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Savanna had a difficult pregnancy. She lost a lot of blood during our son Ty’s birth. It was touch and go for a bit, but the doctors say she is out of the danger zone, but her gestational diabetes and hypertension, coupled with her exhaustion, extended her stay in hospital.
She was in ICU for two weeks. Those were the hardest weeks of my life, between worrying about whether my wife would survive and my newborn baby, I was lost. This is Savanna’s third week in the hospital, and they’ve moved her to a general ward. I worry about the fact that she can’t keep her eyes open for longer than a few minutes at a time. I worry that she sometimes doesn’t recognize me or remember why she’s here. The doctor says it’s a temporary thing, the body’s reaction to trauma.
“How’s she doing?” Bre walks into the room, and I look up at her. Her familiar face makes me breathe a sigh of relief.
“The same.” I look at Savanna’s small form on the hospital bed that seems too big for her. I sometimes wonder if this is the universe’s way of punishing me for the terrible person I have been over the years. What I did, the betrayal was unforgivable.
“Have you slept?” Bre asks. “You should go home. I’ll watch over her for a while. You can come back later.”
I lean back in my chair and run my hands through my hair. “I can’t leave her side, Bre. What if she gets worse?”
“Then I will call you. You are not going to be any help in your state. Your sons need their father right now, especially Ty. Your in-laws have been great, but they are not Ty’s father.”
I know she’s right. It’s been hard connecting with Ty since the day he was born because my wife was fighting for her life, and as dumb as it sounds, I was angry at the little guy. I finally relent, standing and walking over to where she stands at the foot of Savanna’s bed.
“Thank you,” I say, placing a hand on her cheek. “For every single thing. You don’t have to be this kind to me, and yet you are.” Our eyes meet, and I remember just how much I love this woman and how I was willing to risk everything for her. I place a soft kiss on her lips. She pushes me away and steps back. “Denton, no,” she gasps.
The lines are all so blurred right now. They haven’t been for a long time, but I just need the comfort only she can give. “I’m sorry, I should go.”
“Seems that’s all you do, Denton, apologize but still do whatever the fuck you want. You don’t deserve either of us. You never did.”
I nod, my shoulders sagging. I shove my hands in my pockets and leave her standing there.
When Bre fell pregnant all those years ago, we ended theaffair. It’s such a cheap word to use for what we had. It was not just the sex, even though there was a whole lot of it. It was finding the piece of my soul that’s been floating out there in the cosmos. But we were never meant to be together, and so we let it go. It’s been a while since we have even spoken or seen each other. She distanced herself from everyone, Savanna included. The only reason she is here now is that she still loves her friend.
I get into my car, resting my head on the backrest, and I feel my eyes closing. When I open them again, I realize I have been sleeping for the last two hours.
I look at my phone. I have a few messages from Bre. I climb out of the car, reading them as I go.
Bre: You need to come back here. She’s awake and wants to talk to us.
Bre: She knows.
Bre is in the hallway. Her tear-streaked face breaks my heart. I reach for her, but she pulls away. “Just get in there, now.”
I drop my hands and walk into the hospital room. Savanna is awake, and a nurse nods for me to enter. “I’ll leave you two alone,” the nurse tells me after adjusting a drip.
“I am so glad you’re awake,” I smile at her and take her hand. She smiles back sadly.
“I’d like to talk to both of you,” she says calmly.
I pull out my phone and text Bre. A few minutes later, she enters the room, standing at the foot of the bed.
Savanna heaves breath. “I knew,” she starts. “About the two of you. I have for a long time. Women sense these things. When a man pulls away from his wife the way you did,” she looks at me, “she knows there’s someone else.”
“Savanna,” Bre starts.
Savanna holds her hand up. “You know, everything makes sense now. The way you two look at each other, the way you both behaved after you returned from New York. I knew you were staying at the same hotel. And then when you announced you were pregnant,” she looks at Bre, “I just knew.”
“And the way you fell apart when Bre’s baby died,” She sniffs, looking directly at me, challenging me to prove her wrong. “You were shattered because you knew that baby was yours too.” She chokes on that.
Bre’s eyes well with tears, but she stands firm.
“I didn’t deserve that, you know, so you owe me an explanation,” Savanna directs this to me. I close my eyes, my shoulders sagging, and when I look at those kind blue eyes, I tell her everything, and when I am done, my chest hurts, my eyes burn, and I stroke my forehead.
“I-I loved you both. I trusted you. And if I knew, I never would have stood in the way of your happiness,” she looks between us. Tears slip down her cheeks. “I’m not angry. I’m broken.”
“Savanna, it’s over. It’s been over for years.” Bre insists.
