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All I can think of is Nathan's lips on mine, his touch on my skin, and his hands on my hips, pulling me close…
I need to get a grip. But I can't with him so close to me. I'm being silly. Stupid, really. Even if he did like me for me like all those romance novels I've read, once he learns the truth about the mistakes I've made, the trouble I'm in, and how I'm currently living... well... he'll curl his lip in disgust. And I can't ever let Nathan be disgusted by me. I just couldn't live with that image in my brain.
I need to get a grip. Before I ruin my life. Because nothing good can come from my crush with Nathan. Even the best-case scenario is that he falls for me, I fall for him, he learns the truth, and I lose him and part of myself. I did that once. No thank you, I'm not doing it again.
I learned my lesson.
I hope.
Would you like me to run you home so you can grab your suitcase?" Nathan asks.
"No, thank you, that won't be necessary." I force a smile to my lips, determined not to let him see the crappy motel I live in.
"But you can go tonight, right?" he asks, again giving me that look like he's trying to figure me out.
I swallow hard and nod. "I'll go home, grab a few things, and come back."
Some part of me can hardly believe I'm going on vacation with my super-sexy boss. Who says dreams don't come true? Then again, this has the potential to become a nightmare when he learns the truth. He was already on to me, but thankfully he let me duck out without giving him any details.
Still, I believe him when he says I can trust him, and even now, thinking about the look on his face when he told me not to ever lie to him...
I squeeze my thighs together, wanting to escape him and move in closer all at the same time. I've never been so conflicted.
"I'd, uh, better go pack," I say before hurrying for the door at a speed I hope doesn't make me look like I’m running away. But I am, absolutely, running away from Nathan.
Back in my sad motel room, I take clothing out of bags and put them in other bags, hoping I'm making the right guesses about weather and what to expect. Nathan didn't give me much to go on, so I'm just hoping for the best at this point.
The smell of mildew clings to the room and I bring a sweater to my face and inhale. The clean scent of laundry detergent hits my nose and I breathe a sigh of relief. That smell seems to sink into everything and I wash my clothes twice as often as I used to. It didn't take me long to wise up and store things in plastic totes to avoid the stink, but even that only works so well.
I scan the room, thinking about how close everything is in the tiny space, but reminding myself I wouldn't go back to my old life no matter what. Not after what happened between me and my ex-boyfriend.
I don't even want to consider the past, or think about him. I started over for a reason and I'm not about to let the past drag me down.
I take a deep breath and wipe my eyes, filling a bag with an extra sweater, my favorite pair of boots, and a couple of pairs of jeans. I'd feel better knowing that I had clothes, even if the trip was only supposed to last two days.
I'm not going to take my cellphone or any other electronics. I'll be with my boss and he'd be the only one to call anyway. No one else will notice if I don't check in. It's nice and terrifying not to be a burden... or important enough to anyone to be worth being contactable.
The car ride back to the office is miserable. The cool weather gave way to rain and cold, and the windows in my beater car don't close all the way, so wet gets in and condensation makes it hard to see. I wipe some off, but it starts to stream back in as soon as I do. The radio is on, but it's outdated and even the static is making me jumpy.
This car was the only thing of value - which is a laughable at best description - that I brought with me when I fled my life.
When the rain starts falling harder, I check the window for the thousandth time, making sure it's up as far as it will go. Streams of water spill down the glass and fat drops splash off the plastic of the door frame, soaking me to the bone.
When I finally pull into work, I breathe a sigh of relief and head into the parking garage. I see Nathan standing there, waiting for me and my heart drops. Well, he's going to see my car; there's no way around that.
I park and get out with a bright smile, taking my bag and throwing it over my shoulder as I walk up to him. He eyes my car before his attention ticks to me. I see thoughts running behind his eyes, but he warms right up and takes my bag from me.
"I hope you don't mind taking my car," he says as if nothing's happened.
I'm grateful he's not saying anything, but I'm still embarrassed. "I'm a bit damp, I don't want to ruin your seat," I say with a laugh I really don't feel. Every second that passes, I feel more and more mortified.
We walk toward a shiny dark sedan as he brushes off my concerns.
"You're fine," he says. "Come on." He opens the door for me and I get in. I inhale as he grabs the belt and leans over me, clicking it in place. His scent tickles my nose as my body stays frozen. He straightens up and grabs the shoulder belt, checking to make sure it's taut across my body before backing off and closing my door.
What the heck was that? My brain is confused, but that little gesture got my body hot and bothered in the weirdest possible way.
I watch him walk around to the other side.
