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The day Mom and Dad sat me down was crystal clear in my memory, as if it’d happened yesterday. “Maisie,” Mom had said, her tone light and friendly, as if we were going to talk about what was for dinner. Jozie, at my left, had been stiff in her chair, but I hadn’t thought twice about it at the time. “After using up Jozie’s scholarship money and the money Grandmama left for her, we’re a bit short for her college tuition.”
It’d never been a secret that Jozie and I shared a college fund. Grandmama had started it after I was born, and since we were her only grandkids, she’d left Jozie and I each all of her savings when she passed. “Are you going to take out student loans?” I had asked, turning toward my sister.
“She doesn’t need much more,” Mom had explained. “So to avoid taking out loans in her first year, we were hoping we could take some out of your fund. Since you’ll be valedictorian, and given your grades, you’re more likely to get full-ride scholarships anyway. Would that be okay?”
Jozie had faced me then, her desperation stripped to its most obvious state. Wide eyes, puffed out bottom lip, crinkled brow. Jozie asking me for anything was a rarity, and there she’d been, probably seconds from getting on her knees to beg.
I’d said yes before I thought it through, and they’d all walked away before I had a chance to change my mind.
Now here I was, no valedictorian spot and a college fund that would’ve made my rattling piggy bank seem rich.
My phone dinging startled me, pulling me from my thoughts. Dad regarded me expectantly, waiting for a response to a question I couldn’t remember. Instead, I peered at the text from Rachel. “I have to go,” I told Dad, giving him a distracted nod. “I’ll see you when you get home. Have a good day.”
This time, when I headed for the door, Dad didn’t stop me.
* * *
I laid my hand on the steering wheel for two seconds, the car horn filling the air with a pathetic squawk. Though it was early September, the air had a chill to it this morning, and I turned the heater on full blast. I was lucky anything puffed out, because the crappy air system had a slow-moving way of life, like it was ready to move onto its retirement home.
A classic, Dad would’ve said as he eyed the two-door coupe, but all I saw was rust and bad mileage.
I laid my palm on the wheel once more, but before I had a chance to press down, Rachel emerged from the cheery yellow door. She’d styled her hair into a high bun today, almost on the center of her head. As she hurried across the lawn, she worked on drawing out small little pieces of baby hairs to frame her temples.
“Sorry, sorry,” Rachel rushed out, ducking her head as she fell into the passenger’s seat. “Thank you for picking me up. I couldn’t find any of my hair ties, and then I couldn’t find my Gilfman boots—”
“Real Gilfman?” I asked, peering at her black leather boots. Dew clung to them, making them shiny. Theylookedlike the designer brand, but I couldn’t imagine Rachel having the money to afford them.
She winked at me. “Fake, but you can’t tell. All about appearances.”
With that thought in the air, I grabbed the shifter and reversed out of her driveway.
“Listen, I can’t thank you enough for driving me,” she said, fluffing her brown hair in the crappy flip-down mirror. Even from here, I could see the dust build up along the edges of the glass. “When we get to school, I’m chewing out my brother. He couldn’t be bothered to wake me upandhe left without me. I’m going to wring his thick neck.” Her frown deepened. “AndAva. She didn’t wake me up either.”
“She slept over?”
“Yeah, but she was gone before I woke up, and that’s not like her.”
Weeknight sleepovers were something they did from time to time, since they lived right across the street from each other. They’d invited me a few times, but I’d always declined. As a girl who loved getting her beauty sleep before a seven-hour school day, I didn’t mind skipping out on those sleepovers, knowing they were mostly gossip sessions anyway.
“We were going through the yearbook at boys for her to kiss,” Rachel went on, affirming my thoughts. She tilted her head to peer at me, somber. “Did you see she was on the list, too?”
I jerked my head over to her, frowning. “She was?” Ihadstormed off after hearing my name, but I was surprised Ava hadn’t said anything in a group text. “What was her label?”
“Never Have Their First Kiss.”
“She’s not bothered by it, right?” I tried to picture Ava reading the label, and my heart pinched. “Because she shouldn’t be. It’s a meaningless list.” Now if only I could swallow that same pill, with the rest of Brentwood behind me. But that was just it, wasn’t it? If it truly was meaningless, people wouldn’t be so obsessed.
“I think she was.” Rachel tugged a tube of lip gloss out of her pocket, the sparkling pink mixture making a sucking sound as she twisted the wand. “I was thinking about trying to find Ava a date. I’ve got a few potential candidates.”
“Why not findyoua date?”
“Because I’m swearing off partners. At least in high school.”
“It’s for the best,” I said, flipping on my blinker to turn into the school’s parking lot. “That way you don’t have to always guess someone’s intentions with stuff.”
She peered at me from the corner of her eye. “Did Alex say anything about you being on the list?”
It was one of those moments when I could’ve told her the truth, or even at least a half truth. I thought of his legs on mine yesterday, his attention fastened onto the TV as if wasn’t even there. I could’ve stripped naked, and he wouldn’t have batted an eye.Do you ever just…feel like we’re different?Even now, the words didn’t have much of an effect on me.
