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"How about you, Nathan? What's your family like, other than your fight-happy brother?" she asks, pulling away but still sitting close enough that our legs brush.
I move my hand from her shoulder to her cheek, and run my thumb over her cheekbone. "My parents are divorced and there are just us to boys. My dad was in very delicate health, but has gotten considerably better over the last few years."
"I'm both sorry to hear he was doing poorly and glad he's doing better," she says.
"You'll meet them both, I'm sure."
She seems surprised, then nods before leaning into me again. I rest my chin on top of her head and pet her hair with gentle fingers.
"You're very comforting," she says softly.
"Life is painful. Being comforting seems right when I can see the pain in your eyes." I want to protect her, and if I'm unable to do so, I want to at least let her know she's not alone, that she's important, and that she's loved.
"Thank you," she whispers.
"Maybe one day you'll be able to talk about what you went through and heal. Until then, I'm happy to lend a shoulder."
She nuzzles right in, her body soft and warm against mine. We both relax and I just enjoy having her here. I like this woman for all she is, without limits or conditions, and that's scary as hell. But exciting.
I don't give a damn what my brother says, what my parents think, or what the world might whisper behind our backs. With her in my arms, I'm content with life.
Chapter Twelve
Stacia
The last thing I want to do is come between best friends – doubly so for best friends who are also brothers. I’ve lost enough friends to know how painful it is to lose everything because of someone else. While this situation isn’t exactly what happened between me and my ex, I still don’t feel good being a source of friction.
I am a bit hurt that his brother put such a big onus on the age gap. Sure, it’s a pretty big gap, but to hear someone else confirm something that’s been nagging at me too… well, that doesn’t feel good.
Nathan continues to stroke my hair and for a second, I let myself imagine this is our new normal. Cuddling on the couch, relaxed and comfortable in one another’s company. Deep down, I know I’m just fooling myself, but for a second… I’m happy.
My time with Nathan has opened my eyes in more ways than one.
Like our discussion about parents. I’d danced around what happened with mine, but long story short… they chose my ex over me. I'd never really thought about whether or not parents are supposed to be a source of unconditional love and support until Nathan talked about his with disappointment and while I understood his upset, I wished my biggest issue with my parents was that they were trying to hook me up with someone I didn’t love with my best interests in mind.
And I’m not trivializing what he went through or thinking my problems are worse, I just wish my parents gave a damn.
Before my ex, whenever I'd tried to imagine what life would be like without my parents, the thought had been more of a fleeting thought than a vivid one.
But it's becoming clear to me that they're supposed to be part of your life, no matter what.
The fact that my father has disowned me and my mother hasn't bothered to even speak with me in years might seem like a tragedy to some people, but that's not how I see it. All they did was prove I don’t need them or anyone in particular.
Well, I'm not saying I don't want them to be in my life. If the whole "disowning" thing was just a figure of speech, if my mom called me every week and we talked about grownup stuff, I’d feel better that I’d made dad mad, but I could hope he’d get over it. But as months of no contact stretch into nearly a year, I have to face that they never will.
“What are you thinking about?” Nathan asks.
“How crazy life is.” That’s not a lie; my parents choosing my ex over their own flesh-and-blood daughter is pretty nuts.
"I don't want our time to end," he says, still stroking my hair in long motions of his fingers.
To say I'm shocked to hear Nathan say those words is an understatement. Especially knowing that he's choosing me over his relationship with his brother. I can't help but feel like that's the wrong move for both of us, and for any potential relationship we might have moved forward, family is more important than any other relationship, and I wish he'd see that.
Of course I do like him more than I should, given that he's my boss, he's too old for me, and that there's no way we could make anything work between us. Those thoughts sting and I try to push them out of my mind.
When I don't say anything, Nathan leans in and kisses my forehead, then pulls back a troubled look on his face. I stay still as he presses the inside of his wrist to my forehead. As his skin makes contact with mine, I realize he feels strangely cold, and so do I.
"I think you're running a fever," he says in a soft voice that gets my heart thumping.
