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“I spent a year at Larkwood, and you know what was constant? The Warden, the guards, the staff, they all wanted to keep us fighting each other. I realize now, looking back at my life before then, that it was the same. People in power tell everyone that shades are vicious, and they put us all against each other. They tell the Level 4s that the Level 1s are dangerous, and they tell the Level 1s that the Level 4s are lucky and privileged and we should hate them. It took me a while to figure it out, and it wasn’t until my escape that I really understood—they did that all because they want us focused on each other and not the real problem, not on them. When we work together, they lose that power.”
“If I heard that a month ago, I’d have laughed at the idiot espousing such a fantasy. You’re not the first person to offer up such a stupid idea.” Even though his words were cruel, they didn’t come out mean spirited. He tilted his head, staring hard at me. “But you might be the only person I’d actually believe…”
Though, that made me question my own words. I sat there and talked about how I couldn’t leave Bowen and Soshi to face the danger alone, but hadn’t I already done that? I thought about the shades in Larkwood, the ones still suffering, the ones left to clean up the mess I’d left behind. Why was this church different? Why weretheseshades any different than those I’d abandoned already?
Because you were responsible for these ones being targeted—the ones in Larkwood were just unlucky. You can’t be responsible for everyone else in the world.Even as I told myself that, I struggled to understand or believe it.
Before I could say anything else, he went on. “Because you helped us and risked yourselves for us, I’m going to offer something. I like to pay back my debts, after all. Wait here.”
I knelt beside Wade, who had his eyes open, though he clearly wasn’t all there. I set my hand on his shoulder, trying to reassure him. His lips quirked into a happy grin that lacked any of that cutting edge of wit he usually had. He twisted, his cheek brushing my palm as if he couldn’t bear to not touch me.
It took a moment for me to realize what was wrong. I felt no pull, no sinking of my powers. I still heard everything around, still felt that noise of the world. Why wasn’t Wade taking my powers as he normally did when we touched? It was strange to feel the warmth of his skin alone, to not have him take my powers at the same time.
Was it the drugs? Perhaps he needed to be fully conscious to do it?
He blinked slowly, his eyes trusting and open as he stared up at me.
“I told you he was fine. Voids shouldn’t get involved in fights like that, though.”
“He’s tough,”I argued, as if his words had been some insult against Wade.
“I know exactly how scary voids are, but they don’t do much against humans. They’re more of a specific weapon against shades.”
“His powers aren’t working right now. Is that something you did?”
Bowen cocked his head to the side. “He isn’t in danger, so why would his powers work right now?”
“His powers work all the time. Anytime he touches someone, he draws their power from them.”
The press of Bowen’s lips into a tight line said he suddenly understood something he didn’t care for. “I knew he was an odd one, but I hadn’t realized he was quite that broken.”
I frowned but said nothing, unsure how to respond.
“Voids use their powers like any other shade. It isn’t automatic normally. Some of the time, though, it can be like a dog that bares its teeth—a warning. So I’ve heard of cases where a void experienced trauma and they stopped being able to control that impulse because they felt driven to protect themselves.”
So Wade was capable of controlling his powers, but he simply didn’t trust me enough to do so?
I squeezed gently at his hand, unsure how to react or what to say back. It made sense, and I couldn’t pretend that Wade was the picture of perfect mental health. Still, it also caused an ache in my chest. He had locked himself away from people, forced himself to wear gloves, and none of that had to happen? It was all due to his inability to feel safe?
Would he someday come to trust me enough to not do that? Could he ever learn to let down his guard, at least with me?
“Here.” Bowen’s voice drew me out of my thoughts, and when I turned, he had a business card held out to me.
I took it, letting go of Wade to focus on what he’d handed me. An address was written on the card, one scrawled in messy print along with a symbol I didn’t recognize. I lifted my gaze to Bowen, my eyebrow raised.
“Consider this my debt paid in full. It’s the contact information for a group who help smuggle shades out of the country. I’ve already contacted them so they know you will all be coming. You’ve got a meeting tomorrow night at that address. Show them this card so they know I sent you.”
I clutched the card, the first glimpse of real escape I’d found. Despite getting out of Larkwood, despite avoiding the guards and soldiers sent to find us, I’d still had no real idea how to create a life. I’d had no concrete plan as to how to get out of the country, away from those who tracked us.
And now Bowen had handed me just that.
I nodded at him, the closest to a thank you I could muster. One more long drive, and we’d be safe. We’d get out of the country, away from our pursuers, and hell—maybe we’d get that quiet life we all deserved.
But at what cost?
Chapter Seven
Deacon
