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“Why did it start in the first place?” A sob bursts from her lips.
“I am so fucking sorry,” I tell her, holding her hand in mine. “I love you. I chose you. Please, just get better, and we can talk about everything then,” I plead.
Bre looks between me and her best friend, but her eyes are empty. “I will never forgive myself for what I did, Anna. I hate myself more than you could possibly hate me. You were like my sister, and I chose a man over you.”
She looks me in the eye. “A man who never deserved me or you. Hell, I never deserved you.”
“I don’t hate you,” Anna tells Bre sadly. “I never could.”
“Well, you should.” And with that, Bre leaves the room.
I tell Savanna about the promises I made to Brianna over the years and the number of times I broke them. I admit that I love them both and that every part of me has been split for years, and then her heart monitor starts beeping, and all I recall is shouting for the nurses.
Those were my last words to my wife before she went into cardiac arrest.
The house is quiet, quieter than I ever recall it being. Justin is out with his girlfriend, Katelyn or Katherine, I don’t quite know. I haven’t been paying too much attention. My son is fifteen, and even though I was once where he is, I can’t believe that he's talking about being in love.
I look at my baby in his crib. He’s awake and giggling, catching his toes. Ty is a lot less troublesome than Justin was. I am grateful for that because I don’t know if I could handle it. My in-laws have left, but they stop by every other weekend. Sometimes they stay, occasionally they just visit for the day. I have a nanny, Sarah, she’s brilliant with Ty, and she cooks, not that I can’t do that for myself, I just don’t want to.
I miss Savannah. I miss her laughter and the way she loved Justin. The way she loved me. Ty will never get to feel that love or know what her snort-laugh sounds like. Three months is a long time to be without a person you spent years of your life with. Savanna was a complex woman, but she was faithful, and she never deserved what I did to her. Nor did Bre. I reach for my phone. I want to call Bre, text her, tell her that what I did that day of the funeral is despicable, but I know she wants nothing to do with me.
Thirty minutes later, I pull up outside the gym. I haven’t been here since Savanna died, but I need the release. I need to lose myself and push my body to the brink. Drowning myself at the bottom of the bottle doesn’t seem to be working anymore. I do a couple of stretches, then climb onto the treadmill, starting on a brisk walk and pushing up the speed to a run. My feet pound the surface, and even the sound of the dumbbells hitting the ground and the growls from the lifters don’t drown out the sound of Savanna’s voice in my head. I push myself harder for the next forty minutes.
When I stop, I’m still wound up, so I do a bit of rope climbing. I spent some time in the weight section with some hex bar deadlifts and bench presses. I hit the showers, and when I’m under the hot spray, all I fucking think about is the way I fucked Brianna, the way she let me. My hand fists my length to the sound of her moans and the way her face looked when she almost came undone. I growl a release, cum coating my hands. What the fuck is wrong with me?
When I’m back in my car, I realize I left my phone in there. There are several missed calls from Sarah, and I hit the speed dial.
“Sarah, is everything okay?” I am already running through all the terrible things that could have happened.
“Hi, Mr. Duke, it is now. I called Miss Brianna when I couldn't reach you. Ty wouldn’t settle down. He’s okay now.” Her voice sounds relieved. I am relieved too.
“I am on my way. Tell Brianna she doesn’t have to worry. She can leave now.”
The last thing I need is to see Brianna. Not after I just jerked-off to thoughts of her.
When I pull into my yard, her car is still there, a sleek white Tesla, a proper upgrade from her first Benz. Bre and I always argued about which was better, and for me, a BMW always won out. I rush through the doors and stop when I see Ty in Bre’s arms; her back is to me, and she’s talking baby to him. She turns and clears her throat.
“I thought I’d stay till you arrived, just in case,” she says icily. “He’s alright now, probably just cranky. But watch him, keep him hydrated.”
“Thank you,” I say, frowning. She stands and hands Ty to me.
I kiss Ty on his head. “You okay there, buddy?” He giggles, and I smile down at him.
Sarah comes into the room and takes Ty, smiling gratefully at Brianna before leaving the room.
“Well, I’ll be on my way,” she grabs her bag and starts toward the door.
“Brianna-” She stops and turns.
“Don’t you ever fucking tell me you’re sorry. I am tired and pretty much bored of your apologies. Just leave me the fuck alone, and I’ll do the same.” That defiance makes my cock hard. I shouldn't be thinking about that right now, but I can’t help the way she makes me feel.
“Don’t go.”
“Fuck you!” She hisses. I keep walking toward her and she steps back until her back hits the wall. Lust burns through me when I look into those blazing green eyes. And fuck do I need to feel her again. I trail my fingers over her cheeks and the curve of her chin. The dress she’s wearing gives me a nice display of her cleavage. I slip my hand inside and cup her breast, my eyes not leaving hers.
“You want me too, don’t you, but you’re too stubborn to admit it?” I challenge her, pinching a nipple so hard she yelps.
“I don’t.” Her words are a moaning mess.
