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She rolled her eyes. “Oh, what a wonderful justification for killing. I mean, most people have hard lives. It’s not up to us to decide if they live or die.”
River shook his head. “Had the mindmelders’ lives been wonderful, I would have done the same. Too much at risk here, Naia. Responsibility means making hard decisions.”
Naia sighed. She did understand that, and yet, this whole thing made her uneasy, nauseous, the way he’d done it… “But you don’t feel any remorse.”
He scoffed. “What’s remorse going to do? What difference does it make? Does it bring anyone back? It doesn’t. And you know who didn’t have any remorse? King Spring. No remorse. He would have been delighted had all the humans in Aluria died. He wanted me to kill them. Every. Single. Human. Families, children, peasants. Innocent, honest people who had nothing to do with that war. We would never have peace with him. Ancients always say that the humans started the war, that the humans did everything, but now, seeing the things my father’s capable of, I have questions. You can’t honestly be upset he’s gone, especially you, knowing what he tried to make me do. I don’t think you have the right to judge me. He tried to make mekillyou. Can you imagine what it did to me? Perhaps that’s what happened. I snapped. Too much pressure, and one breaks.”
He sat down and leaned his head on his hands, making the tip of his horns point up.
Naia was still shocked, but some of what he said made sense. She sat by him and put a hand on his shoulder. “River…”
He stared at her. “Oh, it’sRivernow.” He mimicked her tone. “Now that I said I could be broken, you want me back, and yet, when I’m whole and powerful, you don’t like it.”
Naia pulled her hand. “I don’t like it when it seems that you don’t have feelings.”
“Oh, I have feelings, tons of feelings. I feel that my father was an asshole and deserved to die. Is that a feeling? Or it doesn’t count for you?”
She sighed, unnerved at his reaction. There was another thing bothering her. “How did you manage it? That much magic? You said that trying to use mindmelding on a king could kill you. It seems that you used it on him and a bunch of fae at the same time.”
He shrugged. “I guess I had been grossly underestimating my magic. Or rather,ourcombined magic.”
“I see.” He’d used her magic to increase his? To do that? It explained all the sleeping. “I still can’t understand it, I still can’t erase that horrible image from my head, but I’ll accept that you had no choice but to kill your father, that it was either that or you. Or me. I can accept that the dreadful way you killed him was your only choice. It’s still horrific, but maybe you’re right that it was the correct decision given the circumstances. Still, doesn’t some of it strike you as…” She closed her eyes, at a loss for words. “Off. I can’t explain it. There’s something wrong. I swear it wasn’t you, River. I couldn’t recognize you. I can barely recognize you now.”
He stared at her and thought for a moment. “Then you have only one option: you need to lock me up. Put me in a prison, Naia. I think the magic cells will hold me.”
“You think you’re not yourself?”
“I think I’m fine. Just so you know, I don’t rip people’s hearts on a daily basis. I’ve never done it before and didn’t even know my claws were sharp enough for that.” He stared at his hands, then looked at her. “I had never killed anyone before, but I think I’m myself. Do I love everything about what I did? No. Do I wish it didn’t have to come to this with my father? That’s a stupid question.”
“Did you have to become king, though?”
“Had I let Forest take the throne, he would kill me. He hates me. And he’s just as brutal as our father. Anelise is fine, but… I don’t know. I don’t know where she stands.”
“And why do I have that crown too?”
“That’s obvious.” He smiled. “The magic of the Ancients thinks we are really good acquaintances.”
“No, but… I’m pretty sure you have to be married for something like that—which we’re not.”
River looked away, then back at her. “Do you want to know the truth?”
“Don’t ask me that question. I always do.”
“What do you think it means when I declared my love for you to my father?”
“Wouldn’t I have to say something as well? Don’t I get a choice?”
“If you were an Ancient, you’d need to do the same. In your case, you would need to say that to whoever, let’s say, is somewhat responsible for you, a parent, a guardian, a king… That would be enough.”
“But I—” She was going to saydidn’t,but then she paused. “I just had to say it? There are no special words?”
“We can’t impose the way you communicate with your family. As long as you clearly tell them you’re choosing one of us as a life companion, and they agree, you’re fine. Your brother agreed. Your father agreed, in a way.”
“That’s unfair. What if a human’s family is against it?” Naia was thinking about her mother and the story she had always been told, even if it wasn’t true.
“I think the idea was to prevent conflicts, and the communication with a parent or a person of authority was to assure nobody started thinking we were stealing humans. What I can say is that we’re very good at creating verbal traps, and that’s something that can be learned… The human would need to get an approval, even if not that genuine. There are more rules regulating human-ancient relationships, but once you’re considered an Ancient’s life companion, you are subject to Ancient’s law, and cannot be harmed, unless it’s fair punishment for a misdeed. Not even the king is exempt from that law.” He bit his lip. “As you clearly saw.”
“And would rather forget. So you’re saying we’re married, according to Ancient laws.”
