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Her voice fades as I’m walking away. I don’t look to see if she’s following me.
When I get to Kara and Riley, Kara says, “What the hell was that about?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. I think— I need a drink.”
“Then let’s go.” Riley waves Cherise over.
We step into the mall’s main area while Kara draws the rolling bar-thing down from the ceiling. It locks the boutique off from the mall’s walking area.
I scan the area for Billie. She’s gone.
Cherise frowns. “What was her deal?”
“Where are we going?” Riley asks.
Cherise wraps her arms around Kara. “Where do you want to go? It’s your birthday, isn’t it?”
Kara studies me for a moment. “How about dime beer and wings?” Wasted.That’s where she’s saying we should go. It’s like she’s challenging me. Like she knows something, and she’s pushing me to it. Kara’s the bold one.
Riley lets out a tiny gasp as if stunned by Kara’s nerve.
“Sounds good,” I say.
Riley releases another gasp. This time it's louder. “Really?”
I nod. Time to face the piper. “I'll fill you in when we’re in the car.”
33
BOUNCERS AND BLOOD SUGAR
CASSIE
The drive takes a little bit longer than we planned because Kara was driving around so that I would have time to tell them a little bit of our history. I didn't plan to go into it this much. But I did. I let it all out. Every single thing—
Almost every single thing.
I couldn't tell them about the baby. It's too raw. Having just brought that up with Josh not long ago still sits on me heavier than I ever would have anticipated.
Thirty minutes later, we pull into the parking lot. It's hopping. Of course. Couldn't get so lucky for it to be a slow night tonight. Looks like I'll have to have my talk with him while there’s an audience. Unless he can pull away. What if he gets fired for that? Considering the stunt he pulled on New Year's Eve—
I take out my mirror and my lip gloss.
Kara says, “You look fine.”
I don't look fine. I can't possibly look fine, not after the news I got tonight. I have to ask him if his dad's death was a suicide. I have to ask him what Billie means to him. Most importantly, I have to ask him what I mean to him. Or maybe, more importantly, I have to ask him about the baby Billie’s carrying. I know I should tell him about our baby. What happened. All that. But that part I probably won’t bring up. I’m simply not that brave.
We all get out of the car. I straighten my skirt, try to get the wrinkles out, deliberately taking my time, stalling, avoiding this.
How can I go in there and ask him why he hasn’t contacted me? Or who Billie is? Or what she is to him? And even worse, how can I possibly think of asking him about his dad? And it’s not my business anyway.
“What’s wrong?” Riley takes my hand, pulls me aside. Kara and Cherise hover around.
“I don’t know if I can go through with this.” I shake my head. “Anyway, this is your night, Kara. Let’s just go in and make the best of it.” I hug her. “I want you to have a good birthday.” I’m such a self-centered shit. Here Kara is, with her mother not even acknowledging her birthday, and I’m worried about me. Really?
I commit right then and there not to let Josh ruin my night. I mean, Kara’s night. Billie will probably be there. I force a brave smile onto my face. “Let’s go have some birthday fun!”
The same bouncer is there. I wonder if he remembers me from that first night because his eyes rest on me a bit longer than anyone else.
