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Her words caught me off guard. I’d expected her to lie and tell me she trusted me, to make up a story about why she needed my help, or to admit that she didn’t trust me. Instead, she’d said she did, but she worried about me?
She wasn’t the type to lie, and especially not to lie well, so I suspected she answered truthfully.
“You have Lilianna to think about,” she added on. “I can’t put you in a position that could endanger her. If anything happened to her because of me? I don’t think I could live with that. So, please, just agree to this and don’t ask anymore.”
I stared at her, at an absolute loss for words.
Had anyoneeverreally worried about me? Had they prioritized me above what they could use me for? No doubt, whatever nonsense she had in her head, it would have been easier if I’d been part of it. I didn’t say that out of arrogance, it was simply a fact.
Yet, she hadn’t. She hadn’t tried to trick me, to manipulate me, to use me at all. She asked for help, but only seemed to want to involve me in a way that wouldn’t lead back to me.
If she’d have tried those other options, I’d have said no. Somehow, she made it far more difficult to turn her down when she treated me like this.
“I don’t know what you’re planning,” I said as I set my hand on her knee. Since she wasn’t physical, it differed from touching a person. Because of our bond, it was more like touching energy, something solid only to me. “But if you want my help, you need to promise me that you will be careful. You need to promise me that if you get in over your head, you will reach out to me to ask for help.”
“But Lilianna—”
I silenced her by leaning in and brushing my lips to hers. It wasn’t a real kiss, not the one I wanted that I’d told myself to stop thinking about. It lacked her warmth, her scent, her taste. Still, it was more than I’d thought I’d ever get. “You matter to me as well, Hera. Idon’t think I could look at myself anymore if I turned my back on you, if I allowed you to get hurt out of my own cowardice. I won’t press about what you’re doing, so long as you can make that promise to me.”
Her eyes went wide, as if the kiss were the last thing she’d ever expected. Was that because she’d never seen me that way or because I’d done a good enough job hiding my feelings that it had taken her by surprise?
Would she slap me for the kiss? Yell at me? Reject me?
I waited, ready for it.
Instead, she leaned in and returned the kiss, though it remained chaste. She let her forehead rest against mine, the touch strange, almost sad.
It made that spark of fear inside me grow. Just what was she planning? What was she after? Why did she look so sad all of a sudden?
“I promise,” she said in a whisper.
And no matter how difficult…I’d have to trust her.
Chapter Sixteen
Hera
I stared at Deacon from across the large cafeteria. Just how much I enjoyed watching him work surprised me. He was tough, no doubt about that. He didn’t take shit from anyone, but he was fair, too.
Even if others never understood it, never saw it, he worked hard to protect the shades he could.
The thought of never seeing him again made my chest hurt. How could I live without his smile, that rare one he showed only to me? How could I not hear his voice anymore, never glare as he lectured me again?
A selfish part of me wanted to ask him to come with me, but I knew better. Deacon didn’t believe there was a life outside of Larkwood for him—for any of us. He’d grown up within the walls of the North Tower, and while he could leave, he didn’t truly know about the outside world.
He would never come, and he’d probably work to keep me from doing it as well. I’d thought at first it was because he was an asshole, because he wanted me locked up. Now, I understood him better.
Deacon had learned that no life existed outside these walls. He would stop me not out of hate but out of fear. He didn’t want me to die trying to escape, especially because he didn’t believe a person could ever actually escape.
The Warden’s words came back to me, though. She knew about the connection between Deacon and I, and I couldn’t leave him with that mess. I didn’t want him to pay the price for what I would do, which meant making it clear to everyone that we were not together.
The aching in my chest didn’t stop as I rose and walked toward where Deacon stood. He spoke with a few other guards, their voices low but conversation seeming friendly enough.
At least, on the surface. A tension there still remained, a clear sign that the other guards didn’t consider Deacon one of them. It wasn’t like that would change after I left, but I didn’t want him to suffer anymore because of me.
“You can’t just target the female residents for searches,” Deacon said, in a low voice to a guard I’d seen around but never dealt with personally.
“I don’t,” the other guard argued.
