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33
THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE
“Give me your paper and I’ll return your packet. One for one, ladies and gentlemen,” Professor Henrick said.
Kenna felt nothing but relief as she shuffled along with the line of students. Once her essay hit the stack, she’d be free for the summer. Free of campus and of the doctor lurking on the other side of it. She kept her head bowed as she drew nearer to the professor’s desk. Exam week was a special kind of hell but paired with the processing of trauma? Gray rings hugged her eyes and gave them a hollowed appearance.
She had not slept in so long, she’d forgotten what it was like. The peacefulness of it all.
Every night when her head hit the pillow, she feigned sleep, willing it to come; and though her breathing shallowed out as if to ease into rest, she’d soon push herself up on her palms, the high-pitched clicking of a Polaroid camera ringing in her ears.
She perched at her desk all hours of the night, reviewing self-constructed study guides and triple-checking that her papers were free of errors through a curtain of tears. The endless crying terrified her. Dr. Merino had wrung her mind and soul of everything she had to give and yet her body managed to scrounge up something more for him, paying tithe to his memory.
Betrayal usurped her feeling of emptiness. It tore at Kenna’s chest. She had been naive to think they’d had a genuine connection at any point. They had both used the other and each of them had accomplished what they’d set out to do.
As she steadily advanced in line, control fragile, she felt as if she had come away with nothing in an exchange that should’ve been mutually beneficial. Somewhere along the way, her goal had changed. Riding through the rain to Dr. Merino’s house. Knocking on his front door. She couldn’t pinpoint it, but she knew that it lay on the timeline of that night when the research, the investigation that had mattered most to her had been overshadowed by something greater.
Her need to belong to him. To heal him and fix him and save him from his destruction.
She dropped her essay on the designated pile but rather than returning her internship feedback packet, Professor Henrick scrawled something on a sticky note and folded it in half before slipping it to her.
See me after class.
Kenna almost rolled her eyes upon reading the threateningly juvenile statement. It was ludicrous. Technically there was no class and almost everyone had gone.
Still, her ill attempt at analytical humor did not abate the dread that came over her. Worst-case scenarios flooded her mind. Had Dr. Merino failed to submit the packet? She doubted Professor Henrick would hold her responsible for his mishap, and, at the very least, she had submitted the signed paperwork indicating her hours had been met.
As her final classmate left, Kenna approached the professor’s desk, crumpled note in hand.
“You wanted to see me?”
Professor Henrick folded his weathered hands in his lap and looked at her expectantly. Releasing a weighted sigh, he began, “Are you aware that there have been, ah, rumors, surrounding you and your mentor?”
She was aware but saw no reason to tell him as much.
“You know as well as I do there isn’t much else to do in this town but gossip, professor.”
“Yes but, in my experience, students don’t casually gossip about something as … salacious as this. Miss O’Callaghan, this is a tough subject to discuss with you. I’ve enjoyed your presence in my courses over the last couple of years and it truly pains me to even entertain what’s going around.” He grimaced and made as if to shake his head but thought better of it. “I’m just going to come out and say it. Students, as well as some of the faculty, seem to have the impression that Dr. Merino and yourself were involved in a sexual relationship.”
It occured to Kenna, then, that Professor Henrick wouldn’t have held her back for the sake of discussing rumors.
There had to be something more. Consequences.
“You understand, given the gravity of this situation, that I cannot, in good faith, honor the passing grade Dr. Merino has given you?”
“Yes, sir, I understand.”
“Now, I don’t want you to panic. There’s one section of 4960 over the summer if you’d like to go ahead and redo your mentorship. I really believe this would be your best option. I’d hate for my decision to delay your graduate studies.”
He didn’t want her to panic. Why panic? It wasn’t like an entire semester worth of work had been chucked out the window. She responded evenly, “I don’t have transportation.”
“Should you enroll this summer, I’ll arrange for you to work with the incoming psychiatrist.”
“Incoming?”
“Dr. Merino tendered his resignation earlier this week. You weren’t aware?”
Resignation. Had she heard him right? Ringing filled Kenna’s ears, faint yet piercing.
