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“I’m okay,” I say, waiting for all of them to dissipate. They’re hovering around me and it’s making me a little bit nervous. They’re all looking at me with so much concern. There are fewer things I like less in this world than pity, and that’s all I feel when they hound me like this.
Rei seems to get the hint. He sits across from me, in one of the large couches, and the other two do the same. Misha’s gaze flits from my face to Malon’s, whereas Luke’s never really leaves Malon, as if he’s scared Malon would do anything to hurt me.
I don’t think he could. But fuck, I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now.
Everything feels unsteady as fuck.
“He’s right, Trine,” Rei says. I pick up my head to look into Rei’s dark eyes. There’s barely any light in this room, but the white in his eyes shines against the contrast of his brown eyes. He leans forward and takes his glasses off, wiping them with the back of his sleeve. My eyes are getting used to how dark it is in here and he looks worse than he ever has. Even in the dark, there are shadows under his eyes, his lips chapped.
He runs a hand through his hair, imitating me. He sets his gaze on me, his eyes searching for something in my eyes. But I have nothing to give him. “I’m worried about you,” he says.
“You don’t have to worry about me,” I reply, leaning forward. That makes Malon retreat. I resist the urge to bury my face in my hands. “Clearly, I’m not who you need to be worried about, since…you know, it wasn’t my car that went up in flames. I’m not the one who’s dead.”
“They’re trying to get to you,” Misha says.
“I know. It’s working,” I reply between gritted teeth. “I don’t know what to do, but this isn’t sustainable. I can’t just keep going from place to place, leaving fucking chaos behind me. I don’t know who the neighbors are, but I’m pretty sure they need their car. Bryony needs her car. What about mycat, Misha? I can’t believe I left him behind, I just…”
“You didn’t leave him behind, we had to run,” Luke says. “That’s not the same as leaving him behind. Plus, someone’s going to go get him. Don’t worry. He’ll be here before you know it.”
I get to my feet, pacing around nervously. “I need to fix this,” I say. “I don’t know how, but I need to fix it.”
“Dee Dee–” Misha starts.
“Not just Dee Dee,” I say between gritted teeth. “Everyone. Everyone who is close to me is in danger. Don’t you get that? All of you…”
“We all know what we’re doing,” Misha says. “There isn’t a single person in this room who didn’t know what they were getting into. Except for you. You’re a victim in this situation.”
“I don’t feel like a victim,” I say. “I feel like this is all my fault. If it wasn’t for me, none of this would’ve happened.”
“This isn’t your fault,” Luke says. “This is something that was set in motion years ago, with your mom. You get that, right?”
I shrug and get to my feet, looking down at him. “I don’t care where it started,” I say. “I just need it to end.”
MISHA
There’s nothing in the world I hate more than feeling useless, and when it comes to Trine, I haven’t felt useful at all since we came back into her life.
Fuck, since we first came into her life. The exorcism was a bust. The first exorcism barely worked, it only helped to stave off some of the bad influences before they got worse. Now she’s in danger and she’s watching everything around her crumble. There’s nothing I can do.
There’s nothing any of us can do.
Trine has made a choice.
I tried to convince her that it wasn’t the right choice, but it was pointless. There’s no way she’s going to listen to me when it’s obvious she’s already made her mind up and there’s nothing I can do about that.
I have tried. We spoke to her, we told her everything we know. She decided that she doesn’t want to be exorcised. If this is what she needs to do to protect herself, I get it, but there’s nothing we can do by hanging around here.
Other people need our help.
I don’t want to abandon her–fuck, I really, really want to stay here. There’s nothing I want more. But I also want to respect what she wants, and clearly, this is what she wants.
She doesn’t need any of us around. She’s made that clear.
“I’m going for a walk,” I say as I watch Trine climbs the stairs. She disappears when she takes a left. The other guys don’t say anything. I wonder if Malon is going to try to chase after her.
I tell myself it doesn’t matter.
I take a step outside. The air is surprisingly crisp, the temperature seems to have dropped considerably. I don’t know why it’s so dark out here. I check my watch, but it buzzes on my wrist and announces that it has no battery left, which makes no sense because I’m sure I charged it overnight.
