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Cold raced through me. “Why? Do youwantto stop?”
“No, not at all. But I’d hate for us to get to the point where one or both of us wants to call it a day, and we were both too scared of hurting the other’s feelings to say anything.”
I shuddered out a relieved breath. “Oh, thank goodness. No, I’m more than happy for us to keep meeting up like this. However, I know the day will come when I won’t be coming home for the holidays anymore, so you won’t find me here.”
He smiled. “Don’t you worry about that. If you still want us to meet, I’ll find you, wherever you are.”
Calm settled on me. “That makesmehappy.” I gave him a quizzical glance. “Though Iamsurprised you can still find the time. Your job must be busier than ever these days.”
“It doesn’t matter how busy it gets, I will always find time for you.” Santa raised his glass. “To continuing friendship, and a delightful tradition.”
His words warmed my heart.
When I was twenty-two
1989
It never ceased to amaze me that Santa didn’t age. He appeared exactly as he had been when I was twelve, whereas I’d changed so much. I was trying to grow a beard, without much success, but it was early days. Mom complained and said I looked better clean-shaven, but I was not about to get rid of it. I’d arrived two days before Christmas, and I’d be leaving after four—my new boss was a hardass, and ifhedidn’t intend taking time off for the holidays, he didn’t see why anyone else should.
Of course, I had my own reasons for not wanting to stay longer, but I wasn’t about to share them. Not that I could have done anything during the festive season—Jay wasn’t available, and knowing where he was only increased my feelings of guilt.
This is wrong. I shouldn’t be doing this.
When midnight arrived on Christmas Eve, I’d pulled on my robe and crept downstairs, wondering which of us would get there first. He was gazing into the fire, so lost in thought he was oblivious to me. When he finally became aware of my presence, he smiled.
“So how’s life as a working man?”
I snorted. “Can I go back to being a student, please?”
“I did wonder if you’d be here or if you’d stay in Philadelphia.” There was something in his eyes that made me think he knew all about my life.
“You should know by now. Mom issued her usual decree. Be here or else.”
His gaze was thoughtful. “Still single?”
Yeah, now I was certain he knew more than he was letting on, but I wasn’t ready to talk about Jay. “How come you never talk about your life?” I demanded. “I have no idea how you spend the other three hundred sixty-four days of the year.”
“Getting ready for tonight, of course.”
My stomach clenched, and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he’d just lied to me. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?”
The absence of his familiar smile sent icy fingers trailing down my spine. “No, I’m not. You don’t fill me in on what’s happened during the whole ofyouryear, do you? All I get is a snapshot.” Then he smiled, and I relaxed. “You have no idea how much I look forward to our chats.”
I scanned the couch and the table. “No condoms this year?” I teased.
He waved a hand. “You were right. You’re old enough to buy your own.” His gaze grew penetrative. “I was worried about you.”
“Why?”
“It was back in September. I suddenly had the feeling all was not well with you. I wanted to know you were all right.”
My throat seized. Okay, that was uncanny. I tried to swallow, but my mouth had dried up.
He stood, went over to the liquor cabinet, and poured two glasses of whiskey. He handed one to me. “You’re old enough for this too.”
I sipped it, trying not to choke when it hit the back of my throat. “How come my dad never notices there’s less whiskey in the bottle after your visits?”
He grinned. “You already know the answer to that.” His expression became grave. “What happened in September?”
