don’t want you to suffer that. The things they do there…”
“You mentioned Corrander and Lazarus before. What are those?”
“I don’t know exactly. There are whispers, where staff from the North Tower talk about them. I know Lazarus has something to do with bringing shades backto life. I have no idea what that means, but if it is related to the North Tower, you want nothing to do with it. Trust me, you need to stay as far away from that place as you can.”
“The Warden is watching me,”I explained.
“Yeah, I know. She’s been interested in you since you arrived. It’s yet another reason to forget about whatever you’re planning. She’s dangerous, and she won’t hesitate to remove you if she thinks you’re a threat.”
“Isn’t that a better reason to think ahead?”
“You can’t think ahead of the Warden. She’s been in charge of Larkwood for thirty years and she’s had all that time to rig the game in her favor. She’s the type of enemy who is steps ahead, who has plans for everything an opponent could do. I’ve heard she even has some special escape in the event of a riot or attack. You can’t win against someone as deeply entrenched as the Warden is.”
“It’s only a matter of time before she doesn’t think I’m worth keeping around.”
“Maybe, but that matter of time might be decades, and damn it, Hera, Iwantthat time with you. I don’t want to lose it because you’re chasing a pipedream.”
I looked him in the eyes before responding as truthfully as I could.“I can’t live as a prisoner. You said you wished I could spend every night here, but I can’t. I can’t love you when I don’t have any choices, when I don’t have my own life or my own future.”
“But whatever you’re doing will kill you, and I’ll be left here alone again and guilty because I let it happen.”
I leaned in and set my forehead against his, rewarded by him wrapping a strong arm around me and pulling me closer.
“At least stay with me a little longer,” he whispered in a soft, pleading voice. “Don’t leave yet. Let me hold you just like this a little longer.”
The way he asked sounded like a goodbye, like he knew I barreled toward a tragedy he couldn’t stop.
Either I’d escape, and he’d be left here, or I’d die trying, and he’d still be alone. I understood his feelings, but they couldn’t change what I had to do.
So I nodded and cuddled against him, giving him a bit more time because that was all I had to offer.
Chapter Eleven
Hera
I frowned as I walked down the unfamiliar hallway.
Usually, my work consisted of manual labor, but on my schedule for the day had been a large block of time with a room on the second floor listed.
