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So why aren’t you honoring the promise you made to her?
Finn went very still, his breathing fast.You’re shit-scared, Chase had told him. And yeah, he was. He could admit that now.
He was scared of loss, scared of pain. Scared of risking his heart again.
Well, and who wasn’t? Who’d choose to throw themselves into that fire again willingly?
Beth did.
The breath left his body in a sudden rush because it was true. Beth had. Even after losing her baby and her partner, even after experiencing depression, she hadn’t chosen to lock herself away as he had; she’d chosen to come to New Zealand. To find happiness for herself.
She’d chosen to love him. And even when he’d flung it back in her face, she hadn’t walked away. She’d told him she’d be here for him if he ever changed his mind.
Her courage and quiet strength made a mockery of everything he’d thrown at her, all those stupid excuses. Everything he’d believed about keeping his heart to himself and remaining strong.
It’s hard to reach out, to make yourself vulnerable…
That’s what she’d said, and she was right—it was hard. But she’d done it. She’d made herself vulnerable; she’d let him in.
Only for you to fling it back in her face.
Pain splintered in his chest. Goddamn, what an asshole he was. What a selfish, self-absorbed asshole. He’d given her nothing but excuses, while she’d given him honesty. She’d given him love.
Finn took a ragged, painful breath and stared at the stars glittering overhead.
Could he give her that back? Could he make the choice to love her?
It’s too late to choose, you dumb idiot. You already love her. You loved her the moment you first met her.
He felt something moving through him then, something wild and passionate and hot. Familiar but different, because love wasn’t the same this time around. It wasn’t new, and he was older, with more life experience. Yet it was just as powerful, just as intense.
Yes. He loved her. He loved Beth. She was the light in his life, and he’d craved it. But it was a different craving to the one he’d had for Sheri. That had been new and wondrous. First-time love.
That love was still there. He’d always have it, he could see that now. He wouldn’t lose it. She would always be with him. He felt it in his heart, in his bones. She wasn’t in that bath or in the cabin, and she wasn’t in that hairbrush he still kept in his drawer. She was in his heart, and while he loved her, he’d never lose her. Because love…love was immortal like that.
Yet he had a future ahead of him, a future that she wouldn’t be part of, and he suspected she wouldn’t want to be part of it anyway. Because this washisfuture. His and Beth’s.
Finn stood there for a long moment. Then he shook himself and went into the house and up the stairs to his bedroom. And he pulled open the drawer and took out the hairbrush.
Sheri’s hairbrush with strands of blond hair still caught in the bristles.
He’d kept it for some reason he now couldn’t fathom, because she wasn’t there in that brush either. But he picked it up and took it downstairs, out into the night.
He stood on the deck and carefully pulled loose a strand of gold hair and held it up between his fingers. Then he opened his fingers and let it go.
“I’ve fallen in love again, Sheri,” he said quietly to the night and the spirit of the woman he’d loved and still did. “And she’s not like you.” He pulled another strand loose and set it free to drift in the night air. “But I think you’d really like her.” He pulled the last strand free. “I know I could be happy with her. So what do you say? Shall I do it?”
The night didn’t say a word, but he didn’t need it to.
He knew the answer in his heart already.
Be happy, Sheri had told him.
Perhaps it was time to do what she said for a change.
Finn let loose the final strand of hair and watched it drift away. Then he put down the hairbrush, walked down the steps, and set about making some preparations.
***
