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For some reason, his words sting in my chest aches as my heart crushes. “What do you mean, what's gotten into me? I've spent the whole day feeling like my life has just fallen apart and I'm going to have to run away and you're going to come back and tell me to leave and that you're going to hate me for all of this because it's my fault and you're asking what's gotten into me?”
He gently grabs my shoulders and lowers his lips to mine, but I push him away. “Don't do that. I'm not going to shut up. You're not going to shut me down with a kiss.”
“I'm not trying to shut you up, Stacia. I'm just trying to help calm you down. Everything's going to be fine. I've got you. I promise.” He opens his arms again, as if to hug me, but I reach out and poke his chest with my index finger.
“You just left me here all day. You didn't tell me what was going on. You didn't say anything, you didn't put me at ease. You just let me sit here and stress and worry and be afraid of what would happen next.” I can hear the accusations flowing out of my mouth, but I don't know how to stop them. I know that I'm not really mad at him. I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at the situation. I'm mad at Logan, but I'm not mad at Nathan. I just can't hold back the flood.
“And I'm sorry about that. I didn't have much to tell. There weren't many updates. I just learned the full extent of it myself. I didn't mean to leave you feeling terribly.” I can see the concern and fear in his features, and I take a step back and drop onto the couch, unable to hold back the stress-filled tears.
“I really am sorry, Stacia,” he says. His words sound and feel genuine, and I watch him try again to physically comfort me. But I push him away. Even though I know that I need his touch, I want his touch, I want to let him comfort me. But what happens when he's not here anymore? What happens when he's not around to comfort me?
“Don't do that. Don't touch me,” I say, feeling my heart break all over again in my chest. I hate that I'm doing this. I hate that I'm putting distance between us when all I want is to be close to him. But I also know that if I do it now, it'll hurt less, because eventually this man's going to break my heart, walk out of my life, and leave me picking up the pieces. I'd rather just deal with the pain now than let it get to a point where I can't fix it.
“Is there something else going on?” he asks, ever the completely calm, stoic individual I've fallen for.
“Yes. I don't want you to touch me, because if I get used to leaning on you for support one day, I'll have to get used to you not being around again because this is all going to end, and that hurts.” I bring to my knees, to my chest on the couch and close off as much as possible, winding my arms around my legs. Placing my forehead on my knees, I try to hold back the tears and sniff, hating that I probably have snot all over my face. Why would he want to stay with me? I'm an absolute mess.
“Stacia, I asked if you wanted to make things real. You're the one that said that you wanted to keep it fake.” He's still calm, as if attempting to appeal to my sense of reason. Too bad my sense of reason has exited the building.
“I know, and I said no, and I messed up. And now I'm in love with you and I have to deal with that. But that means that I need to keep you away from me because it's going to hurt too much when we split up.”
He doesn't say anything and I can hear the sound of my heart sitting in the silence. As the moments tick by, I wonder what I said or did wrong. Nathan's never quiet for this long, especially not when I'm upset, which should tell me something about how he feels and how perfect he is for me, but I don't want to think about that right now.
I lift my head and peek at him to see him staring at me with a slight smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “You love me?” he asks, a giddy gleefulness in his voice that makes him sound almost like a young man.
“Shut up. Of course I love you. You didn't figure that out?” The pressure around my heart starts to release and I wonder if maybe I was wrong. Maybe there's still a chance, because the excitement, warmth and love in his eyes leads me to believe that he feels the same way.
Maybe Nathan really does still love me.
“I love you too,” he says. “So much.”
“Even though my ex-boyfriend ruined your life?” I hate that somehow Logan still manages to find a way to ruin everything, even though he's not actually part of my life anymore. I thought I'd escaped him and I thought wrong.
“That's just it, love.” Nathan reaches out and touches my hair before curling his index finger and running it along my cheekbone under my eye. “He didn't ruin my life. And even if he did, that doesn't change the way I feel about you.” He reaches up with his other hand and cups my face gently. “He's a garbage human being. You are amazing. He didn't deserve you and I'm not sure I do either.”
Believe the words I'm hearing, much less believe that he means them.
But one thing I know about Nathan instead, he doesn't lie to me. Sure, maybe we did trick his family. But here's the thing. He never tricked me. He never tried. He was always up front and honest with his intentions, his wants, his needs. Why should I assume that now would be the time he'd change who he’s shown me he is all along?
My best friend gave me really good advice a long time ago. She said that when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Nathan has shown that he loves me, that he cares about me, that he will do anything to protect me, keep me safe and make me happy. So why should I believe anything different?
“Now that you've admitted you love me, can we make this real, please?” I see a bit of doubt and fear in his eyes and the last thing I want to do is let him live there because I know how destroying and devastating those emotions can be.
I uncurl myself from the couch, throw my arms around his shoulders, and cling to him, suddenly not carrying that I have snow on my face, that I'm covered in tears, or that I probably look terrible.
The only thing that matters is us, right here, right now. I love Nathan. Nathan loves me. And I'm happy.
If the rest of the world ended, I'd be happy to be right here in his arms.
Epilogue
Stacia
I know Nathan told me that Logan had a history of ripping people off and being a con man, knowing that I wasn't the first didn't really make me feel better about what he put me through, but finding out that other people were being vindicated because he's in jail now does.
Is it on my phone watching the news report about Logan and how many people have come forward? At least a dozen individuals have come forward saying that he, in some way, shape or form, tried to get money out of them for various reasons.
Logan's mugshot leaves him looking both sad, depressed and caught all in, one says if he knows his days are numbered. I don't take any joy in knowing that his life is completely messed up by his own actions, but it is a relief to see that he is finally getting what he deserves. Part of me wishes it didn't take so long, but another part of me is just glad that it's happening.
