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But, she was far from happy. That was obvious.
“I haven’t responded to it yet,” I told her again. “Like I said, I’m not even sure I want to do this.”
“Are you crazy?” she asked with wide eyes. “This is like anyone’s dream! You won’t have to worry about money or status or where you’re going to work or live or any of that ever again.”
“There’s more to life than those things,” I told her. “And I may have found some things here that mean more to me than any of those things there. So, I don’t know what I’m going to do yet.”
“I hope you’re not saying that you aren’t taking it because of me,” she said.
“Hold up there, you are getting way too far ahead of yourself,” I told her. “I got this job offer out of the blue, and I’m going to think about it before I make any real decisions on what I’m going to do about it. I just don’t know at this point what I’m going to do or what the right choice is, so right now, I’m going to put it back on the shelf and give it some thought before I decide what I’m going to do exactly.”
She nodded again, then turned her attention back to her coffee. I put the note on the counter and sat down across from her, doing my best to lighten the mood after she’d found the note that morning. I hoped she didn’t think I was hiding it from her. I just didn’t want her to stress about it before I knew what I was going to do myself.
But, she seemed like she’d put up a wall of sorts, or that she was being distant with me, and I wasn’t sure how to break through it. I didn’t like the feeling there was something between us, but then, there would be this between us from now on until I figured out what to do about it. There was just no changing that.
I knew to be sympathetic toward her rather than angry with her for being worried. She was also enjoying how this relationship was going, and I knew she wanted to see what the future held for us, too. Now that this was in the works, it looked like I might be moving across the country, and I already knew why I wasn’t going to talk to her about that. Not for quite some time anyway.
I didn’t want it to ruin what we had going on right now, however, so I got up and headed to the fridge.
“You said you usually skip breakfast, but I was hoping I might be able to tempt you into some sausage gravy and biscuits?” I asked.
She looked at me briefly, clearly arguing with herself over how she was going to respond to my invitation. It wasn’t anything to be this upset about and ruin the morning over, she would know that, but she also felt her emotions strongly. That was something I knew about her.
“Sure,” she said at last.
“Coming right up,” I said.
I put the pan on the stove and preheated the oven, changing the conversation to anything but Texas or work. Those were the last two things I wanted to have even brought up in the house that morning, and I was glad Harper seemed to be thinking the same thing. She didn’t bring up the note again, and our conversation was free flowing and lighthearted as always all through breakfast.
I hoped by the time she was ready to leave that she was feeling better, but when I pulled up in front of her house to let her out, she turned to me.
“I’m going to be shopping with Raya for a while today, but I’ll text you when I get the chance, okay?” she asked.
I knew the message was clear. She wanted space and time to think. She was gentle enough to word it differently so I didn’t feel like she was manipulating me or trying to get me to do what she wanted. She was just trying to get some time.
“Okay, baby,” I told her. “Text me when you get the chance, alright?”
She slid out of my car, and I watched her head up the steps and into her building.
I wished she hadn’t seen that note that morning, but there was a sense of relief with it out in the open, too. Now I could think about it and talk about it with her after she digested the initial shock, and we could figure out what we were going to do next.
There was a part of me that didn’t think of this as a decision that was only my own anymore. This was something that would deeply affect both of us, and it was only fair to talk to her about it.
But, I wanted to wait for a better time to do it.
Everything was so fresh right now, she had to have time to think.
And so did I.
TWENTY-SIX
Harper
I metwith Raya about two hours after Trevor dropped me off.
I almost called off on her twice, not wanting to go out or do anything with the news I had discovered that morning.
It was my own fault.
