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I’d always thought I’d been able to read Rachel’s mind. It’d been something I’d prided myself on as we grew up—that I, more than her twin, could guess what she was thinking. Like what movie she wanted to watch, or which boardgame she wanted to play. What she wanted. However, I never would’ve guessed what she said next.
“I know you were working on my dad’s website,” she said, voice small. “I know, because I was the one to tell him to work with you.”
It was like I forgot to compute the English language for a second.I was the one to tell him to work with you. Meaning she’d been in contact with him. Slowly, realization dawned. In all of the emails, his focus had mainly been on Reed, not Rachel. How was Reed coping with high school? Why wasn’t Reed playing in the game? When he asked me to be his informant, he asked me about Reed, not Rachel.
Because Mr. Manning was already talking to Rachel.
“I kept waiting for you to say something. I figured there was no way you’d work with him without asking me about it. But you didn’t. You never said anything.”
There wasn’t a hitch to her voice when she spoke, but something in her eyes had my heart picking up its pace. “I needed the money to help Mom,” I told her quickly. “I was afraid to ask you, because if you said no…I wasn’t sure if I’d have been able to pass it up for Mom’s sake. But—that wasn’t the only thing that convinced me. I tried to tell myself that he wasn’t your dad, but it still—I still feltterrible.” Rachel nodded as I spoke, but something else hit me. “You never told me you were talking to him again.”
“It’s like I said.” She sighed a little. “It didn’t feel like I was allowed to miss him. I guess we both felt guilty for not coming clean. I should’ve told you everything from the beginning instead of…testing you, I guess. Seeing if you’d tell me. That was crappy.”
“It was crappy of me not to tell you,” I reaffirmed. “But Reed…he isn’t talking to your dad?” I knew the answer before I asked; Reed’s expression upon finding us in the café today was answer enough.
But Rachel shook her head. “And he doesn’t know I see Dad on the weekends. Maybe one day, he’ll come with me.”
I thought about what Reed had said about Mr. Manning’s birthday, and how he felt bad for his father, in a way. Hopefully Rachel was right, and that Reed could meet him—and hopefully that day was soon.
Even though the shame lingered like an aching bruise, the sharp pain at the idea of telling Rachel the truth had disappeared. The fear that I’d never been able to shake was gone. Now there was one item left.
Except when I opened my mouth, Rachel cut me off. “Let’s talk about Josh.”
“Josh.” I let out a little breath, because it was like a reprieve in all the heaviness. Even thinking about his dimpled face made everything lighter. “I don’t like him, you know. Not like that.”
“I know you don’t.”
“So, it’s okay if youdo.”
She gave her head a slight shake, expression thoughtful. “I don’t know if I do or don’t. I do like being around him, though. I know that, at least.”
“You should go for it, then. Test the waters.” I lightly nudged her arm. “Find out if he really is Kissable Josh.”
That made her laugh, and in an instant, she was moving. She pulled away from me so she could reposition how she sat on the bed, leaning forward to put her elbows on her knees. “So, it’s time for you to tell me.”
I sucked in a breath. “Tell you?”
“Whoyourkissable guy is.”
Things seemed to slow down.Lie, my brain encouraged, because it knew the consequences to follow.Lie, lie, lie.
Lie, my heart urged, because it knew that it couldn’t handle any more breaks.Lie, lie, lie.
She sat down beside me, pulling her legs underneath her. I could see where her hair dripped onto my duvet cover. “You can tell me who it is. I promised you earlier that I wouldn’t be upset. As long as you’re honest, it’ll be okay.”
Still, I hesitated. This was the deepest heart to heart we’d had in a while, but kissing Reed—would telling her about that be the straw that broke everything? She forgave me for working with her father, but could she forgive me for kissing her brother? And really, that wasn’t even the worst part. Yes, I kissed him, but I also fell for him. Josh was right—I let him invade my thoughts like a virus, one that I couldn’t shake.
Every possible scenario shuttered through my mind. Rachel yelling, Rachel leaving, Rachel calling off our decade-long friendship—all of it was a massive bundle ofterrible, and I couldn’t even bring myself to take the first step of opening my mouth.
“God,” Rachel said with a light eye roll. “I’ll rip the bandage off for you—I know you kissed Reed.”
I jumped away from the headboard so fast that my head spun, or maybe it spun from the bluntness of her words, of the shock that pummeled through me like a wave. It knocked the breath out of me, and I literally gasped like she gave me an electrical shock. “I—you—you knew?”
She raised her eyebrows as her mouth curved up into a small smirk. “I didn’t know for total certain. Not one hundred percent. Not until right now.”
And now I was breathless once again, feeling like she’d smacked me in the face.
She took advantage of my silence and went on, tapping her chin. “After you told me you kissed someone, I thought to myself, ‘Who would Ava kiss on impulse? Why would she regret the kiss? Why wouldn’t she tell me who it was?’” She pointed her hairbrush at me. “And then I come home one Saturday morning to find you in your pajamas, claiming you spent the night without me there? You’ve never done that.”
